When it’s thundering, people say ‘God is bowling.’ When it’s raining – ‘God is crying.’ So, what’s it called when it’s snowing or sleeting and all this white shit is getting blanketed all over us? Is it dandruff? Jizz? Is this how Mary got pregnant? What the hell is going on up there? A girl deserves to know if there’s a possibility she’s shuffling and wading through multiple inches of jizz.
As someone who grew up in upstate New York, then lived in northern Utah near the mountains of Park City (arguably some of the best skiing in the country,) it’s always interesting to see North Carolina’s response to winter threats. Truthfully, it scares me. Not the weather – the people of NC. I’ve never seen weather turn a bunch of schmucks into unruly dicks so quick before. I went into the store for five minutes last night and everyone was in a panic. They were sweating, brash, and looked like they were suffering from some severe constipation. Ex-lax aisle 3. I mean, seriously… what the hell is going to happen when there’s something crazy like a zombie apocalypse? A war on our soil? Get your shit together, NC.
Let’s not have another repeat from 2 years ago. Okay, Raleigh?
In all seriousness – I hope y’all stay safe during this storm. I know some places have the potential for blizzard conditions. Stay home. Light a fire. Put on your adult-size onesie. Eat a bunch of chips. Get out your board games. That’s what I’m going to be doing. I wish there were winter storms every day.
*As a disclaimer – I grew up in a very Catholic family. My mom taught CCD from our house, and my dad grew up as an alter boy who went to seminary school for a period of time. I don’t need a lesson in theology 🙂 It’s just humor. (No e-mails about how I’m going to hell, okay?) And – I love NC, too. No hate.