Visiting my parents is always interesting – mainly because they are tiptoeing the fine line of descent into crazy-town. Their responses to things have always been questionable… like the time my sister was brought home by the police because she was caught drunk, underage, and hanging her bare ass out of a moving vehicle. Or the time my brother tried to unsuccessfully grow weed in a dark corner of his room. But, we were polite and got good grades. That was all that mattered back then.
Alex and I saw them in NYC a few months ago, and this particular conversation happened in the middle of a crowded restaurant. (The people sitting next to us were not amused.)
Dad: I’m ready to leave the city and retire. Too much weirdness here. And people are proud of it. What the hell happened to keeping things private? Too much Facebook and crap. Even the guys in the building across from ours leave the curtains wide open when they have visitors. Jesus. What’s the world coming to?
Me: Oh, God…
Dad: Yep. These kids have no shame. There’s new women over every night. And they have the hoochiest clothes on. It’s like the red light district. You can see everything. People holding their legs open, kneeling, heads bobbing. It’s hummer city over there.
Me: Oh, gross. Do we have to talk about this here?
Dad: Blair… don’t be rude. Hookers need love, too.
(Dad – you are inappropriate, graphic, a little bit ridiculous, and a lot of crazy. Thanks for being awesome.)
The Shameful Sheep 
Do your parents live in NYC?
They lived in Stamford, CT. But took the train into NYC often. They actually retired and now live full-time in Palm Springs, CA 🙂
Okay, I’m originally from NY and moved to LA now so a bit of a similar trajectory.
Oh, wow. Well, your dad does have a point- everybody needs loves. Even hookers. Lol!
So true haha
Oh wow – in overly PC modern days your dad sounds like someone who a) has an opinion and b) is not afraid to state it – oh and c) he’s a non-conformist – 🙂 – a man who knows his own mind – aren’t you glad you didn’t grow up with the mental equivalent of laundry detergent? I guess your brother did not turn into a biologist then and your sister is a doctor?
Definitely glad there’s no laundry detergent personalities here. My brother is a firefighter, and my sister is a nurse. (Close! Works with doctors lol)
Ah firefighter – on the right side of the law then, good thing he didn’t pursue botany, it was not destined to be (unless he had grow lamps in that dark corner) And for your sister, my first guess was indeed nurse!! I have worked with many a one 🙂 sounds like a fun family
Nope. No lamps. Just a lot of idiocy haha.
😂😂😂 You’ve just gotta love him.
Totally agree 🙂
That’s the one good thing I can think of about getting older, you just don’t give a crap what other people think! Keep talking, Mr. Sheep!
Right? Haha. It’s nice not to care.
That’s awesome! Your Dad is fuuny.
Thanks. I agree 🙂
Gotta love it! My Ma is 88 now, but a pip. I love being around her. I probably still am at the embarassing age for my kiddos…and am proud of it! 🙂
You should be! My parents are embarrassing, but I’m at the point finally where I love it. I didn’t appreciate it so much when I was younger lol
No I get that…I hated stuff my Mom did when I was younger! She had a wallpapered car when I was in HS! She drove it around town because she sold wallpaper in the SMALL town I lived it! OMG. Weird. My daughter thinks it’s great. Of course if I had done it, they would have hated me. 🙂
Hahaha I’ve never heard of that. Wallpapering your car. I would have been mortified, too!
The cousin that just visited had a picture because he inherited it. I can send it to you but I don’t know how to attach it to a comment?
I don’t know how to, either lol. You can email me it at theshamefulsheep@gmail.com though 🙂
Comin’ at you!
Haha that car is amazing. I’m surprised she didn’t inspire a movement of car-wallpapering 🙂 Thanks for the picture!
That’s funny…not in that small town!
Fantastic! I wish I had been there. I can just imagine the look on your face.
I was kind of mortified because our waiter was standing there. I’m sure my face showed shock & awe as I laughed nervously haha
HAHA! This made me LOL!! 😀
Your dad is awesome!
Agreed 🙂 he’s pretty great!
It’s great to have a dad with a sense of humor. Er… he was joking, right?
Yes, he was joking. (I hope/think)
Phew… 🙂
Oh, jeez, I would have given your dad a high five if I knew he was ogling us. Hahahahaha. Kidding, kidding. I only work in NYC. Oh, wait. That might sound even worse.
Hahaha jeeeez. Do you live in Stamford, CT? That’s actually where they lived at the time. We just always met in NYC.
Nope. Long Island, the burbs. And I hate it here. When my son graduates high school, we want out. Be a while (retirement) will we leave New York itself, but I’ll be far more contented when I get out of Snobsville. Long Island sucks huge crusty Sasquatch gonads, especially if you do not drive.
Yep. I feel ya. Long Island blows. My parents are both from Commack. I can’t imagine not having a car lol
You have got to let me know when you are visiting NYC again; we could get together and shock people, and find stray cats to cuddle.
Sounds perfect. I’ll definitely tell you haha
Reblogged this on atleastihaveafrigginglass and commented:
Dad sounds like a fun guy to me. So do the guys across the street…
You’re not wrong lol.
Lol! That’s what I was gonna say!
Hummer City. I’ll run for mayor…
A highly revered position over there lol
My mom is often inappropriate and frequently over-shares. She’s in PA now, but I think all that NYC water she drank as a kid must have something to do with it. You might want to warn people.
Haha. Yeah, I probably should.
Your dad seems awesome.
He’s pretty cool 🙂
Oh my gosh! I laughed out loud. Love your dad!
Haha yay. He’s pretty great!
One time, in an Italian restaurant on First Avenue, dad pointed to another table and said in an alcoholic sotto voce voice “I THINK THEY’RE MAFIA”. While I was slowly attempting to disappear under the table in case stray bullets came our way, my mom said “George, it’s rude to point.” Yeah. That’ll stop us from getting whacked, mom…
Hahaha. That is NOT something that should be pointed out. Especially loudly! That would have scared me. Too funny
LOL. Hookers need love too.
He had a point. It was crazy haha. But it’s probably true 🙂
Laughing my something or other off! 🙂 Dad’s rock!
They definitely do 😀
LOL Love this one!
I can see where you get it from….!
It all makes sense, right? lol 🙂
hahaha. Dad Rocks!!!. LMAO.
He’s pretty funny 🙂
sounds like it.
Reblogged this on plotlessone.com and commented:
On reading this you will realize that your family is not the only weird family in the world. You are not alone….
Haha…gotta love daddy! Mine is 80 and from NJ…and what they say is true…you can take the man out of NJ, but you can’t take NJ…well, you know the rest.
Exactly haha
Most people resent their parents for not preparing them for the world. At least your dad tells it like it is!
That’s true, he’s definitely always been honest and straight forward lol
Did you get my email of the car??
Yes it’s hilarious! Never seen anything like it 🙂
My dad was wonderfully inappropriate too, and when I least expected it. I miss him some every day.
It’s always better like that 🙂
Hey Shameful Sheep…I’ve noticed you’ve been following my little blog for a while, but I haven’t been doing so much blog reading lately, so only now am I wandering over to see what’s happening over here. I like your blog a whole lot. Back soon.
Thank you 🙂
Great post. Sounds like Archie Bunker is still alive and well!
Haha it does! Didn’t think of that
THIS IS THE KIND OF MOTHER I ASPIRE TO BE. Hahahaha
Right? Haha. Me too. It will definitely be more entertaining that way.
Humiliating the kids = MUCH ENTERTAINMENT
“Don’t be rude.” That’s a top-shelf response right there and I aspire to be a similar Dad to my daughter. Enjoy.
Thanks. He is a great dad. I aspire to be the same but as a mom.
I like your parents point of view. Yes your kids are going to experiment and go a bit too far sometimes, but as long as they are polite and get good grades…… Sounds good to me!!!!
I agree :). I hope to be the same with my future kids. They had a good idea of what was important for the future vs ‘a kid being a kid.’ We never went completely wild and rebelled because our parents let us have space to figure stuff out on our own. They are great 🙂
I have to say, I like your Dad. He would fit right in here, in our house where we do not follow the sheep syndrome i.e. just because everyone else is doing it we don’t necessarily do it too. However, that said we will follow Blair with interest.
Thanks 🙂
Haha “Hookers need love too” that is going to be my answer to EVERYTHING today.
That will be a good random answer for things haha.
Hookers need love too!!!
Lol I laughed so much, I would love to overhear this conversation in a restaurant! Those ungrateful people next to you just don’t know how lucky they are! ;-D
Right? Me too. The restaurant was a bit ‘stuffy’ if you know what I mean 😉
My dad is like that too. He actually encouraged me to party and experiment though. He was more of a best friend than a father. Lmao! I miss him. Thanks for your blog post! 🙂
Dads like that are the best. My dad encouraged us to experiment and do our thing, but there were some things he was strict about. It’s great 🙂
Definitely! There’s worse dads out there! Ha!
Love it. Your dad sounds awesome.
Thanks 🙂 He is!
your dad is awesome! I think he and I would get along great.
I can safely say that as a parent myself, when your child is growing up, you look after them, showering them with love and plot and plan about all the things you are going to do when they are old enough for you to embarress without it being considered child abuse, its the only way you hand onto your last bit of sanity
Haha that sounds pretty fun, actually 🙂
According to my Dad its the fun part of parenting, where as my mum firmly believes the best part of parenting, is filling the grandkids up with their body weight in sugar and then send them home.
This could just be my parents 😉
Haha that’s funny
Thats because they are not your parents :-p
This made me laugh….. and I had to share it with my husband…. it is soooo his mom too!
Haha that’s awesome
Hahahahahaha got to love parents. My mum being “awkwardly British” (well Welsh really lol) would pretend not to notice any across the road shenanigans whilst simultaneously breaking her neck to nose lol x
Haha. I’m kind of nosy too, I don’t blame her! That’s hilarious though 🙂