a nose full of armpit

When I was young I convinced the other kids in my neighborhood that my dad invented farting. I had one hell of an imagination back then. I thought it was a fun game to see what absurd shit I could convince other kids of. (Kids will believe anything so, why not? Fun for everyone.) For days, every time they saw my dad they’d laugh and congratulate him on his great discovery. He had no idea what was going on so he’d just stand there and awkwardly stare at them like they were walking around with a foot growing out of their faces. The ruse went on for awhile until my sister finally told them it was impossible for someone to invent a bodily function and that I was just fucking with them. She thought it was important I remained honest. I was pissed and hated her for ruining my fun. That bitch.

daeneryswomanMy sister has always looked out for me and tried to keep me on the right path. Even going as far as smelling my armpits to make sure I really did put deodorant on when I said I did. Or being the one to teach me how to shave my legs. She is by far the most badass and influential person that I know. Even though I’m a day late for International Women’s Day, it doesn’t even matter. She’s celebrated in my mind every day.

Thanks, Moe, for smelling my armpits and telling the neighbors that we aren’t heiresses to the fortune of fart discovery. 

(Random question – I’m thinking of making a new header for my site, but I’m terrible at doodling. If any of you are good at drawing and interested in doing a simple doodle for me, email me at theshamefulsheep@gmail.com if you want to work something out)

102 thoughts on “a nose full of armpit

  1. bigbadmomblog says:

    Awesome memories of your badass sister. You’re lucky to have her even if she wouldn’t let you have the awesome fun of messing with gullible people, I too have the same issue I love to find a gullible person even today… My Big Bad Hubby however doesn’t find my humor well humorous.

  2. Erica Herd says:

    Isn’t it funny that when we were kids we actually thought such things, like your dad inventing farting. Your sister sounds awesome. I don’t doodle or draw, wish I could.

  3. Anthony says:

    Fucking with the neighbourhood kids. That is something I can truly applaud–I mess with my students a lot. I tell them I can crack my nose, or that until five years ago English didn’t have any prepositions–this is a long complicated story about how we changed English to make it more difficult and therefore more profitable. You’d be surprised at how quick they are to believe that one.
    Your sister sounds like a winner to me.
    Great Post. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    Fucking MEGA!
    How would anyone dream that stuff up? Telling other kids your Dad invented that is sheer genius.
    And it does sounds as though you honestly do have the best sister, especially is she was prepared to smell your pits….

  5. pixieannie says:

    I’ve just seen the post up there. A proper artist. Stick with him or her, much safer. You’d probably end up with something resembling a penis if I had anything to do with it so best play safe.

  6. Miriam says:

    Awesome as usual Blair. My sister sounds similar to yours, always trying to keep me on the right track. Don’t think she went as far as smelling my arm pits though 🙂

  7. Lady Dickson says:

    I was an only child for the longest time, then I was introduced to my future step-sister and step-brother. But when I was an only child, the shit I told other kids was WEIRD. And thankfully, that weirdness has basically stayed with me.

  8. Alex says:

    THIS quote is epitaph worthy: “Thanks, Moe, for smelling my armpits and telling the neighbors that we aren’t heiresses to the fortune of fart discovery.”

    Hilarious! You would have been a cool ass friend to grow up with, I can tell. So long as I was on your good side I bet! 😉

  9. raebirdistheword says:

    When I was a kid my step dad told my cousins that Andre the Giant was HIS cousin. And they believed him, for YEARS, until my step dad’s mom overheard and then he got in serious heck for lying. lol.

  10. Jessica Adam says:

    I would’ve loved to see your Dad’s expression when looking at those kids. Hilarious. Can’t say my sisters ever got near my arm pits, but my brother used to hit me in the arm! Ha! Boys!

  11. circumstance227 says:

    When I was young, I had a pockmark smack dab in the middle of my forehead. I told other kids that I was born and baptized in India and part of the ritual was to implant a diamond in the forehead and that I had it removed when we came to the States. Every single kid I told believed me.

  12. DoRunnersPooInTheWoods says:

    Fab post. Wish I had a sister to sniff my arm pits X

    I was about like you. I managed to convince a group of friends that I had a twin sister. The friends are are the caravan park hat I went to with my grandparents. It lasted 6 whole weeks. Still not sure how I did that! Lol not so sure I would be as brazen as to try it these days

  13. Pan says:

    Changing the header ?????????????? The sheep IS the header !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a Meme !!!!! An ICON all its own !!!!!!

    The shameful sheep.. not the shameful sheep with doodles and noodles or poodles !!!!!

    I humbly vote to keep the sheep.. as is..

    Btw, my dad invented farting.. 😂

    And my sis used to dress me up as a flower power child.. She was quite the influence.. And I was quite the bratty little sister 😋

  14. rgayer55 says:

    I’ve been known to pull gags like that on others as well. There is a certain percentage of the population that stumbles through life with “gullible” written on their forehead.
    It’s our duty, nay obligation, to occupy that empty space in their brain with foolish information. Nice tribute to your Sis. Every comic needs a straight man.

  15. cremedelauren says:

    Ha ha…what a great sis. I’d be so proud of my dad if he invented the fart. Unfortunately as an only child I didn’t have anyone but the cat to keep me in line. I used to work as a camp counselor when I was younger. We’d take our group of 60 kids to the pool three times a week. One day it was closed for unclear reasons and I started the rumor that a killer shark had made its way through the sewer network and somehow into this neighborhood pool. It was quite the story, especially since, like that telephone game, things get more and more exaggerated as the story spreads. And pretty soon the shark had victims, and pretty soon someone from our group was missing and everyone was sure it was that killer shark (now from outer space).

  16. April says:

    I lived across the street from a park. My friends and I were always telling outsiders (those that we have never seen before) that it was our park and they had to get out of it. And on another random note, the same friend’s dad–who drove a milk delivery truck–always told us he ran over Santa with his milk truck and Christmas wasn’t coming this year. We believed him with hesitation. We were so happy Christmas morning to find out he was full of shit. My sisters? I never smelled their armpits–I’m not a very nice sister.

  17. Dennis Mitton says:

    Funny. I have two daughters who are the same way. How does that happen in the same house. One exemplifies the motto “But being good is boring”. The other traipses behind to save her sister from her bad behavior.

  18. spartacus2030 says:

    Blair! The moment I met you I swore! And here I am offering… I’d be happy to flub a header for you… What would you like: ‘Natural Gas?’ Do you want an outline? Or just what’s inside it?

  19. buffaloschnitzel says:

    This is hilarious! Oh, the things kids do. 🙂 I love how you described your dad, wondering why in the hell he was suddenly so famous. Your sister sounds awesome…I wish I had an older sister. (I have a younger one and now I feel like I didn’t do my duty in smelling her armpits, etc.) I was more in to making star charts and having her clean my bedroom for a “prize.” 🙂 I love your writing and am excited to keep reading!

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