the nerve of that woman

Remember when the hardest decision you’d have to face all day was what flavor Kool-Aid you wanted to have? It was an important choice, fueled by the fear that if you didn’t pick the right one, it wouldn’t complement the taste of your Flintstone’s vitamins. I ate those like crack when I was a kid. When my mom wasn’t looking I’d crawl onto the counter and steal an entire handful and shove them into my grubby little mouth. She caught me once, and moved them to a place where I couldn’t reach no matter how hard I tried. That was the first time I remember wishing that fire would rain down on her. How dare she do such a thing! The nerve of that woman.


Yesterday Alex and I were having a lengthy conversation about Hot Pockets. I know… wtf, right? We talk about some random shit in my house. Hot Pockets aren’t exempt. When I was a kid, I thought Hot Pockets were the best invention. I even wrote a small report on them for school about their greatness. I thought that they were packaged in something that would,quite literally, keep them hot while they were in your pocket. Great for people who wanted a snack while they were in class or people who couldn’t take a break at work. I was amazed. What a genius idea.

So, I didn’t grow up wanting to be a ballerina or a veterinarian. I grew up wanting to work for whoever made Hot Pockets. My parents wanted me to aim high. So I did.


I love the innocence of childhood. Luckily, I’m surrounded by young nieces and nephews to remind me how great life is when you’re young. Actually, I’m going to leave y’all with a joke my 4-year-old niece told me last weekend that had her rolling around in laughter.

A hippo put on a purple coat.



…….. I wish I was as funny as her.


83 thoughts on “the nerve of that woman

  1. perfectpanicky says:

    4-year-olds are the greatest. Both of mine thought saying “Applesauce BOOK!” was hysterical. And I had a friend whose 4-year-old thought “The pig fell in the mud!” was the funniest thing ever.

  2. I'm Not Anastasia says:

    My main (I thought) life altering decision when I was a kid was selecting my cereal by what toy came inside. My mom would leave me in the cereal aisle to work it out while she did the rest of the grocery shopping. Sometimes I sill hadn’t decided by the time she would come back, and she was shopping for a family of six.

  3. pixieannie says:

    What on earth are ‘hot pockets?’ Now I want one but I probably couldn’t eat it, even if I had one.

    I used to eat malt extract by the spoonful. My sister and I would argue over the last gloop in the jar. I still love it to this day.

    Buzz Lightyear…erm, is that what I think it is, or means?

    4 year olds say it as it is. When I asked my youngest son what he wanted to be when he grew up, he thought briefly for about 3 seconds and then announced, ‘a woman with a jyna.’ Excellent. If he reads this, he is going to kill me, slowly, over a hot fire with a pointed stick and throw marshmallows at me. I’ll be dead and sticky.

  4. kstewand4cats says:

    Six year old nephew watching my calico get high on one of the catnip stuffed toys:”That cat really likes that beaver. She’s getting it all wet.” Thoughtful aunt:”Yes, everyone like a wet beaver.” Nephew:”She should marry it!”

  5. Mike M says:

    Had the same kind of internal conflict growing up. Now I watch in quiet amusement as my 3 year old struggles with his decision when we only have time for one bedtime story. If only life was that “challenging” again. And now he’s entering into the bodily functions are hilarious phase (I doubt that he’ll ever grow out of it, truth be told), and the mere mention of bodily gas will cause him to fall to the floor in a fit of laughter. Kids are crazy, but awesome.

    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      Books are a hard decision haha. I totally see where he is coming from 🙂 Bodily functions are always hilarious. What makes them better is when kids have fits of laughter and you have to try to maintain your composure. Are you successful? Haha. I would be on the floor laughing with him.

  6. erinb9 says:

    Totally forgot how awesome Flintstones vitamins were. Those rocked.

    Also, that pink amoxicillan crap that tastes like strawberry daiquiris we used to get whenever we had ear infections.

  7. suzan says:

    Those vitamins were like crack!
    They were so wonderfully chalky and would coat your teeth until you felt like you were actually wearing socks in your mouth.

    Now I’m going to go find some Tums in the office first aid cabinet so that I can relive my childhood.
    Thanks for that.

  8. Talia Hardy says:

    Hi Blair, ‘A hippo put on a purple coat.’ She sounds very creative. A trait often lost as we grow up and immerse ourselves in alternative bubbles. thanks for leaving a like Btw.

  9. Melissa says:

    When my girl was little she would steal dog cookies and eat them in her Barbie tent. She also, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, said, “A cat.”

  10. dianetharp70 says:

    I still love kids chewable vitamins, always coppod extra when no one was looking. && children’s Aspirin (orange flavor) are frigging yummy awesome too! I used to tell people, including strangers, that I was X rated (I had lots of x-rays at a young age)

  11. mamalisa4 says:

    It’s funny how we misunderstood things as children. As a mother I see it all the time. I sometimes forget there perception is different. They do say the funniest things too. It’s def interesting living with 4 children. Great post. I love it!

  12. The EcoFeminist says:

    That’s so awesome. Hot Pockets arrived when I was a teenager and those became the primary reason I got a Costco membership in college so I could buy them in bulk (along with Kraft mac n cheese). My mom wouldn’t buy Flintstones vitamins after the first time, as she knew I would eat all of the purple ones cuz they tasted like Smarties 🙂

  13. 2ndhalfolife says:

    We had our answering machine message for a while where my husband (at the time) where he was singing in a real campy voice “I gave my love a cherry”…and then my youngest daughter about maybe 2 or 3 years old at the time, in the background crying and yelling NOOOOO because she just knew that it wasn’t OK to do that! Plus then all of us breaking into peals of laughter. Of course the people leaving the message probably thought we were all mad! 🙂

  14. jackiblosblackis says:

    I know what its like to want to grow up to be something very non-typical of a young child. I decided by the time I was 4 that I wanted to be a dishwasher and my parents still pick on me for that one. My mom made me do the dishes every day (we always had anywhere from 5-9 people living in the house) to hopefully ‘break’ that career aspiration. I of course learned that it is hard to live of a dishwashers salary ha-ha but I still love hand washing dishes. I mean my households dishes, I won’t do other peoples dishes for them usually.

  15. carolynswriting says:

    For me it was the Cadbury Chocolate Factory in Tasmania after we visited when I was about 9 or 10 – we got to go right past the machines where the chocolate bars were being poured, even the Flake!!! I have images of melted chocolate pouring in folds into the trays. Maybe it was all just a dream? Whatever, it was all before the days of OH&S and boring old hygiene rules that now prevent your average grubby tourist being close enough to the production line to actually touch the chocolate. Hmm, probably just as well 😉

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