running on the fast track to hell

Last night I received an anonymous email telling me the reasons I’m going to hell. Swearing. Sexual references. Talking about crude bodily functions. I’m on the fast track, people. You better stand clear.  In my mind, ‘shit’ is a simply a word. Sex is a normal, healthy, adult behavior. Pooping? Well, everybody poops. Even 2-year-olds know this. Relax. If you think I’m going to hell solely for these things, well… you’re implying God is an asshole.

familyguygod

You can tell me why I’m going to hell. How much my grammar sucks. That you hope my cat pees on my pillow while I’m sleeping on it. List the reasons why you hate me. It’s all fine… as long as you tell me who you are so I can email you back. We are adults. We should be able to have a conversation and act like it. Right? Usually, I do appreciate the honesty.

On a different note: I wrote most of this post last night. This morning when I was running, I tripped and fell into a bush covered in thorns. I was far from home, so I had to keep going for awhile with blood all over my legs. A few people asked if I was okay, but most stared at me like I was bat-shit-crazy. Am I being punished? Is this karma? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

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119 thoughts on “running on the fast track to hell

  1. chattykerry says:

    I think it’s definitely a sign – you are going straight to f***ing hell! I hope your anonymous person is reading this and fainted. Poop, pee, shit, syphillis – I am running out of bad words.

  2. Daniel Peterson says:

    Sorry to drive you back nearly a month in thought, and I absolutely know without a shadow of a doubt that everybody’s brain keeps track of every word they write as to what was written, when it was written, for what length of time it had been before it had been changed saved in memory again…well, anyway, just wanted to comment on this post. Sorry it’s so far gone into the leaves of yester-suffer/depressive/oppressive situationals, but hey, I just picked up the smell of your blog just barely, and that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it. I just think that karma’s a bitch! I feel sorry that that lame-ass emailer hexed you, but, hey, I think you got more readers on your message than he did on his. If hell has payback there’ll be plenty of voices telling him where to go! How does Jack Swallows say it on Epic Movie: Revenge…is…mine… …. … Bitch! Just had to jump in and say something, just cause I could. Sorry I couldn’t chase him down myself and throw him into a rose bush for ya’ll.

  3. Josh dV says:

    We are all adults, but I’m beyond expecting anyone else to act like one until they’ve shown me that are capable AND consistent in doing so.

    As for running, well most lazy fucks will think you’re ape-shit for running AT ALL, regardless of how torn up you look while doing it.

    Keep putting one foot in front of the other and let them wonder.

  4. Brian Lageose says:

    Anonymous emails annoy the shit out of me, as well as shitty people who see a blood-drenched woman walking by and don’t bother offering to call the damn doctor. Jesus Christ… 😉

  5. literaryeyes says:

    I don’t think the trip and fall was a “hex” or “karma,” but the anxiety that comes from being called names. Words have power. You felt you had to respond, to defend yourself, but in doing that you had to keep what he said in mind. You asked for conversation, but dialogue only works when both people are rational.

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