i might be a Bitter Betty

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending hundreds of dollars on plane tickets to attend the upcoming wedding of a cousin I haven’t spoken to in probably a decade. Now, I don’t want to sound like a Bitter Betty. I like to see people happy and in love. (Hell, I’m happy and in love and make people suffer through it. It’s only fair.) It’s simply because I don’t get the social convention of weddings. (I’m starting to feel a bit Sheldon Cooper-y, now.) I know. I’m a womanWhat the hell?

airplane

I’m 100% aware that I stand in the minority on this, so bear with me. I’m not trying to offend anyone. (If you get offended anyways, that’s okay) But, I just can’t wrap my mind around the amount of money people spend on a few hours. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to those lucky jerks who don’t have to worry about it. Screw you, by the way. (kidding, kidding)

I got to be part of the happiest day of my friend’s life last year. Woohoo. When we were getting ready she cried for an hour because the linens she ordered were off one shade of pink. Her flood of tears caused her mascara to run. It got onto her dress. When she couldn’t get the stain out a full on toddler-style meltdown ensued. She didn’t like the way her mom’s hair was styled so she ripped it out and went on a rampage and threw shit everywhere. I’m serious. (Needless to say, this shit show helped it become my favorite wedding thus far) Isn’t this supposed to be a great memory? How is being this high-strung count as fun? Was all of this worth $30,000? I just don’t get it.

Yes, I’m married. We got married in Vegas. The money my parents set aside for our wedding was given to us for a down-payment on a house instead. I just couldn’t let all that money be wasted on a big party. How boring and practical, right? Blah. Even I hate us.

So, I’ve come to the realization that I’m extremely weird and just may be failing at being a female. Well… you win some, you lose some, you know?

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81 thoughts on “i might be a Bitter Betty

  1. Tikeetha T says:

    Nope, you’re not bitter. You’re being a realist about it. I spent $15,000 on my wedding and I thought that was a lot at the time. We’re divorcing now so it really wasn’t worth it. LOL.

  2. Kaitlyn says:

    I had a co-worked tell me about his wedding not to long ago and it sounded similar. They had some close friends and family (a handful of people) go to a chapel in Lake Tahoe and then just had fun all night on the town with everyone. No stress and he said it was so much fun. A couple weekends later they had more family at his parents house for a barbecue “reception” type deal. He agreed going small was awesome because they actually enjoyed the day!

  3. bobbibowwoman says:

    We had two weddings in one week so our Oregon family didn’t have to fly to Kansas and our Kansas family didn’t have to fly to Oregon. We wore regular clothes, everyone pitched in potluck style. We just enjoyed each other and even with the plane ticket the wedding total was very modest. I think the prices for today’s weddings are crazy. I shall “Sheldon” right along with you. It’s illogical.

    • Blair says:

      I like that idea a lot. I was going to add in the post originally how weird it is that people expect you to pay all this money to see THEM get married. It’s weird! I like that you went to them. Way better that way.

  4. brendablagdon says:

    My daughter wants to get married at our cabin. We’ll get a few canopies in case it rain. We’ll barbeque
    or have deep fried turkey and friends will bring salads. Woodsy decorations. Buddy, Sammie and Simon the cats. will look out the cabin window and watch all the goings-ons.

  5. Yoga, Food and Faith says:

    I’m the same exact way. I could never spend that much money on a wedding. The most expensive thing at my wedding was my dress and that was about 600.00! We wanted to elope but my parents had one daughter elope and she would have killed me if I eloped too. She just wanted to go to one of her daughters weddings!

    • Blair says:

      My mother is the -exact- same. My sister had a big wedding so it helped my eloping venture. My mom is still holding out hope that my husband and I will have a big thing and renew our vows. I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s never gonna happen.

  6. cordeliasmom2012 says:

    My husband and I eloped. A lot of people thought that was the most romantic thing ever – I mean, who really does that?

    Then, when it came time for my daughter to get married, I told her she was on her own if she wanted something fancy because I didn’t have any savings, and there were younger kids in the house that needed stuff, too. Daughter opted for a nice backyard wedding ceremony and a reception at a reasonably price restaurant. Everyone had a great time.

    • Blair says:

      I wish my family thought ours was romantic! Some of my extended family wouldn’t even send us a card because they didn’t like that they weren’t included. The backyard sounds nice 🙂

  7. Joseph Nebus says:

    Hardly bitter. My love and I married on a budget that came to under three thousand dollars, and that was with all my (somewhat large) nearest family and my love’s (smaller) included. We were able to put the rest of the budget into joint checking.

  8. Midwestern Plant Girl says:

    I’m so with you sister! Hubby and I eloped in St. Thomas for $3M. My diamond was his granny’s.
    Here’s my idea of how weddings should go down with divorce rates the way they are. After 3 years of living together, you can get married at courthouse, no reception. After 6 years, you get a reception. Then if you last another 10 years, if you really want it, the $30,000 hub-bub!

  9. tpesce2015 says:

    Chiming in rather late, here – just met an article deadline. Anyway, throwing fits because things to wrong? I was one of the happiest brides that ever was, and on my wedding day my matron of honor wore a long dress that needed a long slip, which she forgot. So there we were in the ladies room of the church, persuading a very nice woman in a long dress to give up her long slip for the cause! She did, bless her heart – crisis averted. Until they went to play the two-song tape (pre-CD days) which I had especially recorded for this day, of me singing “Longer Than” and “The Wedding Song”. The church’s tape player refused to play the tape, so the guests went from pleasant pre-wedding conversation directly into the wedding march, jolting them to their feet and bringing all banter to a sudden stop. Did I care? Nope.

    When my beloved passed away and I re-married, the preacher forgot about the rings and I was whispering frantically to him about it while he tried to ignore me. Then he forgot to say the bit about, “I now pronounce you man and wife” and skipped to introducing us a couple!

    It’s always something. “Count it all joy…”

    • Blair says:

      Oh wow, he forgot to say the most important thing at the end, lol. You can sing and write? Very talented. I’m pretty jealous. I wish my friend would have taken it all in stride as you did. Everybody needs that mentality.

  10. Julie Holmes, author says:

    I’m right there with you, Blair! Hubby and I eloped to Vegas (much to my parents’ chagrin, but probably because I never told them that’s why we were going there) and came back to a monetary gift we used as a house down-payment. Never regretted it. In fact, hoping that whenever my kids are ready to get married I can convince them to do the same 🙂

    • Blair says:

      Oh man, my mother would have never forgiven me if she didn’t know first, lol. Having a house is way better than having one big day. We did it right. (I might be biased)

  11. Amber R. says:

    I agree! I’d much rather put that money towards a home like you did, or just saving it really. You never know when something will come up and you’ll will need that kind of money. But to each their own I suppose!

  12. whatsandrathinks says:

    When I got married, the total spend was around $3500, I think. My dress was $350. I did want a wedding, but I didn’t want big or extravagant. I also answered most questions while planning my wedding with, “Sure, that sounds nice.” No crazy concerns over wrong shades of anything! (Though I did love out deejay’s pink hair – that was awesome!) Also — my dad gave us the rest of the money he would have spent on a ridiculously large wedding so we could use it as a down payment for our house. I agree that the money is better spent elsewhere.

    My parents loved me for this, by the way, because when my crazy sister got married a few years prior, she had to have a flipping fairy tale… it cost my dad a LOT and drove everyone in our family nuts. And my sister divorced him.

  13. dunnasead.co says:

    Usually, there are three questions to ask with someone you haven’t seen in a while- do I want to establish the relationship again and will this do it- is there anyone else there I really want to see- if not, why don’t I just send a toaster and be done with it. which might just be what they are secretly hoping you will do.
    Ps my wedding was arranged by my Mother-in-law- She told us the a week before. she had been planning it since his birth. I bought a dress and asked a bridesmaid, said our vows, then we disappeared to honeymoon in Ireland in a secretly arranged car. we have had a long and happy marriage, and his mother hasn’t been in our house in over ten years. (we meet her at hers on holidays so she can be in charge for a few hours)

    • Blair says:

      Haha, normally I’d just send a toaster. This time I’m actually going because my entire immediate family is going. We live on complete different sides of the country and haven’t all been in the same place in probably 5 years. Your mother-in-law sounds pretty intense. I couldn’t imagine someone having everything planned for me. Wow

      • dunnasead.co says:

        She missed her own wedding because she was busy surviving the russian invasion of her country- pommerania, then north Germany, now Polish. what can I say. Intense is not the word.

  14. dunnasead.co says:

    PPS I sing a lot of big church weddings -it’s a good additional income, and once had to watch a crazy slug a female minister (yup, full fist to the face) since she wouldn’t let her have Bette Midler’s God is watching from a distance as part of her service. Everybody apologized the next day, and we got it on track, but NOTHING anyone does, or wants sung, surprises me anymore. In my opinion, the best thing is to do what we did- if you marry at a courthouse, a lot of ministers will do a “blessing” of the marriage. Small. Intimate. We loved ours. Friends sang, family hugged. It was our day.

  15. Rosie Scribblah says:

    I’m with you on this. Had a very simple wedding at the Registry Office and a party back at the house. Family and friends helped with catering. I would rather go to a funeral than a wedding.

  16. Jane Likes to Run says:

    I totally hear you. I feel exactly the same way. I hate weddings. I actually had a good friend recently tell me that her wedding was the worst day of her life (and they are very happily married and recently had their first kid). and I’m sure it was a $30,000 + wedding. Worth it? Absolutely not. I also don’t understand why people feel the need to invite every single person they’ve ever known. That’s what gets me. If you haven’t talked to this person in over a year, they’re not invited! if you’re bitter about weddings, Then I must have completely curdled!

    • Blair says:

      Haha. I agree 100%. I think people invite everyone solely so they will get more gifts. I mean, who wants to spend their wedding day talking to someone they don’t give a crap about and won’t bother talking to again? It’s weird as hell.

  17. bostonbitchinla says:

    I’m so glad I found someone that felt the same way I do. I paid $75 for a justice of the peace and it was all said and over in 30 minutes. Went home and celebrated with Carvel ice cream cake. 🙂

  18. wineandhistory says:

    I just want to say that I totally get what you are saying. Every. word. I got married in my parents front yard. Our biggest expense was food, which was catered by a local grocery store. Then beer and wine. My mom spent $200 on flowers from Costco; she really wanted some flowers – I couldn’t have cared less. Our cake was from Costco too – we got 3 red velvet cakes for $8.99 each. My cousin was my bridesmaid, but only because she showed up with a cute bridesmaid like dress. I hadn’t been planning to have any bridesmaids. Music was an Ipod and some speakers. It was awesome. Low key and fun. No debt. If I had it to do over again, I would order half as much food. 🙂

  19. penelopefriday says:

    Our wedding cost less than £1000, and £500 of that was on the honeymoon 🙂 We held a ‘surprise wedding’ – a bit like a surprise party, except it was the guests who got the surprise when we married in front of them: we were in the top room of a 13th Century pub, and they were all wearing jeans and drinking pints of lager. It was fun!

  20. JoAnna says:

    I don’t like to throw away money, so I can appreciate this perspective. We got married in my church and went to Key Largo for the honeymoon. Thanks for the follow!

  21. Rebecca Connors says:

    I love this! I feel the same way. My hubby and I got married in my best friends back yard and it was perfect! I attended a wedding a couple years back where the bride, a friend of mine at the time, had her makeup done for the big day by this high priced professional who left a huge orange streak across her left jawline and I was nominated to point it out…you know, to help and she slapped me in the face and screamed that I was just trying to ruin HER special day!! Well, she gets to live with the pictures. The money these things cost is so not worth it for one day.
    Also, I love your blog. You are hilarious!!

  22. Brenda Davis Harsham says:

    Sometimes I think the more you spend, the less marriage lasts. We were broke, we cut every corner. We’re still together after 18 years. Family reunions are worth the travel expenses, that’s how I look at weddings these days.

      • Brenda Davis Harsham says:

        That’s why I had a wedding instead of eloping. My dad guilted me about using it as occasion for families to get together. In the end I didn’t regret the money involved, despite it taking so much time and effort to keep expenses down.

  23. kerbey says:

    If she cried for an hour, then it wasn’t the the linens that were “off one shade.” That sounds a bit whackjob crazy to me. Having things go wrong at a wedding is a taste of how marriage will be. You grin and bear it and don’t rip out your mother’s hair. Sounds like her heels were balanced precariously on the edge of entitlement. And 30K? That’s more than our household income. Coming from a person who only buys used 50 cent magazines to rip out perfume samples, you know where I stand.

  24. Anon says:

    Me and my girlfriend have agreed that if we get married we’re going to spend just enough to make it a nice day and no more. This is perhaps a result of her friend still paying off the debt from a wedding five years after the divorce was finalised…

  25. deadbeatmom says:

    We contemplated a Vegas wedding, but as the only sibling in my family to tie the knot (both my brothers live common-law) I felt it would deprive my mom of at least ONE of her kids getting married “publicly.” Planned it in 6 weeks, we had 65 people (My small fat Greek/Japanese wedding) and overall it was low-key and fun. No regrets and happy I didn’t turn into Bridezilla! I think lots of women are the same but I also believe reality TV really tries to “sell” (and I mean “sell”) something completely different.

  26. Almondine says:

    I lolled at this post. I got married 4 weeks ago and didn’t want to have a lot of hassle either (I never had the whole getting married thing high up my to-do list anyways). So we decided to keep it small and celebrate it in a Dutch Pancake House. Then my husband apparently wasn’t aware of the concept of guests for the day/guests for the evening. He wanted everyone to join us for dinner! So there we had our first marital compromise and divided the guest list into 3: ceremony peeps, dinner peeps, reception peeps. And ending up having 75 people for the dinner bit: KA-CHING! 😀 I also went to a cheap wedding store for my dress, where they supposedly costed around 500-1000 euro’s. There were no price tags on the dresses while trying them on and I thought I wasn’t supposed to ask for the prices. Sooo, when I finally picked THE one, I was shocked to see the bill the saleswoman shoved into my face right away. And if we could make a 1000 euro deposit on the spot as well… Short summary: so much for keeping things cheap with no hassle!

  27. laceduplutheran says:

    Great post. My wife came wedding-ready, as I like to say. Her father was a florist and her uncle was a photographer. We really didn’t have to do much preparation or spend much at all. We just asked them who we should work with on different aspects that we needed and it all came together so nice.

    • Blair says:

      Wow, that’s convenient. I can only imagine how much it saved you (money and stress) having so many connections. I probably would have considered having a real wedding if I had that. Nice!

  28. Cate says:

    Good for you and your husband. Apart from being such a waste financially — the house down payment is way smarter — an expensive wedding reinforces the notion that marriage is the most important event in a woman’s life (but not a man’s). Good riddance to that sexist idea!

  29. kerricross4 says:

    I’m with you. I did not WANT a wedding, but everyone told me I’d regret it if I didn’t have one. It wasn’t fancy, but it was stressful. I don’t like crowds, or parties, or decorating or planning, and we had no money! Turned out that after 17 years the only thing I regretted was marrying the jerk. Now I’m remarried (stood in front of the preacher with just the kids in attendance) and happy happy happy. I think I’m a man.

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