you’re weird, let’s be friends

When I was living in New York, one of my biggest complaints were the people. Sure, there were some good ones around, but it seemed like the majority were complete assholes. If they didn’t ignore you, they went out of their way to be a straight prick. New Yorkers…right? It’s the opposite here in the south. Some days, like today, you get to meet a really odd stranger while picking out some produce. strangerdangercat

Random Guy: Okay, I have to ask. Why are you buying so many jalapenos? What are you making that’s so spicy?

Me: Just jalapeno poppers for the Super Bowl. Nothing crazy.

RG: Oh. Are you sharing them with other people? If not, you are going to be shitting fire for a week straight.

Me: *holds up bag of 35 jalapenos* Yeah. Definitely sharing all of these. No ass-fire for me.

RG:  I did it once. On a dare. I ate 10 whole ones. I felt like there was a zombie baby stuck in my colon and eating me from the inside. I was pretty sure my intestines were going to blow up and I was going to die. What a weird way to die, right? That would be a weird obituary. Death by ass-plosion.  But at the same time, I’d love to make my parents have to deal with that added embarrassment when I’m gone.

Me: … you’re pretty fucking weird.

RG: Yeah, I’m sorry. That was pretty inappropriate to say to a stranger.

Me: No… I’m trying to ask you to be my friend. I love weird. Anyone who has the balls to say ‘ass-plosion’ to a stranger is okay by me.

minionhug

 

Ah… gotta love the south.

GO PANTHERS. WOO!

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164 thoughts on “you’re weird, let’s be friends

  1. Tracey Love says:

    Simply put, you’re awesome. You sound like my kind of people. I love your blog! Where do you live? My wife and I are planning a move in 3-5 years. We are most likely looking to go west, but I am always interested in hearing about where other people are from. We are from Massachusetts now. Now you think the liberal state would suit my hippie ass, but snow sucks. I might have to compromise and go somewhere where I still have to see the stuff, but not as much. Maybe S. Oregon or N. California. Who knows what fate will throw at us, but in the meantime I am having a damn good time getting to meet people from every state and from abroad. You’re weird too -hell yes, let’s be friends. Peace!

  2. laceduplutheran says:

    Southerners have some great phrases. One that I picked up from a guy from Kentucky is “That’s as fresh as a fox in a forest fire.” I still have no idea what that means, but I love the expression.

  3. terrepruitt says:

    This is the best thing I have read on the internet in a long time . . . . maybe ever . . .

    HILARIOUS!!!!!

    I am going to us that word “Assplosion”. Yup. Gonna blame someone for having one? Or do you “do” one? Either way . . . gonna be a new household word.

  4. DocMuscles says:

    That was a pickup line. Testosterone deficient, carb-loaded Southern male thought process, I’d guess. No one uses the term “assplosion” without having had some deep thoughts about conversations after 10 jalapenos.
    Very entertaining. Thanks, Blair!

  5. Po' Girl Shines says:

    I don’t know what this says about me but when I used to be a vendor rep for one of the largest interior decorating companies in America years ago, my co-workers hated the customers and vendors from New York too. I know lots of people that don’t like New Yorkers. For some reason the New Yorkers loved me and I them. We go along great and they would ask for me by name. I’m from Detroit and actually planned to move to New York many years ago but never did. I have to say I do love quirky, krazies, maybe that’s it.

  6. Ilona Elliott says:

    HA! I almost spewed coffee on the screen. I love weird people too. It’s gotten me in trouble a few times. I have gotten friendly with people that my co-workers obviously feared, at least I think that’s what their furtive eye movements were trying to tell me, and then ended up surprised when things did get seriously weird. Sometimes it’s hard to discern weird from WEIRD!!! I think I’ve gotten better at it but I still talk to just about anyone. I was definitely one of those chicks Ted Bundy would have lured into his van when I was young, living in his part of the country too. Guess I’m lucky to still be alive. Thanks for the insight!

    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      Wow. I’m glad Bundy didn’t lure you. Scary haha. There is a fine line of weird and WEIRD. Sadly… it seems like a lot more people err on the side of WEIRD/scary. Gotta be careful out there haha. I’m glad you’re getting better 🙂

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