i don’t think that’s lemonade…

Ever have one of those days?  You know, the kind where you get to finally find out what urine tastes like, and take a knuckle-puck to the face? Unfortunately, I have. A ‘knuckle-puck’ is not a clever way of saying I was punched. I’m talking about a Mighty-Ducks-inspired hockey shot that drove a puck, courtesy of my brother, right into the cheek of a sad, awkward 8-year-old clutching a Cabbage Patch Kids lunchbox. If you haven’t heard of The Mighty Ducks: you suck and there’s simply no way we can go on being friends any longer. We’re done. (Okay, I’m only joking.) I don’t think I’ve ever even eluded to the fact that I have an older brother. But, he does exist, and he was being an asshole that day. Now, I will say in his defense – I don’t think he  was actually aiming at me. Or… that’s what I like to tell myself, at least.

It was winter in Connecticut at the time. When I ran inside crying to my mom, she sent me back out to lay in the snow. She wasn’t going to let me use the frozen peas she paid for to rest on my bruise when there was free snow just laying around everywhere outside. C’mon, now. 

monstersincsnowcone

This is where a shitty situation turned, well… pissy. All I can say is: don’t believe it when someone tells you yellow snow is just extra lemonade they dumped out earlier in the day. My 8-year-old self can assure you – it’s not. 

It was a rough day. Boys, I tell ya.

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70 thoughts on “i don’t think that’s lemonade…

  1. Rebecca Royy says:

    Poor thing! I feel so sorry for your 8 year old self. My six year old self once thought it would be great to roll down a hill on my side, through some dog poop….in my hair.

  2. Heather says:

    Jesus, siblings can be cruel. I have six, I KNOW. Though fortunately, the oldest ones couldn’t even bother to notice those of us a the younger end. It’s the ones close to your age you really have to watch out for. Thank God they get a LOT better when they get older. Hope your crappy Monday improves!

  3. King Dunn says:

    No offense, I don’t really know who you are but that wasn’t funny. Like how many puns could you possibly use. I don’t mean to be rude but how do people like stuff that isn’t funny? Wow. Ends up disrespecting humor.

      • cordeliasmom2012 says:

        Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I certainly laughed when I read it. I had older brothers, too. But it was my younger brother who accidentally hit me in the face with a miniature golf club, breaking my brand new eyeglasses. Even though she could barely afford to replace those glasses, al my mother said was, “Thank God it wasn’t your eye – and next time stand further away when he’s swinging.”

        (And I also remember learning about yellow snow the hard way.)

      • cordeliasmom2012 says:

        He was only 5 and had never played mini-golf before. He thought he should swing like he had seen on TV. I was 9 and standing too close behind him because I was eager for my turn.

    • Justice&Humanity says:

      I don’t mean to be offensive, but humor is subjective. If you actually know anything about the history of comedy, you would know that the most humiliating, embarrassing situations are the ones that make people laugh. This may not be great for some, but it’s just true. For some, distance and laughter can help.

  4. Majella Boland says:

    Ahhh poor you, but a very funny post….. Typical mum back in the day. Funnily I can understand it now. You have to grow up to realise these things. Saving peas that is. And not the bodily kind lol

  5. Kate Crimmins says:

    Wow! You have some opinionated commenters here! I like bodily function humor (does falling in yellow snow really qualify without graphic descriptions of how it got there?). Everyone can relate (can’t they?). Anyhow I think your Mom and my Mom were related. Fortunately my brothers are way older than me and out of the house when I was 8.

  6. vsperry says:

    I’m sitting here with a swollen lip from falling off a curb onto the road last night and relating to this post in a totally different way than most people. Wine will be drunk tonight. Good thing I’m not five anymore.

  7. joey says:

    I know a guy whose mother forced him to finish his lemonade as child, and it was turpentine his dad left on the table :/
    I think these incidents might be more common than we think.

  8. bgddyjim says:

    I know the Ducks (just the Ducks now, after they dropped the “Mighty”). When we were in the Western Conference, ours was the last team you faced in your playoff run… Chuckle. I have three different photos with the Cup from three different years. My wife’s cousin was a part of the support staff for the Red Wings. Chuckle.

  9. Miriam says:

    Ooh, I can relate, I have an older brother too and he used to get up to some stuff. As for frozen peas, I use them on hubby now when he needs a cold press – totally therapeutic!

  10. thevioletdiaries97 says:

    I just discovered your blog and love it so I’ve nominated you for the versatile blogger award! Check out my post on it and then do yours 😀 x
    ps. If you’ve already been nominated, apologies, I didn’t notice, but hey now you’ve got two nominations!

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