the joys of face-planting on a treadmill

Lately, I’ve been working hard to get my ass to jiggle a little less. And, you know, to avoid a heart attack or something. For the first time in my life I’ve actually enjoyed going to the gym. Until yesterday, when I face-planted mid sprint on a treadmill in front of fifty complete strangers.

Have any of y’all ever been to Planet Fitness where they have the “lunk alarm?” If you have no idea what I’m talking about — it’s an alarm the staff sounds off if there is a tool grunting loudly or dropping the free weights.

I was deep in the zone when the alarm sounded and, to be frank, it scared the shit out of me. It was the first time I’ve ever heard it so I spastically looked around to make sure there wasn’t an armed gunman. (This is America, after all. Gotta check for those things.) While in the process of sprinting & looking around, I lost my balance and fell face first onto the treadmill. The pain wasn’t the worst of it. I hit the woman next to me on the way down. Bit part of my lip causing it to swell twice its size almost instantly. Smashed my phone. And, to top it off, my shirt rode all the way up to my armpits. To a woman who’s new to the gym scene and trying to change her body… it was beyond mortifying.

I’ve started my day out today searching online for treadmill prices so I can run at home. Some of us shouldn’t be allowed to mix with the general population. For their safety and our own.

Do you have any embarrassing workout stories? Misery loves company!

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31 thoughts on “the joys of face-planting on a treadmill

  1. Quinn says:

    Wow that’s terrible. I’m glad you’re okay! I went to the gym straight from work once and forgot my clothes but I worked out anyway and it caused a HUGE split in my pants. I didn’t go back for a month so it would give people time to forget about it. Ugh!

  2. Phred the Elder says:

    Be aware having a treadmill at home can be just as dangerous (to your ego). I put mine in the basement (where there was enough room, but sort of just barely) and used it “daily” about 4-5 times a week. This continued about a month when I lost my balance and fell.
    The problem was the device was placed along the short wall of the room, so there was not enough room at the end to fall all the way off the belt before slamming into the wall (ok, it was only going about 3.5 mph, so “slamming” might be poetic license, but the principle is the same). Now envision (with care) the image of lying half on the concrete floor and half on a very fine grit belt sander…and the off switch is conveniently located 6 feet away.
    It took me almost an hour to design a “convincing” story for the dramatic rug burn on my face…
    No witnesses, though, so it was kind of worth it. The scars are all internal.
    Keep writing. Thoroughly enjoying the ride!
    Phred

    • Blair says:

      Ouch! Mine is being delivered tomorrow. You’ve inspired me to rearrange my room so I can place it along a longer wall, lol. Thanks for the funny (yet painful) story. I hope your face burn didn’t last too long πŸ™‚

  3. FatandFrank says:

    I was out for a walk once and tripped on a Crack in the street. I face planted in the middle of a busy intersection. It was awful. I just prayed like hell that everyone just happened to be looking somewhere else when I fell.

  4. cb says:

    Been there done that

    I’m old and out of shape and overweight.

    I have some spinal damage and foot drop in my left foot. If I don’t concentrate why I walk I can scuff my toe and stumble.

    Joined a gym to get in better shape. On a treadmill at a fast walk. Stumbled. Arms flailing to hit the off button. Face plant on belt. Hurtled out the back like a jet off of a carrier.

    Laughing so hard it took several minutes to get up. Wrenched my knee.

    Sorry, tibia plateau fracture of knee. Confined to wheelchair for six weeks.

    Canceled gym membership.

  5. emilypageart says:

    Just proof that no good can come from exercise. And that the lunk alarm is moronic. If you’re lifting weights and trying to increasingly get stronger, isn’t grunting kind of a necessity? I prefer to lift glasses of bourbon, personally. Makes working out way more fun.

  6. thechicdoctor says:

    Once i stopped my treadmill after 1 hour walking and i was so dizzy and not concentrating , so I stepped on the adjacent treadmill which was on .I was walking normally lol . And I fell so hard on my face , but the lady who was working on it wasnt hurt but she was scared then she gave me that unfriendly look ! Lol ! Now I ve got an elliptical at home , but I feel i miss the gym badly !
    Glad you r ok πŸ™‚

  7. fearsomebeard says:

    The gym is a wonderful place. Most times. I’m sorry to read of the fall, that’s always been my fear on treadmills. I haven’t fallen on one yet and hope not to. I go to a competitive body builders gym in San Diego. Most are way beyond my skinny little frame and buff as all H. But I’m not the only regular Joe there. All of my years from the first time I entered and a scared un athletic type until now when I work out beside the trophy winners is this…. Do not ever be embarrassed even if you face plant. You are there for you, not for anyone else. Each step in the gym is a step towards better health. Feel good about it and if someone judges you, they are the small ones

    • Blair says:

      You’re right, and thank you for your encouragement. It’s definitely intimidating at first, and I don’t go to a gym even close to as competitive as yours! But, the fall didn’t stop me — I went back today. Glad I did πŸ™‚

  8. stuffeyefind says:

    I was paired with another recruit a female that thought she was really tough. I was pulling for her, keeping her motivated and we had to rush into a time situp exercise. Anyways, I was counting and trying to calm down before the next event and she kept saying sorry. Until the sorry was louder than the smell. I’m like, right there holding her ankles and she’s farting and she can’t stop. She made it through training but that day I almost passed out.

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