perks of having a cat

Cats are assholes. There’s no way around this statement — it’s the honest truth. Sure, they are soft, cute, have the most viewed videos on YouTube and have entire websites dedicated to funny pictures of them with captions. (shoutout lolcats) But don’t be fooled!

There are many perks of having a cat. It’s all about how you look at it.

1. They can help reduce your carbon footprint by replacing your alarm clock. You’ll be woken up every morning by a cold wet nose being shoved right into your eyelid. If you’re lucky — claws may also be involved. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

2. Save time by not washing your face at night. It won’t be worth it — your cats will take it upon themselves to walk all over your pillows with dirty litter paws. Plus, this is the best place for your cat to kick a leg up and do it’s nightly tongue cleaning. Pink Eye alert!

3. Used to being totally repulsed by finding hair in your food? All over your clothes? Stuck between your toes? In your bellybutton? Get used to it. It’ll be the norm now. Start saving it up and one day you’ll have a cruelty-free fur coat.

4. Love getting massages? Good thing you have a cat. You’ll get free nightly ones. It may be when you’re in a dead sleep, and it may not be anywhere near your muscles. But your cat will do it’s best to help knead your stomach, butt, face and anywhere else that’s umcomfortable. Bonus – very sharp claws will be involved.

5. Have you ever had the urge to vent your feelings and have someone listen without passing judgment? Vent to your cat — they most likely hate you and will ingore everything so there’s no loss there.

In all reality, I love my cat. I think her “don’t give a shit” attitude is what makes me a cat-lover. We have a lot in common and I’m convinced she’s my spirit animal.