I go to the post office multiple times a week, so lately I’ve been trying to befriend the women who work there. It’s proven to be difficult because, let’s face it, most government employees have the personality of a sullen teenager who’s mastered the art of sighing and being an asshole at the same time. Good job, guys! Way to set the bar high.
Since I see the same few women every time I go, I try to be as friendly as possible even though it’s normally met with restraint. Today I crafted a plan to get on their good side. I was going to bring them what all adults want in their mouths – lollipops. What person doesn’t like lollipops, right? They would love me after this. Pure genius.
Post Office Lady: How are you today? Anything liquid, fragile, perish—-
Me: I brought you lollipops! The good ones… with the gum in the middle.
Lady: Oh, uh, thanks? I guess? That was….thoughtful of you.
Me: You’re welcome. I’m here all the time so I thought it would be a step in the direction of a new friendship between us.
Lady: Sure. Anything in the box liquid, fragile, perishable or explosive?
Me: Nope. Unless cocaine is perishable haha. I’m just kidding. Seriously, that was a bad joke. It’s not cocaine.
Lady: ……
Me: It’s just weed. Gotcha! *slaps knee* I’m here all night, folks.
Lady: I’m going to need you to wait here…
Lesson Of The Day – There is such a thing as ‘too much, too soon.’ Don’t force awkward jokes with strangers when you have nothing else to talk about. And… drugs are not a good topic to bring up, especially when you are standing in the middle of a government building.
‘Word Vomit’ … it’s a real thing, guys!
The Shameful Sheep 
I would have loved to be in your neighborhood. We could be friends. 😀
Definitely 🙂
some people have no sense of humour!
Right? Ugh
I was laughing at the jokes; too bad her handbook on humor seemed to be lost…she should fill out the proper triplicate form in order for a replacement to be requisitioned. Damn, it’s not like you said you had a bomb or anything.
On a commiserating point, most of my encounters with strangers and/or retail workers have a tendency to go that route…probably why I try to avoid interactions with people whenever possible.
I really should just do the same and not talk lol.
Oh my God, I’m not the only one? YES!
Misery loves company 🙂
Speaking as a sullen government employee, I sort of have to side with the post office lady here. Sorry Blair.
You don’t, by any chance, joke about hijacking in the airport security line, do you?
Aw. No, I don’t. I’m not crazy!
Aw, gave her something to talk about at the post office workers support group …
Haha true
Good one. Not sure if you really said this but don’t ever tell the person interviewing you for a job that the way you usually resolve conflicts is to slap someone. I did this, totally trying to lighten the mood and laughing when I said it and the woman just glared at me. I was so glad when they didn’t hire me. I knew I could not work for anyone with no sense of humor, no matter how inappropriate.
Oh wow, I wouldn’t have wanted to work for her either. She sounds terrible lol
Side note, do you watch Baskets with Zack Gana-whatever it is?
No! I think he is hilarious though. I’ll have to search for it
You’ll die!!!
LOL..I guess government employees are the same everywhere. ∩(︶▽︶)∩
😀
OMG! Yep, I would have thought you very strange. Did she at least smile?
She did smile. In a “aw she’s so pathetic” way haha
A postal worker with no sense of humor. Are they taught to be this way in training?
I have a feeling they are. Or it’s a requirement before hiring lol
Love some government employees!
They’re a hoot for sure
I’ve never understood why people laugh at things on TV and in movies but when I say those things, I’m inappropriate, offensive, etc. It makes me sad.
Right?! I totally agree. I’ve never even thought about that before but you’re so right. I wonder why there’s such a difference.
Silly 🙂 Did I ever tell you about the day I left the post office with 2 pairs of sunglasses? One on my head (mine), and the other on my face (not mine).Or about the laughter from then up-till-then bored post office people that followed me as I exited? Or the surprised look on the another guy’s face as he saw his glasses walking out the door? Just call me Four Eyes.
Haha awesome 😀
it was as bad as my syntax which I just re-read now. Tired and sleepy on both occasions 🙂
Oops. Kind of the same as talking about bombs in an airport…..
That is the exact kind of joking that always gets me in trouble too 🙂
Just a gentle suggestion, try not to word vomit at any airport in TX unless you love the color orange and girls… 🙂
Oh… That’s scary! No thanks haha
Awww. We have great (not the fastest), but really nice people – ok, PERSON – no, there are at least two . . . people in our post office. And our carrier is great, too.
Good luck. Keep trying . . . without the jokes, though!
I will 🙂 I wish we had the same post office ! Lol
Brilliant! Ah well, at least you didn’t use those jokes at airport security. I made a joke about having explosives and a hand gun in my bag at Atlanta airport once, Not a wise move when you’re clearly a Muslim in a headscarf in a post 9/11 world…I was sent off to be searched.
Oh man. That wasn’t a good choice haha. Hopefully there wasn’t a cavity search involved. Eek!
It really wasn’t. And thankfully no cavity search haha! I just got fondled by a pretty, but tad rough security officer (female, obvs).
When I type LOL, it’s because I actually laugh out loud at something. For this post, I’m still LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! But just curious….why do you need to be friends with the ladies at the post office? Are there perks I’m unaware of? Do tell!
There aren’t any perks 😦 I just tried to befriend them because I saw them all the time. I have some strange social anxiety. I get uncomfortable haha. It’s hard to explain!
That’s probably akin to joking about bombs while going through airport security. Maybe you should bring chocolate… the good kind… next time 🙂
Gonna have to spring for the Godiva next time around 😀 haha