i don’t want your organs

I recently stumbled upon a blogger who was reviewing a local restaurant right down the road from me. It made me pretty excited, so I posted a comment and tried to connect with her. I really had no intention of meeting this person, I just wanted to tell her how much I agreed with her good review and next time she should get the Bacon & Pimento Cheeseburger because it will give her a mouthgasm. (If you don’t know what Pimento cheese is, you’re not living life.)

harleyquinn

Well… she never responded to me. I figured I might come across a bit crazy in my writing, so I thought reaching out to her in an email would clear my name and make her feel more at ease:

“Hi!

I commented on your post recently and I’m worried I came across weird and freaked you out. Don’t be scared. I didn’t want to meet up with you or anything like that. I know I come across a little crazy on my blog… but I assure you I’m more of a “I made my 8-year-old niece try a dog treat crazy” rather than a “I’m going to find your house and harvest your organs crazy.” Speaking of your house, the one on your Bio page is so cute. So is your dog. If you want to be friends, I’m just down the road.

-Blair”

 

Pretty sure I made it worse. You win some, you lose some right?

 

Lesson of the Day : If you want to make new friends off the internet, don’t mention living down the road from them and harvesting their organs in the same paragraph.

PS – I promise… I’m really not crazy! Well, not serial killer crazy at least.

 

 

(Photo Credit goes to sal0)

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246 thoughts on “i don’t want your organs

  1. wanderwolf says:

    Well, you can have my organs if you need them after I’ve died (preferably not by homicide, though).
    Also, pimento cheese, a delicious treat my Dad makes for the family every holiday season, is what helped me grow up into the strong, proud woman you know today. 🙂 It’s just the best thing ever.

  2. Tippy Gnu says:

    Your letter seemed very reassuring, to me. I’ve never understood why people act so nervous when I say things like, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you.” I mean really, why don’t people just listen?

  3. deetroutman says:

    Well, I am literally crazy. I have supposedly paranoid schizophrenia (amongst other problems). Did you know that truly crazy people commit only 5 % of violent crimes? So when you say serial killer crazy what you probably mean is serial killer evil because such warped people though not normal in what they do are not abnormal precisely in a mentally ill way. They are just evil. I am only being semi-serious because I have a feeling I know what you really mean. But then you could say that we all have fallen short of the glory of God so I am evil as well from that standpoint. I have never however put anybody in a woodchipper so I guess I belong with crazies like you. Sorry about length. Ta ta.

  4. Karina Pinella says:

    I guess when one tries too hard, it comes across as such. However, if the person has a sense of humor, it makes for a good chuckle. Since it appears you didn’t get any, then no loss for you because who wants a humorless friend anyway?

  5. Pan says:

    That’s a shame only because she might have had some history with a bad face to face with an internet invitation.. And now she’s missing out on a “seemingly” fun person..
    Wait ! What are you hiding behind your back ? Is that a knife ? !!! 😨

  6. Mike M says:

    Good point to keep in mind, I really should tone down my own organ-harvesting rhetoric. Maybe that’s why my co-workers keep giving me those strange looks. Damn. I thought it was my new deodorant.

    It’s an ultra-rare occurrence to be so close to another blogger, and it’s a shame you both couldn’t connect. But oh well, at least you were able to taste a delicious burger!

  7. mariegriffith says:

    I love a good burger and I love pimento cheese. Hmmmm……now to find a local place where I can get those combined. Not sure this small town in Alabama, or anywhere near here, offers it. Maybe the next time I’m in a place that offers both, I’ll ask them to make me one.

  8. Rachelle R.M. says:

    This makes me think of the ‘it’s awkward making new friends as an adult’ articles. I will admit, a year ago I changed jobs and I’m still considered ‘new’ in my introductions and when someone said ‘oh we should grab lunch sometime’ I nearly peed myself with excitement. I texted my best friend and said ‘SOMEONE WANTS TO EAT LUNCH WITH ME.’ When we did have lunch I had to contain my excitement of leaving the building for lunch. hahahahaha

    Your neighbor sounds stuck up.

  9. allyheynow says:

    LMAOOOOO! omg I love this. If I ever received a message like that I would want to meet you right away. I am like that too. I can come off as too friendly and some people are weirded out especially women in particular who try to make sure you are not a creepy molester posing as a woman trying to meet up and become friends. Anyways…. I get you. She missed out on meeting an awesome person. :]

  10. Sara McDaren says:

    Sometimes I plan imaginary weddings between my kids and those of bloggers I read. But I keep my plans to myself so as not to jinx anything. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to believe in jinxes. Huh. What do you know? Commenting is a journey of self-discovery.

  11. Siena Says says:

    Ha ha I love it. I have a tendency to get over excited about things and I’m super friendly so I worry about coming across as a stalker.

    I just like to tell people nice things and give them a boost. Recently I saw a woman in a bookshop. She was dressed in 1950s fashion including her hair and gloves. I wanted to go over and tell her how elegant I thought she looked. I didn’t because I thought she would think I was odd!

  12. mokitadreams says:

    I loved this. I wish I knew someone like that across the road. We could bitch about weird neighbours. If I received an email like that I might have even attempted to make brownies for the first time in my life 🙂

  13. antoninajavier says:

    Hello! I am so glad you liked my blog post and I’m so glad I decided to check out yours! Not only are you hilarious (I literally laughed out loud), but I’ll be moving to Raleigh at the end of August! What a small world! 😀

  14. WeeManMike says:

    Late to the organ harvesting party, but still…. oh man this made me PMSL….. thankfully I’d just been to the toilet otherwise I really would have, thanks for making me cry/snort/laugh!! (^_^)

  15. Uncle Steve says:

    Enjoyed your article. I’m reviewing a human organ harvesting facility just down the road from your house. If you ever want to get together, I have a Bacon & Pimento Cheese Dogburger recipe I’d like to share with you. Please bring the dog.

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