How many times have you plugged your medical symptoms into Google in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going on with your body? If you haven’t ever done this, for the love of god, don’t start. Unless you think it’s fun to read the numerous ways you might die by the time dinner rolls around. You sick fuck. Just leave it to the professionals, guys. Google is a rude bitch who will try to convince naive teenage girls they can pregnant from gobbling the turkey. (I’ve actually seen girls think this — what the hell, parents? Talk to your kids.) It’s shady and you don’t want to trust it with easing your paranoia.
Speaking of turkey — today is Thanksgiving prep day. For the past few years, I’ve been in charge of the same foods: stuffing, mashed potatoes, and apple crisp. This time around, my mother-in-law basically begged me to not make the stuffing. She told me, with a forced smile, that she bought the ingredients to make stuffing weeks ago. Apparently mine has been so bad in the past she had to plan a month in advance. What the hell? Thanks, Karen. That didn’t sting like a bitch or anything.
Have fun cooking today, y’all. Hope everyone who is traveling is doing so safely. To all non-Americans who are going about their day like every other Wednesday: happy humping. (It is hump day, after all. Get to it.)
The Shameful Sheep 
It takes a special sort of talent to screw up stuffing you know 🙂
Hahah, I know. Pretty embarrassing.
I’m sure your mother in law just didn’t want you to have to do everything. LOL. It’s okay. I actually prefer not to cook. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was going to ask her — but she intimidates me a bit! haha. I’m a paranoid person, so I always assume the worst. Not a good trait to have lol
I totally get you! Mothers in law are quite a mystery! Anyway happy thanksgiving to you!
Thanks 🙂
Another funny post!! No Stuffing HAHA! We’re doing a half marathon tomorrow…then coming home to cook. Wait, I mean we’re doing a half marathon tomorrow, then I’M coming home to cook. Happy Thanksgiving, and keep the laughs coming. I’ll bet you’ll have something funny to say about your Thanksgiving!
Thanks a lot! Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. We were going to do a 5k tomorrow morning, but I haven’t been feeling well. Hence the Google self-diagnosing lol. Have fun. 🙂
I am American, and I would rather have the humping. Or the stuffing. Or whatever. I don’t eat turkey. I will give thanks for the humping. 🙂 or the stuffing. Just as long as it isn’t one minute stuffing.
Haha, I don’t eat turkey either. I pile up on the sides. Humping and stuffing sounds like a good combination to me. That’s the recipe for a perfect Thanksgiving lol.
Amaizeing.
Yes, after the post about 4500 calories consumed on T-day, I’ll take the humping, too! But whoever said THAT burns 150 calories needs to tell me what we’re doing wrong! 😀
Same here — I was planning on adding it to my cardio routine lol
Happy Thanksgiving!… but… what is hump day? From a perplexed non-American 🙂
‘Hump Day’ is a funny nickname for Wednesday. Wednesday is the middle day of a work week, so it’s like ‘getting over the hump’. I probably explained that terribly. Now I’m wondering if it’s only an American thing. If that’s the case, I totally failed at wishing the rest of the world a happy Wednesday lol
No, you didn’t fail, I get it. We often wish people a Happy Hump Day in Australia.
Oh, right… I thought it was something else entirely! Don’t worry, the rest of the world probably does know about it – I’m just on a different planet a lot of the time.
I used to try to self diagnose using the computer, but it fed right into my medical anxieties. The stuffing part, well, if your mother-in-law is like my husband, he REALLY likes his version of stuffing. Hence, we are bringing it tomorrow, despite the fact that there will be a vegetarian version there. Some people are picky…
I think that’s my problem — I tried to change up the stuffing last year. Everyone said they enjoyed it, but now I’m realizing it wasn’t quite well-received as I thought! People are definitely picky about their stuffing!
That was your problem. You tried to change something up. Never do that on a holiday at least in my family. One time I bought the cranberry sauce with the whole berries instead of the gelatin that looked like a can after you opened it. All hell broke loose. As for medical diagnosis — according to Google I have either the Black Plague or cholera. Personally I think it may be allergies. Please pass the wine!
Yep, I made a critical mistake! Oops lol. I don’t think you have the plague. Damn… Google is pretty morbid. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite day for wine and lots of it. Mmm
I make my stuffing outta a box: Stove Top to the rescue! 🙂
I also covet my DILs moms stuffing, which is made by hand, is absolutely delicious, and is the stuff of dreams I have around this time of year. Nom, nom, nom…
Haha, my in-laws like StoveTop, too. I think that’s why they took the job away from me — I like it from scratch. We have the opposite, but same problem! lol
I have done a lot of self diagnosis on google…I came to the conclusion I had “SLEEP APNEIA”… and I was wrong😕😕😕
I think I have a medical degree from all the symptoms I have Googled… 🙂 Have a wonderful time having the far superior stuffing and restrain from wishing that she chokes on it. But if she did, you could do the Heimlich maneuver and be the best daughter in law ever. 🙂
Haha that would bump me up to favorite daughter-in-law. Woo! Although, I’m afraid if she was choking I’d probably get freaked out and crack under pressure. That wouldn’t be good
You need to prepare yourself for a Walking Dead scenario and let your inner Michonne come out and all will be well. I hope you all have a lovely time and no-one chokes!
This is the perfect post. I recently googled an issue I was having and it said I have lukemia AND I just got done making a small thing of stuffing for myself for Thanksgiving because my in-laws only eat dressing (there’s a difference a huge difference!)
Hope you enjoy your mother-in-law’s stuffing and the rest of your Thanksgiving!
leukemia**
Thank you! I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, too :). We must be on the same wavelength…that’s a lot in common! I didn’t even think of making my own personal stuffing. I shoulda done that without telling her – it would have been hilarious to see her reaction 🙂
We’re having a mini stuffing war this year. I’d just as soon make it from a box, but Daughter #3 insists it be made fresh – and she is happy to do so. But she considers herself a gourmet cook, so her stuffing is a little strange sometimes. Meanwhile, mother-in-law announced that she would be coming for dinner and that she would bring the stuffing. Her stuffing is really good. Daughter #3 backed down and said she would bring an appetizer instead. But then mother-in-law decided to go somewhere else for dinner (and presumably take her stuffing with her), so now we’re back to Daughter #3 and whatever concoction she comes up with. As I said, I’d just as soon make the stuffing from a darn box. Thank you for letting me vent.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, that was rude of her to take something over, then dip out! There’s a lot of stuffing wars going on this week! I hope your daughter’s ‘gourmet’ version comes out good and your Thanksgiving is a happy one 🙂
Ouch on the stuffing…!
Yeah, forget Dr Google, just not worth the anxiety … and Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Thanks!! 🙂
It’s not all Google. WebMD though….
Ha ha ha I love the note “The Doctor will charge extra ….” best thing I’ve ever seen!
hello shameful sheep its dennis the vizsla dog hay dada sez with the internet its like evrywun has their own copy of the pdr to skayr themselvs with theez days!!! wotever a pdr is!!! ok bye
My husband threw his back out last weekend. After checking The Google he announced, “I need the heating pad, and I have cancer.” Happy Turkey Day!
Haha sounds about right. Happy thanksgiving to you! 🙂
You as well, and if you burn yourself cooking, put ice on it. Don’t look it up on Google. You’ll have cancer.
Yes! and the same reason I don’t watch medical shows on TV
Haha, I didn’t even think of that! I don’t watch them, either. I can do some of them, but the show I HAD to stop watching: House. There were too many ‘mysterious, hidden, undetectable illnesses’ for me. That revved up the hypochondria.
I have to admit, I do turn to google for the small things though, nothing serious. I just really hate going to the doctors. I don’t even have a family doctor lol and walk-ins are long waits. =/
Oh, same here. I’ve had some bad experience with doctors, so I always just look it up. It’s good for SOME things. Just don’t get too paranoid 😉
I know how to make dinner, I pick up the phone and make reservations, I do enoug dishes around here…let alone thanksgiving that once done, looks like a bomb went off in there….stuck on food, etc….but I have in my day seen a turkey that was cooked with the neck and giblets still inside….now that was just ick…..now, I eat a ton of sides too….not a big turkey fan🦃
The sides are where it’s at! Mmm. It’s better to go to someone else’s house for Thanksgiving, then you get to eat for free and don’t have to clean. Ha.
Thank you for the morning laugh! I’m about to start my prep for an untraditional Thanksgiving with only one of my weedlings this year. Since it is just the two of us, we’re option for decadent tidbits: baked brie, smoked salmon, etc. The morning laugh has me ready for a great day 🙂
Oh wow, I think I’d rather have your Thanksgiving than the traditional one. Very classy foods. Yum, brie. my favorite. I’m glad it made you laugh! I hope your day is awesome. Your food sure sounds awesome. Mmm
Enjoyed your post especially as I love food, but I can’t say anything bad about mother in laws as I am about to join that awesome (I hope) club. Thanks for visiting my site.
Congratulations 🙂 I actually get along really well with my in-laws. This is the first time I’ve ever had a non-amazing thing to say about anyone.
At least you tried to cook something, that’s better than the bumming around/free-loading that I’m doing.
I LOVE Dr Google, but I’ve definitely diagnosed myself with hypochondria, so all’s ok, ha! 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you! I’m a hypochondriac too, that’s why I can’t step away from the google searching! I’m obsessed lol. Even when it tells me I have Ebola
Every time my (very male) partner uses Dr Google, he turns out to be pregnant
Hahah nice!
LoL So was her stuffing any better than yours? Truly enjoyed your post!
It wasn’t haha. But it was alright, I guess. (I say reluctantly lol)
Yep! Pretty shameful! TV commercials are notorious for telling you 18 ways their medication might kill you. We all react to that stuff differently. Yeah… My better half? She always wants to make the stuffing. She puts pork in it and I don’t eat pork. Just so there’s no argument, I close my eyes and swallow… I’ve been trained… I have a pedigree…
Hahaha hahaha.