Social gatherings are a butt-clenching experience for me. I’m not too bad holding a conversation one-on-one, but with a lot of people? Terrible. Just terrible. You know when you’re somewhere noisy and trying to have a conversation so you speak louder? And all of a sudden, there’s this wave of silence and you find yourself shouting something ultra embarrassing like “THEN HE TOLD ME I HAD A BROWN STAIN ON THE BACK OF MY PANTS.” Everyone stares at you awkwardly like they did when you passed out in college and didn’t know your friends drew dicks all over your face. Well… I feel like I have dicks on my face every day.
I thought my social anxiety would get better as I aged — but it seems to be doing the opposite. I guess I will forever be the awkward adult drawing cat pictures at the kids table, talking about My Little Pony, and throwing dance parties while everyone else is drinking beer and watching football in the other room. At least I’m the favorite aunt, I guess. You win some, you lose some, you know?
Socially savvy people — I will forever be envious of you. I don’t know how you do it.
Off topic: I read somewhere that the weekend before Thanksgiving has the highest rate of relationship break-ups in the US. What a way to start the holidays, right? Good luck out there today, guys.
(Photo Credit : South Park/Comedy Central)
The Shameful Sheep 
Mine has gotten worse with age, too. Thank God for anti anxiety meds or I’d be non functioning! Hard to be a shut in with seven kids who need friends and activities!
Wave of silence at a funeral appears when I am shouting “I could have died laughing”. *slithers out*
Oh god! Haha that’s terrible. But funny.
If it is any consolation, I’m also the one at the kid’s table, using crayons and face painting. I chose to do this because that’s where I’d rather be than in the middle of a group of pretentious dicks. That doesn’t go for everyone. I don’t do big parties anymore. The last party I went to, I stood up in the middle of a room of about 100 or so people, quietly put on my coat and left. When asked why, I was honest and told them that I was bored and had better things to be doing. If all else fails, get up and leave.
Oh, I’d prefer to be hanging out with the kids, too. I’m not a fan of most people, unfortunately. Parties suck, I feel way too old to go to them now lol. My social gatherings are primarily my husband’s family. Kids > adults
Oh, I’m with you! And I have extra sensitive hearing, as well, so in large gatherings I often can hear three or four conversations going on around me. Makes it hard to focus on the one I’m supposed to be participating in. Sometimes end up just staring off into space! Check out The Bloggess (thebloggess.com) for a funny take on social anxiety (among other things). She’s recently posted a series of tweets about the embarrassing things people have done/said in public. Hysterical reading! And comforting, too.
I saw that on the front page of Yahoo a bit ago. It was hilarious! I need to read more of her blog. I’ve been meaning to buy her books but haven’t got to it quite yet. I loved the tweets. It’s nice to not feel alone
I always seek out the family pets. A lot of times they are in the laundry room and need companionship anyway. It’s a win-win if you don’t mind sitting on the floor and getting lint on your clothes.
I do that, too! When I feel awkward and can’t make a lot of eye contact I always go for the dog. I’m a lot more comfortable around animals than people. Plus, they are usually ignored when a bunch of people around. It’s a win-win
My wife is a social butterfly. So is my youngest daughter… I’ve never been envious of them though. Seems like a lot of work to me. 😉
It does, I agree!
So funny and boy do I feel you. I just wrote a piece on this very topic, less humorous, but you’ll get it I think.
This is my first time visiting your site. If this post is any indication of your writing, I think I’m going to like it. Nice piece. 🙂
I’ve gathered (from creeping on past posts) you’re a bit younger than I and I can attest the social anxiety seems to…well…get stronger with age. Like a fine wine. That makes you too drunk to be appropriate…hhahaha.
Uh, sorry, it just kinda got a way with me. Nobody’s looking at me, right?
I’m just about 29. My posts probably make me seem a bit younger since my sense of humor is pretty immature at times hahah. Mmmmm wine! Gotta love it 🙂
Nope, that’s what I figured…my fave sister’s age (sh! we’re not supposed to have favorites so don’t tell).
And, Mmmmm, yes, wine…wonder if it’s too early to pop one open…
It’s after noon so drink away! Lol 🙂
I just said I wanted a drink and my husband immediately asked “of wine?”…um, no I’m just thirsty…but, now that you mentioned it…
I can most definitely relate. Social anxiety is the worst. It’s a struggle, especially when people think you’re being rude by not socializing! It’s not that we don’t want to, we just don’t know how lol
Exactly! It always makes me feel rude. Then I get paranoid that’s what everyone is secretly thinking about me so it makes it even harder to attempt to socialize. Oh man, it’s a vicious cycle. I hate being awkward lol
Same! Lol I’m glad I’m not alone
I’m pretty comfortable in social environments like parties but don’t like talking about myself. My suggestion to you is to scan the room, find someone who seems to be talking incessantly and approach them. Say hello and ask them a simple question like “how do you know HOST’S NAME?” Let them do all the talking. Pay attention to what they say and ask them another questions about what they said. Nod a lot and say yeah! They’ll keep talking so you don’t have to…
Haha that’s actually some great advice! I’m going to try that next time I’m in that situation. Thanks 🙂
I’m exactly like that, great one on one but any more than that and I turn into an observer but you know what? I learned a lot being an observer. There are advantages, I always say. I wish I was more social but I’m not and I’m cool with that.
I completely get it.
I’d rather give a presentation to a very large room than go to a social event and ad lib any day!
Same here! If I have everything planned I’m all good lol.
Oh parties, yeah. Oddly, my house is a gathering spot but here’s what happens to me: It’s football on Sunday, I ask the gang to come over and the girls segregate to bitch about their men and I end up hanging with the dudes in the living room. It’s the same as hanging with the kids I think only with more cursing!
Haha that sounds like something I would do, too. I have no interest in talking crap about my husband.
Right?!?
Oh I HATE parties. They are torture!!!!! I bet all the people who have posted here might actually enjoy a party with us all together becuase we won’t have to interact with ‘normal’ people.
Haha you’re right. A party for the socially awkward would be interesting.
My kind of people
It’s weird how social situations always required me to have alcohol to relax and chatter.
I am desperately trying to change that and manage one last week with close friends although I’m not sure how I would cope with a big crowd of mostly unknowns.
All you must do is try to relax and think that everyone else is just as awkward as you, they simply manage to hide it a little better…!
That’s true! The idea for this post spawned from a birthday party I went to last night. It was all family and close friends. It’s crazy how much of a struggle it still was. You’re right — alcohol definitely helped in the situation lol
At least you still went. I cannot tell you the amount of parties I have missed because I dread it so much! Getting better though #normal 😜
Ugh I’m the same way about social situations. I would prefer sitting on the couch in my sweats that smell like farts than be anywhere around people where I have to put on a show. People think I’m super social and that I must be the funny one in a group. NOPE. I can’t even respond appropriately to a perfectly benign comment like, “It’s been really cold lately”. I’ll respond with something cringe-worthy like, “I ate cat food once.” Now, if I’m intoxicated, I’m a hell of a lot of fun. But, I still want to get home before my shows start.
Rofl. “I ate cat food once” is the best response to everything in my opinion. I get a lot better with alcohol, too. This made me crack up. Hilarious.
Hahahahaha I don’t even have cats and somehow that’s what comes to me as a reply to something about weather 🙄
Love it hahah
Hey Blair, I guess there’s lots of us the same out there! I’m the same in big social groups, prefer to sit back and let others do the talking. Give me a glass of wine and I’ll loosen up, put on some good music and I’ll dance but sit me in a room full of people I don’t know and I’ll clam up! Good to know I’m not alone.
Sounds about right! It’s interesting to see how many people are the same way. It’s awesome, really. Next time I’m in a group setting I’m going to look around and wonder how many people feel as awkward as I do! It’s nice to not feel alone.
I totally agree. The problem is, most people are really good at putting on a mask of social perfection!
I wish I had their skills!
Yea, me too! Sometimes I can fake it, sometimes I can’t be bothered!
Everyone has their individual talents. I’ve often been fascinated by people who can control room or go from person to person, topic to topic, grotto group and not miss a beat. I wonder about them, and then I figure, I don’t have that much energy to spend on so many people so the hell with them all.
Off topic, that statistic doesn’t surprise me. People who are not really committed don’t want to deal with family holidays and unnecessary gift buying. Sad, but true…:)
Haha you’re right. Too much energy to put into random people!
It took me many years to realize that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with me when I am uncomfortable in large crowds of people. I specifically remember standing next to the wall for support during a “toga party” in college, thinking I had to be there to be considered cool. Now, (at the ripe old age of 53) cool looks a hell of a lot different. Of course I married a party boy…
I wish I felt like nothing was wrong with me in that situation! I need to learn your ways. I get awkwardly uncomfortable and sweaty. I blush. Start stuttering. It’s a whole mess. I still think I’m pretty cool, though. Hahah. Woo party boys!
I suffer from a mix of social anxiety and apathy. Either I care too much about what people think of me, or I don’t care at all.
I’m much better in a group than in one-on-one though. In a group, I can divert attention to someone else if I don’t feel like talking. One-on-one I’m stuck with that person. Bleh.
In regards to Thanksgiving break-ups…I bet it has something to do with the stress of being together at family functions and noticing that your significant other like, doesn’t mesh well with the fam. Better gtfo before Christmas so you at least don’t have to get him or her a present kekekek
Haha it’s a good time to dip out of a relationship. Can avoid the presents and the awkward family meeting!
I think we might have hatched from the same awkward alien egg. FWIW, I would totally go to your kitchen dance party.
Hell yeah! Haha. That’s where the true party is at, anyway.
Oh, I get everything you say. I’d rather sit and interact with the nephews than the adults. Interestingly I find I interact differently depending on the group. There is one group of friends who I’m quite social around. And my geeky group of friends, we all feel a little awkward at times, so there is a different level of interaction there. Once I learned to be ok with myself like that, it all became a bit easier.
Dude, I JUST had this conversation with my husband. It took forever to explain why I can handle small social gatherings but HATE parties. And it does not get better with age, you just accept your social anxiety and become happy with being a social recluse.
Well that’s a crazy coincidence lol. I’m in the embracing my reclusiveness phase. I don’t think it will ever get better!
“Socially savvy people — I will forever be envious of you. I don’t know how you do it.”
We’re convinced everyone out there is fucking hilarious and we can’t wait to find out how. Or maybe that’s just me.
Nowadays, I look around for people on their own and I pretend to be one of those confident people and I introduce them to others to put them at their ease, but really I want to vomit in the punch bowl out of fear and go home and watch the telly. That’s why I prefer funerals to weddings. You don’t have to be jolly at funerals.
Hey, that’s a good idea. Introducing other people and making the, talk, not puking in the punch bowl lol. I should try that. In front of the tv is my favorite place!
Then everyone thinks I’m the good guy, not the freak in the corner looking at the wall
“To thine own self be true, And it must follow as the night the day, Thou canst not be false to any man”.
Just be honest right? You don’t like the big shindigs and the kids are more fun. So stay home and play with the kids. I totally get you on this. and if you let people know where you stand they can meet you there.
You’re right. The only problem is… they aren’t my kids ! Lol. They are my nieces and nephews, so I’m kinda stuck with the adults to some extent. They love that I hang with their kids so much, so I don’t think they mind that much when I’m MIA
I am not social …sadly😧😧😧
At this age what kills me most
Is even the dumbest girls in the class have boy friends
But its a noooooo for me
How sick is this😧😧😨
It sucks. I’m not sure how old you are, but when I was in HS and a few years into college, I was never the person in a relationship. I always felt extremely awkward. All my friends went through guys like it didn’t matter. (I’ve known my husband since we were 12-13, and even he had friendzoned me back then) Years later, I was the only one married and in a happy, normal relationship whereas all my friends were miserable. Take your time and grow as a person. Reach your education goals, your personal goals, and learn to be happy with yourself. Someone will come along that’s right for you. Ignore all those dumb girls who have boyfriends. You’re better off being smart and single for now haha.
Thanks alot…you are correct
I have got to do alot…I am a trainee teacher , plan to be better in whatever I do..and yeah I guess, I can’t change myself ….hopefully I’ll get whatever best for me😊😊😊😊
I cannot grasp the socially savvy either. And my own social anxiety has definitely worsened with age. Since my layoff, it’s even worse — I’m not even forced to be with others at work! Lately, I’m even an anxious mess with smaller gatherings! (Two anxiety pills before seeing humans other than those who live with me.) I’d love to stop thinking something’s wrong with me… just be the recluse my brain wants me to be… because I’m sure thinking I’m abnormal contributes greatly to the anxiety!
It’s extremely hard when you’re not forced to socialize and be near people at work. I’m in the same boat. It really wears on your life in multiple ways. It takes a lot more effort when you’re older to put yourself out there, which is a nightmare situation when you already have anxiety to begin with. I hope things get better for you. Although, according to the feedback I’ve gotten from this post, I’m starting to think we are more normal than abnormal!
I was thinking the same thing! Those social schmoozers are the weirdos!
Sometimes, if I PRETEND that I’m all outgoing and social, it actually helps. But other times, I consciously choose to keep to myself and not even try. Meh.
A case of ‘fake it til you make it.’ It definitely does help at times!
I was never good at social functions where you expected to mingle and dabble in small talk (another term for meaningless gibberish). Now, I’m that older and can barely hear it thunder when I’m alone in an open field it’s even worse. People’s mouths are moving and I have no idea what they’re trying to save. I find myself agreeing with stupid things like having my balls painted green for St. Patrick’s Day.
Haha, I hope that’s not an exaggeration and you actually had your balls painted green. Would be hilarious.
I had to run away from one last week, where 40 expats were chattering nonsensically and incessantly – it was like being in a field of locust. Aaaaah! I have found that an alcoholic beverage mixed with my anti-anxiety meds makes me the hostess with the mostess. I am endlessly amusing while spitting in your face, can dance like Jennifer Lopez (look like her too) and generally make a complete ass of myself. Then I have to ask my husband what happened….
Hahah that seems way more fun, really. It would be awesome if alcohol and anxiety meds actually COULD make someone look like JLO. I’d be loopy all the time.
Just to have that ass – is it really possible given gravity??
Hahaha, I know. It’s crazy
Oh man! This made me giggle! It’s happened to me as well! So embarrassing lol.
Well, my gut started busting at the fart stain part! Needless to say, this uncalled for comedy finally made me cry… And then I couldn’t breathe, turned purple, and quickly tried to remember something painful! Thanks for the pick me up dick face! LOL! A really, really hilarious post! IT’S ABOUT TIME! Oh my… A yellow stain on my pants :O(
hahahaha— man, I been there, I done that. 😀
I hate loud bars and restaurants. I have no idea why they exist and how people can like going to them with other people. I mean how the hell do you understand what is being said?
I end up coming home hoarse from yelling.
Agreed! I just end up frustrated because I’m tired of repeating myself 30 times so people can hear. Annoying
Crowds tend to close in on me at gatherings, but I can’t sign autographs for everyone. Worse, then I have no idea what to talk about. Which in one respect, means they’ll probably learn absolutely nothing from me. But, that could be a good thing. Because, sooner or later people eventually get around to asking what you do for a living, and that’s usually when I think; remember, only name, rank, and serial number. Hell, I could be a a social real butterfly at these things if it weren’t for these damn wings! 😀
Haha. I’m sure those wings DO attract a large crowd 🙂
That they do. And worse, I’m never mistaken for an angel! 😀
“I feel like I have dicks on my face every day.” – That is the best description for it ever, haha 🙂
Great piece! I’ve had to grow into the social stuff & I can be great f0r a while, then suddenly I hit a wall & need to get outa there fast & hide 🙂
Aww…I feel your pain. I am a social whore, but that has developed over many years of trying to find people to notice and see me. I grew up invisible in my house so I learned how to be the ‘funny girl’ and I could make anyone laugh. It is easy for me, but I found that people only knew as the funny girl and didn’t know the real me. The me that was hurting and really needing a friend. After many years of therapy and DBT groups, I have learned how to be vulnerable with people and allow them to see the REAL me and now people gravitate towards me. Granted I work in retail so they really have no choice, but I find that if I am open and let people in to the real me, then they feel comfortable doing the same. Remember, that when you are in a room full of noise, it is properly because everyone else is probably just as nervous so they are talking because they are afraid to really speak. From reading your blog, I know that you are the type of person that I would talk to in a room full of people.
Aw, thank you 🙂 I hope I can become a social whore one day, as well. Seems like quite the challenge.