why didn’t i think of that?

I hate that I’m one of those people that gets annoyed by so many things… The sound of people clipping their nails. The fact that it’s socially unacceptable for me to let my leg hair grow out. When I’m singing along with a song in the car and the artist gets it all wrong. That I can’t live a healthy life just on cupcakes. I could go on all day. One of the things that annoys me the most: when someone invents something that’s stupid as hell and becomes a millionaire.

How many people face-palmed when ‘silly bandz’ became popular a few years ago? Hell, I did.  Rubber bands in different shapes. That’s all they were. Yet, kids walked around for a solid year with them stacked all the way up to their armpits. There were hoards of them. Foaming at the mouth, begging and pleading their parents for them in every store I went into. For rubber bands. Rubber bands, people. The things that come free wrapped around your celery.


Don’t even get me started on pet rocks. What the hell is with that?

I can’t tell you how many times stupid inventions have come around and it makes me question my intelligence. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?  BLAIR, YOU DUMBASS. Just think — we are all one stupid idea away of becoming millionaires and living the rest of our lives doing nothing but eat cake and be lazy. The true American dream.


66 thoughts on “why didn’t i think of that?

  1. stephellaneous says:

    YES! I’m so with you on this! I’ve even asked around at work for others’ stupid ideas in hopes I could capitalize off of their ignorance. But nothing ever seems right.

    And those silly bandz things made me so angry! For free on celery!! You’ve cracked me up…as usual!!

  2. Miriam B says:

    My husband always comes up with brilliant ideas but never follows through. I tell him he could make a fortune! Thanks for the laugh. Hey, by the way, those bandz are free on asparagus as well in Australia – and they’re purple! Another thing I get annoyed at – this morning I was overcharged nearly ten dollars (again) at my local supermarket! Aaaagh!

  3. Midwestern Plant Girl says:

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been skunked in the patent line! Some things I truly feel I had thought of b4 they came out:
    Clorox wipes
    Kleenex in round boxes 4 car cup holders
    Chia pets
    And now kids just want to play with rubber bands? Crazy!

  4. Weird Guy With The Dog says:

    Your blog name kinda sums up the mental state of anyone who would buy a pocket fisherman. Remember that one? (Ronco)

  5. Janelle Weibz says:

    So true… and such a great example of why money does not equate to value. You might appreciate this Japanese word: “Chindogu.” It’s basically the art of inventing gadgets and things that solve a problem you didn’t know you had until you found out the gadget existed, and thus you suddenly must have whatever random crappy thing it is. There are entire stores dedicated to this stuff in Japan… and you could get lost in there for hours!

  6. tpesce2015 says:

    My very own desk is home to an “Easy” red button pushie thingie from Staples that took the key word of their tagline (easy), “That was easy!” put it in lower-case white letters on the button, and put in a male voice saying the tagline. Press the button, get the reassuring comfort of, “That was easy!” WHO would want one of these? Apparently, zillions of people. Apparently, I’m one of them. Pausing from my self-disgust to figure out why I bought this, which, on the face of it, is a “stupid” idea, I realized a lot of people (not to say myself, of course…) operate amid many insecurities and fears, and the tyranny of a long to-do list. So when one has faced the fear or checked off the chore, it’s such a nice “button” to the event to smack the red Staples button and hear that hey, it wasn’t so bad after all, and we’re officially done! Who knew we needed that? Staples, apparently.

    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      Haha, we used to have one of those buttons where I used to work. Any time someone did something stupid, and our boss had to fix it, she would push it as they walked out the door. It was pretty funny, actually. Staples was on the ball with that idea.

  7. Me MyColon and I says:

    lol. Blair, you dumbazz… it’s poor people who lay around all day and eat cake. Rich people are busy playing golf and managing their money and buying small islands in the shapes of their favorite silly bands.

  8. 2ndhalfolife says:

    As I get older I find much more global things bother me than these kinds of things–although I can relate to what you are saying. But we must both remember that being upset can’t really change either the people becoming millionaires by creating silly rubber band bracelets or by terrorist killings. The ultimate reality is that we can only control what we do, what we create, the people we touch and love, the stories we tell and how we change the world in our own ways. Your blog here obviously is reaching many people and maybe you aren’t getting rich in dollars, but check deep down and look—maybe you are gaining treasures in other more important ways? ❤

  9. Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

    Oh, you are 100% right. I mean for my posts to come across as light-hearted and silly. But, I agree — I’m DEFINITELY gaining better treasures with this blog than getting money. I haven’t made a penny thus far. I just do it to write, meet people, connect with them, and hopefully make them smile. That will always be more important to me! 🙂

  10. spartacus2030 says:

    Yeah… You come up with this brilliant idea, like underwear that don’t stink, make millions, and then get robbed and shot, or worse, have to hand over my sterio system! No thanx! I’m doing just fine as a complete Idiot… Ever see an incomplete one? Well? Why, I have an idea this very nano-second, that would revolutionize Microsoft’s next opperating system… But what I really want is for their next opperating system to blow up, so I’m fickle when it comes to liking anything but fatening foods. That’s where all the good stuff is! But me? I dare not do anything but graze on my front lawn, and the odd grub. Good grub, grubs…

  11. deadbeatmom says:

    Funny, I was just having the exact same conversation with a colleague (who I had to explain a pet rock to). Speaking of getting rich, I heard the lead singer of Twisted Sister being interviewed about a musical he’s doing. He explained that they used to have enormous Xmas parties in his 8,000 sq ft home. How is this guy this rich on one album from 30 years ago? That album was clearly his pet rock…

  12. Dan says:

    I don’t think Silly Bandz have made it across the pond, but reading about them – animal shaped rubber bands – I can see why the concept works given they’re collectable and wearable.

    We had Loom Bands here. Luckily they were after my time but I did find myself in a situation of having to make them a couple of months ago and once I figured it out I found it surprisingly calming. At least they involve a bit of manual dexterity and memorising patterns.

  13. princessdoodlebug says:

    For the first time in my entire life you’ve made me wish I was just a little better at being stupid. Like I HATE stupid with a passion but… Well I love money and you’re right, all I need is a stupid idea. Too bad I’m not good at stupid. Lol

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