Dear random woman in the movie theater last night,
It took every ounce of my being to refrain from getting up, bitch slapping you, and dumping my blue raspberry slushie on your head. You know how they ask you to ‘please silence your cell phones?’ The same goes with your trap. For the love of God – keep it shut. If you can’t keep yourself from the incessant gossiping and talking about how shitty your love life is for three hours, a movie theater isn’t the place for you. Next time you should try going to your friend’s house or going out to dinner. Anywhere but a place that 98% of the people there have the expectation of silence and enjoyment. Thanks for making the most terrible movie I’ve ever seen worse. Do you ever stop?! Ahhhhhh…
PS – You owe my husband an apology because I crushed his hand while holding myself back from saying something to you.
From: Blair (and I’m sure everyone else in the theater. They only turned and looked at you 50 times but you never got the hint.)
(Have any of you seen The Revenant? Seriously…. don’t. And yes, I still enjoy a blue slushie. You only live once, right?)