Earlier today my morning breath was so bad it made my husband gag. Rather than let me go get my shit in order he took some few deep breaths and powered through. Gotta respect a person who can deal with your gross qualities even when it tastes like a rat wiped its ass with your tongue. I know, I’m ruining the picture in your mind of how glamorous my life is. This is the sad reality, folks. You better believe it. (Don’t judge – your breath in the morning isn’t minty fresh either. Who’re you trying to fool?)
I’ve been trying to look at the things in life that make me happy because it makes me a more thankful person. You know, just the small things. Like my cats loving me so much they drop a cockroach on my pillow in the middle of the night. Or, even though I repulse Alex to the point of gagging sometimes, he will still go see Zootopia and share some Skittles and a blue slushie with me. (Yes, I’m a 29-year-old child.) I’m even thankful for my niece who told me I should probably step away from said Skittles because I need some help before bathing suit season. Thanks for the brutal honesty, kid.
When life takes a shit on you and you’re wading through a rough patch, it’s nice to remember the small stuff. Even if the great things you have are cloaked in unexpected disguises. You’ll just have to look a bit harder.
The Shameful Sheep 
Well, even though Skittles are candy, they are relatively low calorie.
True, very true. It’s a good choice 🙂
I want to see Zootopia!
DO IT!
I shall. We can compare notes. I’ll be eating popcorn and water, though. Lots of popcorn. We get a huge tub and my husband lets me hold it because I can get a little possessive. He feels it safer just to let me have control of it.
Smart man! I like to be in control of the good too 🙂
Your husband is a saint or desperate for sex! That is so funny…our three cats leave us cockroach carapaces (I guess they like the juicy bit).
I think he’s a bit of both lol 🙂 Yummy roaches
I found one alive, 3 inches long, under my pillow. AAAARGH!
3 inches?! I would have peed myself. That is disturbing as all hell lol
Even our bug guy looked horrified… 🙂 I think it was a tree roach – slightly less disgusting.
my preferred snack at the movies are skittles and blue slushies, so you’ve got a keeper.
It’s a great sugary combo. Mmm
I can never seem to control my smell of breath. It’s very unattractive to be chewing gum 100% of the day.
I chew gum a lot too. I’m always paranoid about it!
Awh well, I chew gum like a camel so you might be different 🙂
Yeah, trite as it sounds, counting your blessings is such a help to mental health. You gotta be specific though, which you seem to really understand. Not I’m happy for sunrises, but I’m happy for THIS sunrise. Not I love my cats, but I love that my cats feed me cockroaches. (ew, by the way)
Exactly. Stay in the moment. It always helps!
This was just the message I needed to hear as I sit here wallowing in self-pity with my injured arm. It took me a while to come up with it, but here is a little thing I was thankful for today. I was happy that when my old dog pooped in the house this afternoon, she did it right next to the pail of water and mop I had left standing after cleaning up her morning poop. That’s pretty great, isn’t it?
Aw, that’s a good one. And very thoughtful of your dog to make it easier on you when she crapped inside. So touching 🙂 Hope your arm gets better quick!
It really is the small things. Really!:)
😀
Fuck me…there I am, lying on my bed, thinking about my tasty dinner, only a couple of hours after my tasty lunch and now I’m thinking about dog turds, rat’s asses and hairy tongues…can’t remember if you said that you had a hairy tongue, don’t think you did but maybe I’ve just got a warped mind. Perhaps someone could mention cat shit, just to finish me off before I dive into a plate of chicken thighs, drizzled in something resembling diarrhoea. Awesome as ever.
Hairy tongues?! Gross haha. I don’t think that’s possible. I hope not at least.
I’m thankful for having the balls to read your posts before food is taken. Next time, if there is a next time, just in case I fall down the toilet and end up in a Trainspotting movie, I’ll eat first. Just saying.
I’m glad to have grossed you out today 😀 I HOPE there is a next time because it’s fun for me
Jim jams…let me serve you up a plate of holy shit.
I had to Google ‘Jim jams’ … Pretty awesome word. I’ll have to had it into my vocabulary lol
I’ve been using that word since I was about knee high to a grasshopper. Thought you knew what I was talking about.
Skittles are the best – well, them and Vienna Finger cookies. I quit buying them both because I can’t stay out of them! Another fun, humorous post 🙂
Thanks 😀 Oh man, I forgot about those cookies. Mmmmm.
Uh-oh 😉
Haha hilarious. 🙂 Life is awesome isn’t it?
It is indeed 🙂
That’s what good husbands do. We power through that shit. You have a good man. 😉
It’s to be admired for sure!
Out of the mouths of babes! Won’t stop me from devouring Twizzlers and Sour Patch Kids though!
Exactly. (I say as I’m killing some Cadbury Mini Eggs)
Talk about unconditional love. You’re a lucky woman!
I am 🙂 Thank you!
I go for the 3 pound Hersey bar and a 60 oz mountain dew! Talk about wound up!
That’s INTENSE haha. Way to go for it.
Fat ass truck driver!
Ooooooh, skittles…… They’re like fruit, though, so it’s healthy-ish, right? 😀
Good point 🙂 Kinda like Starbursts too. Yum
Look here now, the only way I make it through the horrors of summer’s heat is by drinking a ton of blue slushies! Blue slushies are for adults who need to be sober, but numb! 😉
I’ll pass on the Skittles, but I do enjoy the occasional gummie bear.
Right? You are never too old for a blue slushie. Never.
The theater I went to the other day had two flavors of slushie: the standard blue and Strawberry Shortcake. Curious, I tried to order the latter and the woman behind the counter shook her head.
“You don’t want that,” she said. “Nobody wants that. It tastes like your childhood ending.”
I felt like she might have been exaggerating a little, but still I heeded her warning and walked away drink-less. I’ve never had a movie theater refuse my $8 like that before. Still, I’m resolved to try it next time I go back. I’m just too curious now, consequences be damned.
Okay, that would drive me insane. Her saying it was THAT bad would make me want it even more. How could a slushie be so horrible? I need to know how this thing tastes haha.
Yeah, see, I have to go back. It’s like when your parents tell you not to touch the hot stove. You know you’re going to go right over there and slap your hand on the thing.
Exactly lol
Awwww good hubby, such valor should be rewarded… buy him some skittles.
Right? Skittles are his favorite. He deserves em lol
Sure, who wouldn’t love candy that grows on a tree that grows out of some kids gut. Bwah ha ha
I’m infamous for my rancid farts which I’m sure are worse than your bad breath. I can barely stand them, I have no idea how my wife puts up with it.
Ah, rancid farts. I sure hope that’s worse than my breath in the morning. Bless your poor wife haha
Sorry if you’re wading through a rough patch. I keep pets around me because I’m forever wading through rough patches….It’s my life’s work! As one of my dear friends would say: the know me AND love me. 🙂
Your friend nailed it 🙂 Pets are awesome.
I often tell my husband his breath smells like T-Rex took a shit his mouth and it’s like he’s proud of it or something.
Strange! I get being proud of farts. But breath? I’m stumped lol
Who would say no to zootopia?! Lol. The sheep, now that is another story ha ha ha
Right? Haha
I like to take those things that you like to be optimistic about and make them bitter. Like Skittles are so tasty, but one of S’s were backwards and I just couldn’t take it.
That’s quite a predicament really. I don’t know how I’d feel about a backwards S either. That’s just wrong.
Especially when you can’t really tell if the S is backward.
Once I was exposed to the obnoxious fumes of a grey mouses fart! I was scratching the walls trying to hold my breath. And some kind gentleman said: ‘Take deep breaths, it will go away faster!’ What a nice guy! For bad breath, I eat Kleenex. It’s soft, downy freshness is alluring!
I’m curious what a mouses fart would smell like. Cheesy? Hmm….
It smells like moldy socks!
Sick lol
funny except for the niece telling you to worry about how you will look in a swimsuit, no one should ever be thinking that their weight should keep them out of a swimsuit especially a kid! (sorry i’m just in a pissed-off-mode about all these ‘get your bod swimsuit ready!’ as if somehow my round belly is shameful and only skinny folks should get to be comfortable at the beach)
I agree 100%. A body is a body and all should be celebrated.
I crave a blue slushy now.
Mmmm. You should get one 🙂
Never get between a woman and her Skittles….
Right?! 😀
Hi-five to your husband! That’s real love. Forget flowers and chocolates, I’d much rather a guy who loves me warts and all.
Exactly. It’s so much better that way 🙂
I kept thinking about this scenario as I couldn’t sleep last night. I go up and brushed my teeth at 1 am – that is your fault, Blair. The solution is this – I advocate spoon sex then nobody can smell each other’s breath and you still had some fun. 🙂
Haha. I like that you woke up at 1 am thinking of me. So sweet 😀 Sex from behind is always the answer lol
For so many reasons… 🙂
A rat wiping its ass with your tongue…how do you come up with those words? You’ve painted a picture that simply will not vanish from my mind. Well done…I guess;)
I’m slightly crazy so I tend to come up with weird things haha
I bet you’re fun on a car ride in the winter.
😀 of course!
Blue is the best flavor. Delicious and brings out my inner Gargamel. 🙂
Same! Damn that Gargamel. Always ruining things. (He’s the guy from the Smurfs right? I hope so. Or I’m going to look really dumb)
Haha yes he had all the Smurf recipes….my dad liked watching the Smurfs; I didn’t. So #teamgargamel #bluefooddiet
Blair, my wife and I look at each other when in the movies, the couple wakes up the next morning and begins passionately kissing. That would require a quick rinse out in our world. By the way, my college age daughter loved Zootopia. Enjoy the Skittles and Blue Slushy. You can even hold hands. Keith
Aw. We hold hands all the time haha. A true junior high style couple over here 😉
Nothing junior high about it at all. I love when I see even older couples holding hands. Warms the heart.
I admit it… My happiest thing ever? A bunch of bubblewrap taped to the floor!
Damn. I’ve never taped it to the floor before. I can only imagine how much joy that’d bring haha
Tons of fun! Put some down for you and your hubby, have a glass of wine, and dance!
Sometimes it could be that the rough patches are put there JUST so we stop and notice the small stuff . . . . the GOOD but small stuff! 🙂
Exactly 🙂
Thanks for sharing … I think! :&
You’re quite welcome 😉
… that emoticon didn’t work, how about :@ ?
… :O
… I’ll get my coat!
We’ve got some first-world problems over here! Rogue emojis lol
🙂 Hey, all I can do is grin … like being stuck on stupid!
It is the little things that keep us going. My cats like to bring in lizards and torture them before leaving their dead carcasses for me to find.
Aw, how sweet of them lol. I always feel had during the torture. My cats do it to bugs. I feel like I should stop it lol
I don’t mind if they pick on the bugs, bu the lizards are a different story.
I thought Jeff’s favourite position was the spooning one for morning sex – after reading this I think it’s a necessity for him 😁
It all makes sense now haha 😀
Oh now have you smelled my morning breath? It’s roses NOT!! My honey is willing to power through too and we have been married for 25 years, so I’d say you have a keeper! Keep being a kid always and I speak as a 58 year old kid who has nothing but fun!! Oh and I am off to brush my teeth thanks for the reminder…
You are quite welcome! I hope I turn out like you, then! A 58 year old kid who is married for 25 years. Sounds perfect lol
Be true to yourself and all will work out!
EWWW! Like my cats loving me so much they drop a cockroach on my pillow in the middle of the night. – I spit out my coffee. Happy Monday!
Aw, wasting coffee is a terrible thing 🙂 happy Monday!
Every cloud and all that…..
Exactly. (I actually don’t know what that means. Another Brit phrase I assume?! lol)
It is. It means that something good comes from everything bad. Every cloud (bad) has a silver lining (good) Simples!