adopt a cat, save your eyelids

You know those assholes that are already decorating for Christmas even though Thanksgiving hasn’t even rolled around yet? What the hell, right? Can’t we take one holiday at a time? Stop trying to shove Christmas down our throats with your pretty lights, touching TV ads and joyful music. Enough is enough already.

Well… I am one of those assholes. I love all things Christmas. The earlier the better, I always say.

My love for the holidays took a horrific turn last night, though. When a 2 inch long roach crawled out of one of the decoration boxes that we had brought in from the garage. I almost had a heart palpitation. This bitch was so big I could literally hear him crawling on the floor from 5 feet away. I panicked. Fight or flight? What do I do? Am I actually able to approach and kill this thing without gagging and throwing up everywhere? If I don’t kill it, it will for sure eat my eyelids in my sleep.

Then, a 6 pound hero emerged. She raced over and chomped the roach right in half and stood guard on the box until Alex got home to take over. She just may have saved my eyelids from being eaten last night. Go adopt a homeless cat. Save your eyelids, people!


(the panic was real)

(Okay, I know she doesn’t give a crap about guarding a box for me and just wanted a tasty snack. But still — go adopt a homeless cat, anyway)

63 thoughts on “adopt a cat, save your eyelids

  1. tpesce2015 says:

    Get a copy of “Homer’s Odyssey” and read a now-famous book about a little black blind cat – in one of the chapters, he attacks a rapist and chases him out of the house, saving Gwen Cooper, his owner and the author of this amazing book. Sometimes it IS love that motivates them. And I promise you, you will fall in love with Homer and never, ever forget him, and your life may be one of the lives he profoundly effects with his spirit, love, courage and life.

  2. Dr Meg Sorick says:

    That is brilliant! We adopted 3 feral cats from our neighborhood when we moved here! They repay us by keeping the squirrels away from the bird feeder and depositing dead moles and mice on the porch for us to admire! 🙀 We are appropriately grateful!!!

  3. Weird Guy With The Dog says:

    Having grown up with 14 cats between my mother and sister next door, I to can attest to the betterment of the world with cats in your life. As I drive a truck at present, having a cat could be a problem with the “box” in a confined space! I’ll settle for my little dog for now 😉

  4. OmbudsBen says:

    Insects, in the era of overpopulation. The world braces for populations sprinting past seven billion. In a few decades, ten billion. It won’t all be cow, pig, and chicken meat then. Prepare yourselves for the protein of the future.

  5. hannahdestiny27 says:

    What a sweet cat! She looks identical to my aunt’s little black kitty. I bet my cats would do the same thing too (…or not. They are, after all, the ones that watch my brother chase a mouse around the house while they watch and occasionally bat at it with the odd paw…the same mouse THEY brought in in the first place…)

  6. shoes says:

    LOL! This is awesome. I can not stand to even look at a roach and so there is serious panic in our house whenever one is discovered (and we live in AZ so they are bound to wander in from time to time). We are lucky to have two kittens that I will have to read this to, so they understand the important of the job placed before them. 🙂

  7. Miriam B says:

    What a good laugh I had. When I was growing up cats adopted us, They would just land on our door steps, we’d feed them and they’d stay. Now I have a shelter dog but the inlaws have a cat that is the devil on four legs – my pooch is totally intimidated! By roaches as well! 🙂

  8. scamlordshateher says:

    My rescue kitten would probably try to sit on any cockroach that got into my apartment. Possibly, she would also carry it around everywhere with her–that’s what she does with her toy mousies.

  9. jlouisemac says:

    nooooo….I wanted to high five you for NOT being that guy (or you know…gal). But, you are a fellow cat lover, so you’re cool in my book.

  10. cb says:

    Every so often a roach gets in from outside. The cats love it. More playing less eating. I let them play with their toy.

    I was not always so mellow. Most often roaches don’t bother me, but I have a deep seated illogical pathological fear of roaches.

    Imagine if you will a preschool toddler in the early 60s. South Florida. Carports. My dad had a lawn mower in the carport. I was with him. He moved the mower and disturbed a colony of about a BEEEELION cockroaches / wood roaches / palmetto bugs. They came boiling across the concrete floor like water out of an overturned drum. I was backed up into the corner screaming as I kicked them off my shoes and swatted them off my legs. I had nightmares for weeks? months? years? They may have only been getting the hell out of Dodge, but I couldn’t rationalize that.

    Decades later I came to grips with my fears and was able to use logic to subdue my irrational fear of roaches. They no longer creep me out. OK the still creep me out a tiny bit, but I can fake it. I still would not be able to eat one, no matter how much protein they have.

  11. Mary Job says:

    Just yesterday I wasn’t going to give a black cat a trial, now I think I am going to. I so hate cockroaches, I can hear their sound when they walking but hey they can’t eat your eyes…hahaha. You got no brooms, you got to hit it once with a broom, and baam its dead.

    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      Oh man, I grew up in New York, and the roaches were small so they didn’t freak me out nearly as much. They quadruple in size in warm climates! A bug shouldn’t be so big you can hear them walk, haha. That’s just wrong. So wrong. Yay for possibly giving the kitty a chance. Cats are awesome.

  12. Emma says:

    Ah, the amazing abilities of rescue cats. Though I note that you have done a much better job of keeping your cat at an ideal weight than me. (Mine is five-and-a-half kilos which is almost double your cats’ weight.)

  13. pawsinsd says:

    Great cat. Does he know how to compost? The critter’s remains may be good for your roses. Thanks for reading my blog. I’ll keep in touch with yours. My husband is a fan of Shaun the Sheep on BBC. I’ve saved two cats personally and helped spay/neuter a couple thousand feral cats. Love your drawing! Dee

  14. frithe13th says:

    This is such a great post. What humorous writing! Yes, absolutely agree with the adopting cat part! My kitten alerted me to a house centipede, a stinkbug and beetle crawling around my house. She is so brave and smart!

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