I recently stumbled upon a blogger who was reviewing a local restaurant right down the road from me. It made me pretty excited, so I posted a comment and tried to connect with her. I really had no intention of meeting this person, I just wanted to tell her how much I agreed with her good review and next time she should get the Bacon & Pimento Cheeseburger because it will give her a mouthgasm. (If you don’t know what Pimento cheese is, you’re not living life.)
Well… she never responded to me. I figured I might come across a bit crazy in my writing, so I thought reaching out to her in an email would clear my name and make her feel more at ease:
“Hi!
I commented on your post recently and I’m worried I came across weird and freaked you out. Don’t be scared. I didn’t want to meet up with you or anything like that. I know I come across a little crazy on my blog… but I assure you I’m more of a “I made my 8-year-old niece try a dog treat crazy” rather than a “I’m going to find your house and harvest your organs crazy.” Speaking of your house, the one on your Bio page is so cute. So is your dog. If you want to be friends, I’m just down the road.
-Blair”
Pretty sure I made it worse. You win some, you lose some right?
Lesson of the Day : If you want to make new friends off the internet, don’t mention living down the road from them and harvesting their organs in the same paragraph.
PS – I promise… I’m really not crazy! Well, not serial killer crazy at least.
(Photo Credit goes to sal0)
The Shameful Sheep 
The conclusion says it all!
😀
This is the best thing I have read all day! And I thought my telling you that I also live in NC would be stalkery lol!
Not stalkery at all 🙂 It’s not like you’re staring through my window or anything. Wait… are you?
Well, you can have my organs if you need them after I’ve died (preferably not by homicide, though).
Also, pimento cheese, a delicious treat my Dad makes for the family every holiday season, is what helped me grow up into the strong, proud woman you know today. 🙂 It’s just the best thing ever.
Ooo. Very kind of you 🙂 I’d love some free organs. I’ve never made pimento cheese myself. Always buy it in the store. Your dad had the right idea. Mmm
Your comment was sweet and funny. Silly girl for thinking otherwise. 😉 And pimento cheese is great.
I thought I was being nice too 🙂 I guess she took it the wrong way lol
Your letter seemed very reassuring, to me. I’ve never understood why people act so nervous when I say things like, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you.” I mean really, why don’t people just listen?
Right? Couldn’t be any more straight forward than that. Maybe honesty isn’t the best policy. We’ve been lied to all along
My favorite line used about me:
“He’s crazy. Not Son Of Sam crazy, but regular crazy”
Ex-neighbor…
That’s a compliment! Being crazy is pretty fun. As long as you aren’t hacking up some people.
Sounds like most conversations I have with people. Total creeper.
You are the creeper or people are? Haha
I live in the same state as you. Uh-oh, eh? *evil laugh*
Watch your back. I might be showing up at your house with a knife in my hand trying to make a pimento cheese sandwich for you or something. Muah ha ha
The “caviar of the South,” as I understand it. You bring the knife (those I have are either dirty or plastic) and I’ll provide the rest. I’ll even cut the cheese, so to speak. So, yes, come to Huntersville. Bring the hubby.
Maybe we will one day! Just don’t be alarmed if the knife we bring is a bit, well… large.
Hey, go big or go home, I say.
Pimento cheese burgers are literally everything to me!
Right? They are so good. The North is really missing out on some good shit.
Well, I am literally crazy. I have supposedly paranoid schizophrenia (amongst other problems). Did you know that truly crazy people commit only 5 % of violent crimes? So when you say serial killer crazy what you probably mean is serial killer evil because such warped people though not normal in what they do are not abnormal precisely in a mentally ill way. They are just evil. I am only being semi-serious because I have a feeling I know what you really mean. But then you could say that we all have fallen short of the glory of God so I am evil as well from that standpoint. I have never however put anybody in a woodchipper so I guess I belong with crazies like you. Sorry about length. Ta ta.
I didn’t know that. Serial killers are definitely evil. That’s basically what I meant. There’s a clear difference in my mind of someone that has a mental illness versus the evil of someone hacking up a person!
if her dog disappears guess who she’s gonna blame….just sayin’
That’s true… Dear god I hope that doesn’t happen. That would be freaky.
👌🏼❤️
😀
I probably would have agreed to meet you anyway. Now THAT’s crazy!
Haha. You ARE a bit crazy 🙂 All the best ones are.
I guess when one tries too hard, it comes across as such. However, if the person has a sense of humor, it makes for a good chuckle. Since it appears you didn’t get any, then no loss for you because who wants a humorless friend anyway?
Exactly. I don’t think our personalities would have meshed well in person lol. Maybe it worked out for the better 🙂
This is hilarious! 😀
😀 Thanks
🙂
Love this post – I think by saying you live next door and mentioning harvesting organs in the same sentence you absolutely take the cake of worst neighbour ever. And there I was thinking I had the worst neighbour ever – a psycho locksmith who turned up in my bed at 2am in the morning and when I dared to eject him (by phoning the police) compared me unfavourably to Saddam Hussein! This actually is not a joke it is 100% true!
Haha… what person wouldn’t call the police? That’s nuts.
The had sent that second email to me, it would have prompted me to reply, because that’s funny as hell ^.^
I think you’re just a lot cooler than that chick. Her loss.
I find your craziness rather cute 😀
Thannkss 🙂
Too funny.
That’s a shame only because she might have had some history with a bad face to face with an internet invitation.. And now she’s missing out on a “seemingly” fun person..
Wait ! What are you hiding behind your back ? Is that a knife ? !!! 😨
If there’s a knife it’s only because I’m trying to spread some pimento cheese on a sandwich for you 😀 Yes, I’m peering through your window at night while I do it… but that’s harmless, right?
😂 perfectly harmless
What a great finale!!!
Thanks 😀
This really made me laugh!
Thank you!
Good point to keep in mind, I really should tone down my own organ-harvesting rhetoric. Maybe that’s why my co-workers keep giving me those strange looks. Damn. I thought it was my new deodorant.
It’s an ultra-rare occurrence to be so close to another blogger, and it’s a shame you both couldn’t connect. But oh well, at least you were able to taste a delicious burger!
True! Yes, talking about stealing organs isn’t ever a good topic with a stranger. You live and learn I guess 🙂
I love a good burger and I love pimento cheese. Hmmmm……now to find a local place where I can get those combined. Not sure this small town in Alabama, or anywhere near here, offers it. Maybe the next time I’m in a place that offers both, I’ll ask them to make me one.
Ohh, you should 🙂 It’s a combination made in heaven lol.
This makes me think of the ‘it’s awkward making new friends as an adult’ articles. I will admit, a year ago I changed jobs and I’m still considered ‘new’ in my introductions and when someone said ‘oh we should grab lunch sometime’ I nearly peed myself with excitement. I texted my best friend and said ‘SOMEONE WANTS TO EAT LUNCH WITH ME.’ When we did have lunch I had to contain my excitement of leaving the building for lunch. hahahahaha
Your neighbor sounds stuck up.
Woo! I’ve been in situations like that.It’s a small victory when you’re finally part of the group haha.
LMAOOOOO! omg I love this. If I ever received a message like that I would want to meet you right away. I am like that too. I can come off as too friendly and some people are weirded out especially women in particular who try to make sure you are not a creepy molester posing as a woman trying to meet up and become friends. Anyways…. I get you. She missed out on meeting an awesome person. :]
Thank you 🙂 I understand being a little cautious about creepers. You should be really. It’s sad that the overly friendly awkward people like us get the shaft in that situation though haha. Ooops 🙂
Lol sounds like sound advice!
Not for nothing, but it’s usually crazy people that insist they’re not crazy. Where did you say you lived?
You’re right. But… I’m not THAT crazy 🙂 Hey.. I think we live near each other actually
Oh crap. Where can I hide. LOL.
Sometimes I plan imaginary weddings between my kids and those of bloggers I read. But I keep my plans to myself so as not to jinx anything. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to believe in jinxes. Huh. What do you know? Commenting is a journey of self-discovery.
That’s so strange. I love it. Are the kids getting married as little kids? Like a My Little Pony wedding? Or is it a wedding between your kids as adults? Equally strange. Equally fun.
Sometimes I see a blogger describe a little girl that is weird in the same adorable way that one of my boys is weird and I imagine them hooking up when they’re older. Like around 40 or so.
Aw, that’s actually really sweet lol
Ha! This is too funny! 🙂
🙂
This sounds like something I would do sigh.
Harvest some organs or be awkwardly friendly? 🙂 Kidding, kidding lol
Bahaha! Too funny! Oh well. At least you tried!
😀
I now feel like I live too close to the NC border for comfort. Must relocate. 😉 Loved this post.
Don’t be scared:D I go to bed early so it’s not me peering through your windows at night. Definitely not me.
Ha ha I love it. I have a tendency to get over excited about things and I’m super friendly so I worry about coming across as a stalker.
I just like to tell people nice things and give them a boost. Recently I saw a woman in a bookshop. She was dressed in 1950s fashion including her hair and gloves. I wanted to go over and tell her how elegant I thought she looked. I didn’t because I thought she would think I was odd!
Aw, see. In my mind that would have been a really sweet thing to say. But I can see why some people get weirded out by strangers approaching lol. At least we have the problem of being TOO friendly and not being asssholes 🙂
I loved this. I wish I knew someone like that across the road. We could bitch about weird neighbours. If I received an email like that I might have even attempted to make brownies for the first time in my life 🙂
Brownies?! Oh shit… now I wish we were neighbors too.
Hello! I am so glad you liked my blog post and I’m so glad I decided to check out yours! Not only are you hilarious (I literally laughed out loud), but I’ll be moving to Raleigh at the end of August! What a small world! 😀
That’s awesome! I love it here. Hey, if you want to get a Bacon and Pimento Cheeseburger I know a good place haha 🙂
Nice! Where can I get it? I unfortunately have never heard of Pimento cheese… Hopefully that will change before the end of the year. :p
Your blog is hilarious! 😀
Thank you 😀
Some of us are just a little socially intense. 🙂
Right? It’s hard to scale it back sometimes lol
Yea, it’s like LIKE ME LIKE ME ZOMG I LIKE YOU SO MUCH LIKE ME PLEEEEEZE LIKE ME I LIKE YOUUUUU
…where did ya go?
Haha I don’t know if I’m THAT bad. That’s pretty damn intense !
I sort of FEEL like that’s how I sound sometimes….especially if I was rejected. Ah well…. 🙂
I hear ya. I feel like that at times too. I hope I don’t actually act like that. No wonder people avoid me lol
Not crazy at all, just a normal person making normal conversation here 🙂
Exactly 😀
Late to the organ harvesting party, but still…. oh man this made me PMSL….. thankfully I’d just been to the toilet otherwise I really would have, thanks for making me cry/snort/laugh!! (^_^)
Good thing you peed first. That woulda been pretty sick. But, I can’t say I wouldn’t be flattered as all hell 😀
You should offer them a friendship bracelet! Those fix everything! 😉 Awesome post! #pimientocheeserules
I forgot about those! I’m going to start making them and giving them to people. Maybe I will come off a little less insane 🙂
Yes! Do it! Lol
Sounds exactly like something I would say LOL – Laughing for days!!!
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Hilarious post!
Thank you 🙂
I have done emails like but having my blog title does reassure people
Haha 🙂
Loved it!!!
Enjoyed your article. I’m reviewing a human organ harvesting facility just down the road from your house. If you ever want to get together, I have a Bacon & Pimento Cheese Dogburger recipe I’d like to share with you. Please bring the dog.
I’m okay with harvesting organs. But I draw the line when it comes to the animals! lol
I’m pretty sure I want to dry hump your sense of humor…and I’m just down the street. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Seriously, THAT was funny! Bacon and pimento cheese? WHY have I never heard of this???
That’s probably the best compliment I’ve ever gotten. That’s pretty damn awesome. Thank you haha.
Oh my goodness, I almost died. You’re freaking hilarious. And awkward as all hell.
LOL thank you 🙂