Remember when the hardest decision you’d have to face all day was what flavor Kool-Aid you wanted to have? It was an important choice, fueled by the fear that if you didn’t pick the right one, it wouldn’t complement the taste of your Flintstone’s vitamins. I ate those like crack when I was a kid. When my mom wasn’t looking I’d crawl onto the counter and steal an entire handful and shove them into my grubby little mouth. She caught me once, and moved them to a place where I couldn’t reach no matter how hard I tried. That was the first time I remember wishing that fire would rain down on her. How dare she do such a thing! The nerve of that woman.
Yesterday Alex and I were having a lengthy conversation about Hot Pockets. I know… wtf, right? We talk about some random shit in my house. Hot Pockets aren’t exempt. When I was a kid, I thought Hot Pockets were the best invention. I even wrote a small report on them for school about their greatness. I thought that they were packaged in something that would,quite literally, keep them hot while they were in your pocket. Great for people who wanted a snack while they were in class or people who couldn’t take a break at work. I was amazed. What a genius idea.
So, I didn’t grow up wanting to be a ballerina or a veterinarian. I grew up wanting to work for whoever made Hot Pockets. My parents wanted me to aim high. So I did.
I love the innocence of childhood. Luckily, I’m surrounded by young nieces and nephews to remind me how great life is when you’re young. Actually, I’m going to leave y’all with a joke my 4-year-old niece told me last weekend that had her rolling around in laughter.
A hippo put on a purple coat.
…….. I wish I was as funny as her.
The Shameful Sheep 
4-year-olds are the greatest. Both of mine thought saying “Applesauce BOOK!” was hysterical. And I had a friend whose 4-year-old thought “The pig fell in the mud!” was the funniest thing ever.
Haha. They really are. I love the things that they find funny. It’s amazing
My main (I thought) life altering decision when I was a kid was selecting my cereal by what toy came inside. My mom would leave me in the cereal aisle to work it out while she did the rest of the grocery shopping. Sometimes I sill hadn’t decided by the time she would come back, and she was shopping for a family of six.
Oh, that was really important back then. There were some great toys in there lol. Pretty smart mom. It’s a good way to keep kids distracted for awhile. 🙂
OMG, I So remember doing the same thing with the Flintstones! I love it!
They were so good.. mmmm 🙂
I’m 54 and I still still my mom’s gummy vites. Trues story…
Haha aw. I still take gummy vitamins too. Why swallow pills when you can enjoy the gummies? Doesn’t make sense…
My oldest used to tell jokes and after every joke he would say “get it”? Then he’d laugh his silly head off.
Haha. It’s nice he used to make sure. Hilarious
I’m not Buzz Lightyear but that’s exactly how I ended up with two daughters!
Dammit, I couldn’t resist.
Haha oh god
I know… I know.
It’s all in the delivery. And nothing is funnier than hippos or purple coats.
Right? They are pretty great. Her delivery is definitely something I aspire to reach 🙂
What on earth are ‘hot pockets?’ Now I want one but I probably couldn’t eat it, even if I had one.
I used to eat malt extract by the spoonful. My sister and I would argue over the last gloop in the jar. I still love it to this day.
Buzz Lightyear…erm, is that what I think it is, or means?
4 year olds say it as it is. When I asked my youngest son what he wanted to be when he grew up, he thought briefly for about 3 seconds and then announced, ‘a woman with a jyna.’ Excellent. If he reads this, he is going to kill me, slowly, over a hot fire with a pointed stick and throw marshmallows at me. I’ll be dead and sticky.
A hot pocket is just a frozen sandwich type thing that you can microwave haha. They are nothing terribly special 🙂 Has your son ever achieved his goals of having a jyna? Hahahah
Blair…the worst thing was when he found out that it was actually a vagina and then had a go at me for not telling him.
Hahaha
Hot Pockets were all that my kid ate when she was little, lol.
They have some good ones haha. I don’t blame her 🙂
Six year old nephew watching my calico get high on one of the catnip stuffed toys:”That cat really likes that beaver. She’s getting it all wet.” Thoughtful aunt:”Yes, everyone like a wet beaver.” Nephew:”She should marry it!”
Hahaha. I would have died of laughter. If only he knew what he was saying !
I’m sure his father will clue him in sooner than later.
Had the same kind of internal conflict growing up. Now I watch in quiet amusement as my 3 year old struggles with his decision when we only have time for one bedtime story. If only life was that “challenging” again. And now he’s entering into the bodily functions are hilarious phase (I doubt that he’ll ever grow out of it, truth be told), and the mere mention of bodily gas will cause him to fall to the floor in a fit of laughter. Kids are crazy, but awesome.
Books are a hard decision haha. I totally see where he is coming from 🙂 Bodily functions are always hilarious. What makes them better is when kids have fits of laughter and you have to try to maintain your composure. Are you successful? Haha. I would be on the floor laughing with him.
Hot Pockets are a great invention and there is nothing wrong to aspiring to such a goal as working for their company. Now are we talking factory or something schmancy… like HR?
I have no idea what I was thinking back then. I’m assuming the factory though. I doubt I knew what HR was back then, or how corporate offices worked 🙂 I had to be right there by the action and see the Hot Pocket in all its glory
Haha for me it was working at the Tillamook Cheese Factory here in Oregon. What a great business model they have, tours of cheese vats…mmm…
Oh wow. I’d love to spend my days surrounded by cheese. Mmmmm
This made me smile 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I’m glad it did!
Now, that was funny!
Thanks 🙂
Have you ever watched Jim Gaffigan’s hot pockets stand up?
No… wtf? I’m going to look it up now. Hot Pockets are awesome.
Dude…you have to see it. He even sings the hot pocket song.
Haha that’s funny. He pretty much nailed it. Then I had to watch the other clip of ‘Cake’… Hilarious.
Totally forgot how awesome Flintstones vitamins were. Those rocked.
Also, that pink amoxicillan crap that tastes like strawberry daiquiris we used to get whenever we had ear infections.
Oh yeahhhh. I know what you’re talking about. I used to love drinking that stuff. Much better than the crap for adults. That stuff tastes nasty.
Ha! My daughter was always telling me she had an earache so she could have that stuff.
Yeah, that stuff tasted great! I don’t think they are as quick to prescribe it these days, but I remember my cousins and I being happy about having ear infections, “yay, we get the pink stuff!” lol…
I think every kid ate Flintstones vitamins like candy. I don’t know why whoever manufactures those just didn’t make them into real candy… they’d have made a fortune.
Agreed. They were so good. I would even buy them now if they were made into actual candy lol
OMG, how that Buzz Lightyear picture cracks me up! Coming in peace and cumming in pies… totally the same thing, right? 😛
I know right? Haha. I love that picture. That kid is a genius.
Those vitamins were like crack!
They were so wonderfully chalky and would coat your teeth until you felt like you were actually wearing socks in your mouth.
Now I’m going to go find some Tums in the office first aid cabinet so that I can relive my childhood.
Thanks for that.
Haha. The ‘smooth’ Tums are actually pretty good! I don’t think they measure up with the vitamins though. I hope you can find some crack-craving-relief from the Tums though 😀
Hi Blair, ‘A hippo put on a purple coat.’ She sounds very creative. A trait often lost as we grow up and immerse ourselves in alternative bubbles. thanks for leaving a like Btw.
Very true. She’s a very creative little kid 🙂 I hope she stays that way!
Me too.
Your dream as a kid was to work for someone?
Yes haha. Pretty sad, right? Hmm. Now my dream is quite the opposite 🙂
When my girl was little she would steal dog cookies and eat them in her Barbie tent. She also, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, said, “A cat.”
Haha ooo. Sounds yumy. She was probably onto something about wanting to be a cat. I wouldn’t mind being my cat. They live the life. Did she walk around meowing and licking herself all the time? ha
Yes. And she painted whiskers on her face a lot. She even had a birthday party where all the guests had to come dressed as cats.
What a kickass kid. Next time I have a party I’m going to require everyone to dress up like a cat.
🙂 Here she is, all grown up. She’s not a cat but she’s still pretty kick ass. https://atailoredfit.wordpress.com/
Awesome. I followed her. I could use some fashion advice on a budget… (who can’t really?)
I still love kids chewable vitamins, always coppod extra when no one was looking. && children’s Aspirin (orange flavor) are frigging yummy awesome too! I used to tell people, including strangers, that I was X rated (I had lots of x-rays at a young age)
X rated haha. What a scary thing to say as a kid, really. Scary… but hilarious. If a kid said that to me I would be pretty surprised 🙂
1974 – 75 ish I think, so not thought of ya same as today if that makes sense?
Makes perfect sense 🙂
That joke is a classic!!
Right? haha
My husband bought my son some Flintstones vitamins last week (love they still make them!) and naturally, I had some. I’m never taking once a day pill vitamins again.
I take gummy vitamins now. I’m thinking I should switch back to the classic Flintstone’s vitamins too. I don’t blame you. They are sooo good
It’s funny how we misunderstood things as children. As a mother I see it all the time. I sometimes forget there perception is different. They do say the funniest things too. It’s def interesting living with 4 children. Great post. I love it!
Agreed. They say hilarious things every day. I don’t have kids yet, so I rely on my nieces & nephews for the comedy 🙂
That’s so awesome. Hot Pockets arrived when I was a teenager and those became the primary reason I got a Costco membership in college so I could buy them in bulk (along with Kraft mac n cheese). My mom wouldn’t buy Flintstones vitamins after the first time, as she knew I would eat all of the purple ones cuz they tasted like Smarties 🙂
I went the Kraft route in college too. It’s so easy to live off that stuff when you are young haha. Your mom was smart. But… I’m sad you missed out on your Smarties vitamins lol
We had our answering machine message for a while where my husband (at the time) where he was singing in a real campy voice “I gave my love a cherry”…and then my youngest daughter about maybe 2 or 3 years old at the time, in the background crying and yelling NOOOOO because she just knew that it wasn’t OK to do that! Plus then all of us breaking into peals of laughter. Of course the people leaving the message probably thought we were all mad! 🙂
Girl yessss. Hot pockets are AMAZING. Thats also the way I felt about the person who made Bagel Bites. Genius.
Oh yeah. Bagel Bites were a highlight of childhood for sure lol
Over consumption of Flintstones vitamins generates growth of pubic hair. Should I be calling you Sherwood?
Damnit. Everything I’ve ever wondered about life has been answered. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Sherwood. May your man be merry. I have plenty more “wisdom” where that came from.
I know what its like to want to grow up to be something very non-typical of a young child. I decided by the time I was 4 that I wanted to be a dishwasher and my parents still pick on me for that one. My mom made me do the dishes every day (we always had anywhere from 5-9 people living in the house) to hopefully ‘break’ that career aspiration. I of course learned that it is hard to live of a dishwashers salary ha-ha but I still love hand washing dishes. I mean my households dishes, I won’t do other peoples dishes for them usually.
Thats a random one! I’m sure your parents enjoyed the free labor while you were willing though lol
For me it was the Cadbury Chocolate Factory in Tasmania after we visited when I was about 9 or 10 – we got to go right past the machines where the chocolate bars were being poured, even the Flake!!! I have images of melted chocolate pouring in folds into the trays. Maybe it was all just a dream? Whatever, it was all before the days of OH&S and boring old hygiene rules that now prevent your average grubby tourist being close enough to the production line to actually touch the chocolate. Hmm, probably just as well 😉
It sure sounds like a dream, really lol. Or maybe you were visiting Willy Wonka? I love Cadbury’s chocolate, especially their Easter goodies. Mmm. I’m jealous you got to saw that lol. I’d want to jump in and swim around
Definitely some hygiene laws involved there, I’m guessing!