When I was young I convinced the other kids in my neighborhood that my dad invented farting. I had one hell of an imagination back then. I thought it was a fun game to see what absurd shit I could convince other kids of. (Kids will believe anything so, why not? Fun for everyone.) For days, every time they saw my dad they’d laugh and congratulate him on his great discovery. He had no idea what was going on so he’d just stand there and awkwardly stare at them like they were walking around with a foot growing out of their faces. The ruse went on for awhile until my sister finally told them it was impossible for someone to invent a bodily function and that I was just fucking with them. She thought it was important I remained honest. I was pissed and hated her for ruining my fun. That bitch.
My sister has always looked out for me and tried to keep me on the right path. Even going as far as smelling my armpits to make sure I really did put deodorant on when I said I did. Or being the one to teach me how to shave my legs. She is by far the most badass and influential person that I know. Even though I’m a day late for International Women’s Day, it doesn’t even matter. She’s celebrated in my mind every day.
Thanks, Moe, for smelling my armpits and telling the neighbors that we aren’t heiresses to the fortune of fart discovery.
(Random question – I’m thinking of making a new header for my site, but I’m terrible at doodling. If any of you are good at drawing and interested in doing a simple doodle for me, email me at theshamefulsheep@gmail.com if you want to work something out)
The Shameful Sheep 
Awesome memories of your badass sister. You’re lucky to have her even if she wouldn’t let you have the awesome fun of messing with gullible people, I too have the same issue I love to find a gullible person even today… My Big Bad Hubby however doesn’t find my humor well humorous.
My husband is the same lol. He doesn’t think trying to convince gullible people of things funny. Whatever! 🙂
Bless well at least I’m not alone and if your like me once you leave the room you still chuckle at how funny it is to convince the gullible that Lady Bugs do come from the planet Mars, after all that’s why we call it the red planet.
Haven’t heard that one before haha
Haha it’s because it’s an original 🙂
Isn’t it funny that when we were kids we actually thought such things, like your dad inventing farting. Your sister sounds awesome. I don’t doodle or draw, wish I could.
Kids are awesomely stupid. I can’t draw either. It’s upsetting. My stick figures even look like crap!
Oh man! Nothing says love like sniffing the armpits! 😀
Right? The perfect way to show your love. Remember that for next time. You may need that info for the future 🙂
From farting to a deep feminist statement…that turned quickly. Ha, ha! Wish I could draw!!
I’m all over the place lol. I can’t draw either. I wish!
If I could draw, I would draw you a pretty logo…or maybe a really gross one…what do you prefer?
Gross. Definitely gross 🙂
Okay, cool. I may not be able to draw it but there is a strong mental image…
I love the current sheep doodle. I would be sad if you changed it.
I want to keep the sheep but fill in stuff around him 🙂 Maybe I’ll just leave him. Hmm
I agree. The current doodle is awesome!
Thanks 🙂 I love the sheep now. I was just thinking of putting him in some sort of ‘scene’. Or drawing something around him. Nothing crazy
I like the current sheep doodle, too, It’s kinda awesome.
I’m an artist and would be tickled to tinker with it if you sent me a file copy to work with. Email me and I’ll shoot you some ideas of how to love it up a bit into a professional-looking cartoon panel.
allthoughtswork@gmail.com
Thanks! I’ll email you in a bit 🙂
Fucking with the neighbourhood kids. That is something I can truly applaud–I mess with my students a lot. I tell them I can crack my nose, or that until five years ago English didn’t have any prepositions–this is a long complicated story about how we changed English to make it more difficult and therefore more profitable. You’d be surprised at how quick they are to believe that one.
Your sister sounds like a winner to me.
Great Post. Thanks for sharing.
It’s fun messing with kids 🙂 Always amusing.
Fucking MEGA!
How would anyone dream that stuff up? Telling other kids your Dad invented that is sheer genius.
And it does sounds as though you honestly do have the best sister, especially is she was prepared to smell your pits….
Haha. It would be great if he invented farts. I would be so proud.
I’ll bet!!
Loving it and loving you in equal amounts.
I can draw, at least I think I can draw…what are you after?
I’ve just seen the post up there. A proper artist. Stick with him or her, much safer. You’d probably end up with something resembling a penis if I had anything to do with it so best play safe.
Haha that would probably be awesome though. A penis sheep. Sheenis.
It’s so early and I shouldn’t be laughing but I am.
That is just about the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Farts and armpits. Can’t get much better than that.
-N
Right? Some of the best things in life.
Just awesome! Where do you come up with this stuff?!? You’re my hero! Thanks big sis, for keeping an eye out for Blair! 😀
I was a really strange child haha. I’ve never been someone’s hero before. Yay!
Every day is Woman’s Day!! Rock on! 🙂
😀
Awesome as usual Blair. My sister sounds similar to yours, always trying to keep me on the right track. Don’t think she went as far as smelling my arm pits though 🙂
Sisters are awesome. I’m glad yours is like mine – she must be great!
Yeah, she’s pretty great, eight years older and me and a bit of a nag sometimes but I love her to bits!
I’m sure glad it wasn’t true. I’d hate it if I had to pay a royalty to your family every time I passed gas.
That would be amazing. I wonder how they’d keep track of something like that
Some sort of special meter, I’m guessing.
I was an only child for the longest time, then I was introduced to my future step-sister and step-brother. But when I was an only child, the shit I told other kids was WEIRD. And thankfully, that weirdness has basically stayed with me.
Thanks god. It would be a damn shame to grow out of weirdness.
Literally the best opening line to a post I’ve ever read.
I know! It hooked me INSTANTLY!
😀
THIS quote is epitaph worthy: “Thanks, Moe, for smelling my armpits and telling the neighbors that we aren’t heiresses to the fortune of fart discovery.”
Hilarious! You would have been a cool ass friend to grow up with, I can tell. So long as I was on your good side I bet! 😉
You nailed it. I had quite the mean side when I was young lol. I didn’t grow out of my weirdness, but thankfully I grew out of my bitchiness. 🙂 It was much better to be on my good side!
I love it! I love my sister too! G-uno
Sisters are awesome. And thank you 🙂
Reblogged this on wwwpalfitness.
sweet. I like.
🙂
My daughter would have loved to read this piece because she thinks I invented it. This must be the privilege of being a man. 🙂
And what a great privilege it is! 🙂
🙂 🙂
When I was a kid my step dad told my cousins that Andre the Giant was HIS cousin. And they believed him, for YEARS, until my step dad’s mom overheard and then he got in serious heck for lying. lol.
Haha that’s great. Kids believe anything.
I would’ve loved to see your Dad’s expression when looking at those kids. Hilarious. Can’t say my sisters ever got near my arm pits, but my brother used to hit me in the arm! Ha! Boys!
Haha boys. My brother used to give me a ‘dead arm’ all the time by punching me. It hurt! Gah
Holy crap! We have that crazy brother in common! Mine used to do it if I complained about something hurting. If I said that my toe hurt, he’d punch me in the arm and say “bet you forgot about your toe!” Ha!
Haha, brothers. Wow. I can see my brother doing that too. What punks 😀
My poor brother was stuck with 3 sisters!
That’s rough! lol
Aren’t sisters great? Great opening line. I was snorting and gaffawing. 🙂 Btw, I think you sheep I perfect. 🙂
Thanks 🙂 I think I’m just going to keep the sheep how it is. My husband did draw it. So it seems strange to change it now lol
When I was young, I had a pockmark smack dab in the middle of my forehead. I told other kids that I was born and baptized in India and part of the ritual was to implant a diamond in the forehead and that I had it removed when we came to the States. Every single kid I told believed me.
😂 awesome
That’s pretty ingenious really haha
Fab post. Wish I had a sister to sniff my arm pits X
I was about like you. I managed to convince a group of friends that I had a twin sister. The friends are are the caravan park hat I went to with my grandparents. It lasted 6 whole weeks. Still not sure how I did that! Lol not so sure I would be as brazen as to try it these days
Haha kids are dumb. They never wanted to see you guys at the same time? Did you ever pretend to be your twin? That’s great lol
Changing the header ?????????????? The sheep IS the header !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a Meme !!!!! An ICON all its own !!!!!!
The shameful sheep.. not the shameful sheep with doodles and noodles or poodles !!!!!
I humbly vote to keep the sheep.. as is..
Btw, my dad invented farting.. 😂
And my sis used to dress me up as a flower power child.. She was quite the influence.. And I was quite the bratty little sister 😋
Yeah, I think I’m just going to keep the sheep how he is. My husband DID draw it. So it means something to me! I went through a bratty phase too 😀 hey… Hormones are rough haha
Did your Dad ever find out about his great invention?
I don’t think so haha. Next time I see him I’m going to ask. I’m curious now!
Your childhood friends aren’t the only ones who will believe anything. Just look at the Trumpet’s success!
Ha!
I’ve been known to pull gags like that on others as well. There is a certain percentage of the population that stumbles through life with “gullible” written on their forehead.
It’s our duty, nay obligation, to occupy that empty space in their brain with foolish information. Nice tribute to your Sis. Every comic needs a straight man.
I agree. It’s amazing what some people will believe. Some of us have a duty to make said people look like suckers lol
We blame the dog, in our house. By the way, I like your cartoon …
Thanks 😀
Blair, she is one fine sister. Smelling your armpits and teaching you to shave. We all need sisters like this, Keith
So true 😀
Ha ha…what a great sis. I’d be so proud of my dad if he invented the fart. Unfortunately as an only child I didn’t have anyone but the cat to keep me in line. I used to work as a camp counselor when I was younger. We’d take our group of 60 kids to the pool three times a week. One day it was closed for unclear reasons and I started the rumor that a killer shark had made its way through the sewer network and somehow into this neighborhood pool. It was quite the story, especially since, like that telephone game, things get more and more exaggerated as the story spreads. And pretty soon the shark had victims, and pretty soon someone from our group was missing and everyone was sure it was that killer shark (now from outer space).
Haha that’s amazing. RIP to the poor kid who died from a shark attack from outer space. Love it
I lived across the street from a park. My friends and I were always telling outsiders (those that we have never seen before) that it was our park and they had to get out of it. And on another random note, the same friend’s dad–who drove a milk delivery truck–always told us he ran over Santa with his milk truck and Christmas wasn’t coming this year. We believed him with hesitation. We were so happy Christmas morning to find out he was full of shit. My sisters? I never smelled their armpits–I’m not a very nice sister.
Ran over Santa? I feel like that would be highly traumatizing! Poor kids haha
But Santa came every year so we caught on soon enough.
Funny. I have two daughters who are the same way. How does that happen in the same house. One exemplifies the motto “But being good is boring”. The other traipses behind to save her sister from her bad behavior.
Great duo. It helps even each other out 🙂 That’s funny.
I gotta tell ya, that silly sheep caught my eye and now I read your blog, I am a big fan of that sheep! Keep the sheep!
He will definitely stay 😀
Blair! The moment I met you I swore! And here I am offering… I’d be happy to flub a header for you… What would you like: ‘Natural Gas?’ Do you want an outline? Or just what’s inside it?
I once kept my sister from getting a tat. I didn’t however prevent her from piercing her nipples.
At least the nipples can close over. You did good. lol
I told my little one farting was how super heroes were able to fly. She now jumps when she farts. 🙂
That is amazing. And hilarious. When I have kids I’m going to steal your idea haha.
Omg you were a genius as a kid as well, I applaud you for that amazing prank 👏 😂
“As well” …. Aw. I’m flattered 😀
Yup, as well indeed ^.^
This is hilarious! Oh, the things kids do. 🙂 I love how you described your dad, wondering why in the hell he was suddenly so famous. Your sister sounds awesome…I wish I had an older sister. (I have a younger one and now I feel like I didn’t do my duty in smelling her armpits, etc.) I was more in to making star charts and having her clean my bedroom for a “prize.” 🙂 I love your writing and am excited to keep reading!
Thank you! Well, that was pretty ingenious of you. If I wasn’t the youngest – I definitely would have put any younger siblings to work lol