Ever have one of those days? You know, the kind where you get to finally find out what urine tastes like, and take a knuckle-puck to the face? Unfortunately, I have. A ‘knuckle-puck’ is not a clever way of saying I was punched. I’m talking about a Mighty-Ducks-inspired hockey shot that drove a puck, courtesy of my brother, right into the cheek of a sad, awkward 8-year-old clutching a Cabbage Patch Kids lunchbox. If you haven’t heard of The Mighty Ducks: you suck and there’s simply no way we can go on being friends any longer. We’re done. (Okay, I’m only joking.) I don’t think I’ve ever even eluded to the fact that I have an older brother. But, he does exist, and he was being an asshole that day. Now, I will say in his defense – I don’t think he was actually aiming at me. Or… that’s what I like to tell myself, at least.
It was winter in Connecticut at the time. When I ran inside crying to my mom, she sent me back out to lay in the snow. She wasn’t going to let me use the frozen peas she paid for to rest on my bruise when there was free snow just laying around everywhere outside. C’mon, now.
This is where a shitty situation turned, well… pissy. All I can say is: don’t believe it when someone tells you yellow snow is just extra lemonade they dumped out earlier in the day. My 8-year-old self can assure you – it’s not.
It was a rough day. Boys, I tell ya.
The Shameful Sheep 
LOL! I would have died. This is hilarious. Thanks for making my Monday!
Thanks 🙂 glad I could help haha
Poor thing! I feel so sorry for your 8 year old self. My six year old self once thought it would be great to roll down a hill on my side, through some dog poop….in my hair.
Haha oh gross. Maybe poop is a good moisturizer and you just happened to be a genius 6-yr-old. Want to take one for the team and test the theory?
Yea….NO
Sibling rivalry eh? I don’t have any siblings. Which is lucky as my father shot his sister. She lived, unfortunately for him. So he pushed her off a haystack onto a combine harvester. What chance of normality did I have? http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY
Oh jeez. I’m hoping this is sarcasm. If this is true, it’s pretty terrible! I’m glad you didn’t have siblings.
Jesus, siblings can be cruel. I have six, I KNOW. Though fortunately, the oldest ones couldn’t even bother to notice those of us a the younger end. It’s the ones close to your age you really have to watch out for. Thank God they get a LOT better when they get older. Hope your crappy Monday improves!
Wow, that’s a lot of siblings. I can’t even imagine. You’re right – it gets better as you age. We are really close now. No more pucks to the face. Woo
Ewwww….poor you😱😱😱
I luckily have only one sibling a younger brother…but yeah he has also crossed heights of doing such crazy things…😒😒😒😒
Hi Blair. Love your blog, and your style, but don’t you have some stories that don’t have to do with bodily functions?
Of course I do 🙂 I never notice how much I talk about bodily functions until someone reminds me. Don’t worry – the rest of my posts I’ve planned for this week are bodily-function free. Woo
aaawwww sad but so funny 😀
Wow. Ew.
Brothers can be sooo mean! I know have 3. Two older and one younger. I also know sisters can be mean. Just ask my younger brother. 😀
Haha aw. That’s hilarious 🙂
The whole time reading this I was having flashbacks of my older brother when he shot me point blank with the pump-style bb gun. (stupid older brothers)… I feel your pain!!
They can really be asses sometimes lol. I hope he is nicer to you now
Ewwwww……
No offense, I don’t really know who you are but that wasn’t funny. Like how many puns could you possibly use. I don’t mean to be rude but how do people like stuff that isn’t funny? Wow. Ends up disrespecting humor.
Obviously, there are different types of humor. I don’t expect everyone to like what I write. Even my mother doesn’t. I appreciate your opinion. Feel free to criticize. It’s not really necessary to criticize my readers, though.
Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I certainly laughed when I read it. I had older brothers, too. But it was my younger brother who accidentally hit me in the face with a miniature golf club, breaking my brand new eyeglasses. Even though she could barely afford to replace those glasses, al my mother said was, “Thank God it wasn’t your eye – and next time stand further away when he’s swinging.”
(And I also remember learning about yellow snow the hard way.)
Ouch… How hard do you have to swing a mini golf club? I barely tap the ball. I can’t imagine swinging so hard it broke someone’s glasses lol.
He was only 5 and had never played mini-golf before. He thought he should swing like he had seen on TV. I was 9 and standing too close behind him because I was eager for my turn.
I don’t mean to be offensive, but humor is subjective. If you actually know anything about the history of comedy, you would know that the most humiliating, embarrassing situations are the ones that make people laugh. This may not be great for some, but it’s just true. For some, distance and laughter can help.
Ahhh poor you, but a very funny post….. Typical mum back in the day. Funnily I can understand it now. You have to grow up to realise these things. Saving peas that is. And not the bodily kind lol
Oh, I agree. If I had kids I’d be saving my peas and sending my kid outside, too! Lol
this made my monday..
Thank you 🙂
Wow, no words.
Urine serious trouble now. Talk about a pet PEEve.
Great pun hahaha. Love it
Wow! You have some opinionated commenters here! I like bodily function humor (does falling in yellow snow really qualify without graphic descriptions of how it got there?). Everyone can relate (can’t they?). Anyhow I think your Mom and my Mom were related. Fortunately my brothers are way older than me and out of the house when I was 8.
I know, right? Some strong opinions today. All on a post that was just a tribute to my brother and our childhood together lol. That’s okay, though. To each their own. You were saved from many terrible sibling moments! Lucky lol
I was 5 years younger than my brother. I used to play tricks on him and he would beat me up… I mean, that was normal for us…
I hope it was a playful ‘beating up’ and not actually violent. That’s terrible. Especially if it was normal.
That sounds like a horrible, awful, no good, very bad day!
If only my name was Alexander 🙂
Brilliant. I had thought that this had happened only recently.
Oh jeez, no. Thankfully. I’m glad you’re back. I was wondering where you had gone. I got worried and was stalking your page the other day.
Ha ha. That just brought a huge smile to my face. I was AWOL. Probably sleeping.
Hahaha woooo this is great and horrible at the same time! 😀
Yessss. Thanks! haha
I am so glad I didn’t have an older brother! I had a younger brother, and I think I might be the reason he has issues!! Oopsy-daisy!
Haha, he wasn’t normally so bad. It definitely would have been more fun being older and corrupting another vs the youngest.
Damn, look at all the fun I missed out on as an only child! Not to mention all the weirdness that brings with it. By the way, you’re hilarious, just sayin’…
Haha oh, you missed out alright. Thank you 🙂
I’m sitting here with a swollen lip from falling off a curb onto the road last night and relating to this post in a totally different way than most people. Wine will be drunk tonight. Good thing I’m not five anymore.
Ouch… I hope you heal up quickly. That doesn’t sound very enjoyable. Enjoy your wine & drink a glass for me. Mmm
I know a guy whose mother forced him to finish his lemonade as child, and it was turpentine his dad left on the table
I think these incidents might be more common than we think.
Wow. That’s terrible…. I hope it didn’t do much harm.
Oh no! I wasn’t the nicest to my little brother… I told him that worms were living spaghetti… Our mom caught him just before he chomped into it. Sad days. lol
Hahah that’s awesome. I’m sure he remembers it fondly!
My mom tells that one constantly. Every time she tells it when we are together he just gives me a look lol
I know the Ducks (just the Ducks now, after they dropped the “Mighty”). When we were in the Western Conference, ours was the last team you faced in your playoff run… Chuckle. I have three different photos with the Cup from three different years. My wife’s cousin was a part of the support staff for the Red Wings. Chuckle.
Niiiice. That’s pretty cool.
Ooh, I can relate, I have an older brother too and he used to get up to some stuff. As for frozen peas, I use them on hubby now when he needs a cold press – totally therapeutic!
The peas totally work! It’s always a good fall back lol
I didn’t like my siblings a whole lot when I was growing up but I REALLY like them now that we are all older. Sorry about the lemonade snowcone. And, um, I think you meant allude rather than elude but you can delete this sentence after you check.
Oh, I agree. I get along really well with my siblings now that we are older. It’s nice. And, whoops. My grammar isn’t as up to par as it used to be lol
I’m thankful for my older brother who loved the Mighty Ducks movies so we can still be friends! Sooooo sad about younger you! What a day!
Haha phew. That movie was all the rage back then.
We do all have different levels of humour – mine is definitely along these lines – brilliant 😄
Thanks for your support 🙂
Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow. 😀
You’re hilarious!
Thank you 🙂
You are sick and twisted! That’s why I like you 😉
Aw, that’s so sweet. Haha. Thanks!
I just discovered your blog and love it so I’ve nominated you for the versatile blogger award! Check out my post on it and then do yours 😀 x
ps. If you’ve already been nominated, apologies, I didn’t notice, but hey now you’ve got two nominations!