You know those assholes that are already decorating for Christmas even though Thanksgiving hasn’t even rolled around yet? What the hell, right? Can’t we take one holiday at a time? Stop trying to shove Christmas down our throats with your pretty lights, touching TV ads and joyful music. Enough is enough already.
Well… I am one of those assholes. I love all things Christmas. The earlier the better, I always say.
My love for the holidays took a horrific turn last night, though. When a 2 inch long roach crawled out of one of the decoration boxes that we had brought in from the garage. I almost had a heart palpitation. This bitch was so big I could literally hear him crawling on the floor from 5 feet away. I panicked. Fight or flight? What do I do? Am I actually able to approach and kill this thing without gagging and throwing up everywhere? If I don’t kill it, it will for sure eat my eyelids in my sleep.
Then, a 6 pound hero emerged. She raced over and chomped the roach right in half and stood guard on the box until Alex got home to take over. She just may have saved my eyelids from being eaten last night. Go adopt a homeless cat. Save your eyelids, people!
(the panic was real)
(Okay, I know she doesn’t give a crap about guarding a box for me and just wanted a tasty snack. But still — go adopt a homeless cat, anyway)
The Shameful Sheep 
Cats are the best. And, hilarious post! 😀
Get a copy of “Homer’s Odyssey” and read a now-famous book about a little black blind cat – in one of the chapters, he attacks a rapist and chases him out of the house, saving Gwen Cooper, his owner and the author of this amazing book. Sometimes it IS love that motivates them. And I promise you, you will fall in love with Homer and never, ever forget him, and your life may be one of the lives he profoundly effects with his spirit, love, courage and life.
Aw, I will definitely look into it. Yay for little black cats 🙂
That is brilliant! We adopted 3 feral cats from our neighborhood when we moved here! They repay us by keeping the squirrels away from the bird feeder and depositing dead moles and mice on the porch for us to admire! 🙀 We are appropriately grateful!!!
Cats are such great gift givers, lol
Gut-busting hilarious – I love it!
Having grown up with 14 cats between my mother and sister next door, I to can attest to the betterment of the world with cats in your life. As I drive a truck at present, having a cat could be a problem with the “box” in a confined space! I’ll settle for my little dog for now 😉
Ew…. That would be pretty stinky being trapped in a truck with a litter box, lol. I love the name of your blog, by the way. 🙂
Go back to my first posts and see how it all started! As you read it all becomes clear how I got that nickname 😉
I’ll check it out 🙂
Insects, in the era of overpopulation. The world braces for populations sprinting past seven billion. In a few decades, ten billion. It won’t all be cow, pig, and chicken meat then. Prepare yourselves for the protein of the future.
You’re scaring me! I’m going to need a million cats.
http://contrafactual.com/2014/01/22/mexican-spicy-crickets/
What a lovely little cat. And I’m sure that she was trying to be supportive!
Pat
Thank you 🙂 I like to think that she was!
Hilarious, but we have to discuss this decorating-for-Christmas-already-business 😉
I know… It’s terrible, right? I only do the inside of my house so I can keep the obsession closeted and not force it on others lol.
OK, then have at it!!! I just don’t want to get sick of my absolute favorite holiday before it even gets here! When it’s all over the TV, the stores, and people start putting their up blow up yard Grinch on October 31st, I get a little Grinch-like meself!
My cats wouldn’t know what to do with a roach or a mouse. They’re spoiled.
I love my cats but not so much when I am running around the dining room table whilst they have a dead mouse in their mouths trying to get them to drop it by hissing at them.
Haha, that was a great mental image!
That roach is the state bird in South Carolina. ‘Cause those suckers fly.
Definitely get a cat. They get giant spiders too. 🙂
Yes! They are awesome spider killers, too 🙂
What a sweet cat! She looks identical to my aunt’s little black kitty. I bet my cats would do the same thing too (…or not. They are, after all, the ones that watch my brother chase a mouse around the house while they watch and occasionally bat at it with the odd paw…the same mouse THEY brought in in the first place…)
Cats bring in the best presents, don’t they?
Yes, they do. They really, really do. -__- Haha
I could not even imagine!! Adopting pronto. I now have a new found fear for my eye lids!!!
LOL! This is awesome. I can not stand to even look at a roach and so there is serious panic in our house whenever one is discovered (and we live in AZ so they are bound to wander in from time to time). We are lucky to have two kittens that I will have to read this to, so they understand the important of the job placed before them. 🙂
They are so gross. I can’t get over how big they get in the warmer climates. I grew up in NY, and I never witnessed one so large. You’re lucky you have two kitties on the prowl. 🙂
I don’t want to think that the cockroach was karma for early Christmas decorating but…..I think the facts speak for themselves.
Haha. Yeah, you’re probably right. Hilarious
What a good laugh I had. When I was growing up cats adopted us, They would just land on our door steps, we’d feed them and they’d stay. Now I have a shelter dog but the inlaws have a cat that is the devil on four legs – my pooch is totally intimidated! By roaches as well! 🙂
this a funny post! I could relate cos I also have cats
Well, we’ve got a rabbit who was adopted from a rescue shelter. The rabbit didn’t have any particular problems, was just the runt of the litter.
Bah Humbug 😉
My rescue kitten would probably try to sit on any cockroach that got into my apartment. Possibly, she would also carry it around everywhere with her–that’s what she does with her toy mousies.
Ew, sitting on roach. Gave me the chills lol.
She isn’t the brightest cat; her general reaction to new stimuli is to yodel at it, and if it can be sat on, then damn it, she’ll sit on it AND yodel at the same time.
hahaha I love it
My eyelids were safe, but not my chest. My cat deposited a mouse on my chest one night while I was sleeping, not once but three times!
Read his version of that night here. https://arlenedavidsully.wordpress.com/2015/10/24/sully-saturday-3/
Oh that’s pretty gross! I would have freaked out, lol. I’ll check your link out ! 🙂
OMG…freaky.
Lol this is so funny!
Hero’s’ come in all shapes, sizes and motivations, haha!!!
nooooo….I wanted to high five you for NOT being that guy (or you know…gal). But, you are a fellow cat lover, so you’re cool in my book.
Phew. Sorry for the letdown, lol
Every so often a roach gets in from outside. The cats love it. More playing less eating. I let them play with their toy.
I was not always so mellow. Most often roaches don’t bother me, but I have a deep seated illogical pathological fear of roaches.
Imagine if you will a preschool toddler in the early 60s. South Florida. Carports. My dad had a lawn mower in the carport. I was with him. He moved the mower and disturbed a colony of about a BEEEELION cockroaches / wood roaches / palmetto bugs. They came boiling across the concrete floor like water out of an overturned drum. I was backed up into the corner screaming as I kicked them off my shoes and swatted them off my legs. I had nightmares for weeks? months? years? They may have only been getting the hell out of Dodge, but I couldn’t rationalize that.
Decades later I came to grips with my fears and was able to use logic to subdue my irrational fear of roaches. They no longer creep me out. OK the still creep me out a tiny bit, but I can fake it. I still would not be able to eat one, no matter how much protein they have.
Oh, man. That’s a scary story. I can see why you were traumatized. Those palmetto bugs are creepy as hell.
I thought roaches could get in your ears and ate your eardrums making you deaf. I was not aware of the eyelids thing.
Whoa. Wait. They can eat your eardrums? I’m hoping that’s a myth. I just made up the eyelid thing because I was being dramatic lol. They are safe!
I hope it’s a myth too. Maybe some research is needed.
Just yesterday I wasn’t going to give a black cat a trial, now I think I am going to. I so hate cockroaches, I can hear their sound when they walking but hey they can’t eat your eyes…hahaha. You got no brooms, you got to hit it once with a broom, and baam its dead.
Oh man, I grew up in New York, and the roaches were small so they didn’t freak me out nearly as much. They quadruple in size in warm climates! A bug shouldn’t be so big you can hear them walk, haha. That’s just wrong. So wrong. Yay for possibly giving the kitty a chance. Cats are awesome.
I grew up in New York too and the roaches were small but they came in hoards. Armies. There was no such thing as one roach.
Ah, the amazing abilities of rescue cats. Though I note that you have done a much better job of keeping your cat at an ideal weight than me. (Mine is five-and-a-half kilos which is almost double your cats’ weight.)
Lol aw. We can’t let our cat free-feed or she eats so much she will throw up all the time. She’s a little piggy. So, it’s been easy for us to monitor how much she eats! Chubby cats are so cute though
Way cool. 😊
Great cat. Does he know how to compost? The critter’s remains may be good for your roses. Thanks for reading my blog. I’ll keep in touch with yours. My husband is a fan of Shaun the Sheep on BBC. I’ve saved two cats personally and helped spay/neuter a couple thousand feral cats. Love your drawing! Dee
That’s a lot of spay and neutering! It’s a sheep my husband doodled 🙂 Shaun the sheep is so cute lol I’ve seen it a couple times!
This is such a great post. What humorous writing! Yes, absolutely agree with the adopting cat part! My kitten alerted me to a house centipede, a stinkbug and beetle crawling around my house. She is so brave and smart!
Thanks! They really are useful, aren’t they? Smart kitties