Saturday morning my niece thought it would be hilarious to pants me at our family brunch in the middle of talking to my father-in-law. Yep, there I was… standing, minding my own business and talking about how easy it was to make sloppy joes… and down came the pants. I wasn’t sure if I should be more embarrassed by the fact I hadn’t shaved above the knee in a few days, or that my underwear had cat whiskers on it. Either way – mortifying. You’re welcome for the show, Dad. Me-ow.
For some reason my nieces and nephews don’t look at me like I’m a 30-year-old adult, but rather a very large child. Which means any time they are around I’m usually limping around the house pretending to be a purple giraffe that got it’s leg run over by a rogue safari Jeep or something along those lines. It’s better than wine and cheese, really. It’s fun. It’s crazy. It’s a goddamn blessing. It saves me from a lot of awkwardly boring small talk. (Social anxiety’s mortal enemy.) Who the hell wants to spend family time talking about politics and car issues anyway? I’m good on that, thanks.
Pro-tip to my fellow adult-sized children: wear a belt. Nobody want’s to see your kitty’s whiskers.
Hope y’all have a good weekend and are successful in keeping your pants on. Unless, well, you know…
(PS- Sorry if you got the ‘new post’email twice. I posted it on accident yesterday when I wanted to post it today. Forgive me! I hate when people repost their same blogs over and over just to get more views, so I feel ya. It won’t happen again, folks)
72 thoughts on “pro tip: keep your pants on”
I get it – in any large group I would MUCH rather hang out with the children than the adults. I would not care to be pantsed, however.
Exactly. Kids are always more fun
One goal of growing up should be to NEVER lose our inner child…well, there are exceptions, but I mean overall.
I agree 😀
Either you’ve got very slack elastic in your pants or your bum (butt) is smaller than your waist.
OK, maybe we’ve got cross-cultural misunderstanding here.
But, when a woman’s pants come down, what red-blooded male is going to say, “Ooooh, you haven’t shaved above the knee within a few days?”
Slack in my pants. I’ve lost weight recently and have been putting off buying new ones lol. You’re probably right about the male mind! I doubt they notice. My husband never does and, well, yeah.
I’m with you. I’d rather play with kids than make small talk with adults. But as I grow older, I can’t handle the rough-housing as well as I used to, so now I keep more company with the grown-ups. Enjoy your youth. Perhaps one day you’ll be wishing like hell someone would pants you.
Wishing for some pantsing. Hmm… that would be an interesting turn lol
Woo! I’m going to take this as a warning, haha. My niece will soon be old enough to do that… I may be in trouble.
Stock up on the belts now 🙂
I was perusing a blog for writers recently and it wanted to know if I’m a “planner” or a “pantser.” I thought I was a planner, now I know that for sure. Thanks for clearing that up. 🙂
Glad to be of service to you 😀
Hahaha, I feel your pain! Ever thought of keeping baby photos of the child in question for retribution when they’re older? Play the long game…
Smart and calculating 🙂 I don’t have the pictures… but I’ve got plenty of embarrassing stories stashed away in the memory vault!
I bet everywhere you go kids are attracted to you. They sense that child quality in adults and flock.
Jeans and or a belt do solve for this dilemma. Better tho that you keep your inner kid close, for as long as you can. That’s what I do–I’m the silly mommy.
You’re right. Silly mommy sounds a lot more fun!
Blair, you are likely known as the fun Aunt. I got tickled with your rationale, as I would sometimes play games with the kids to avoid confrontational politics. I did not have the shaved leg hair risk, though. My risk was stepping on a Lego in bare feet. Keith
Okay, those Legos HURT. I feel your pain. 🙂
It could always be worse. You could have been going commando AND not shaved above the knees for a few days! Always look at the bright side of life!
True! Good way to look at it. That would have been *terrible*. I cringe just thinking about it.
You must be a fabulous aunt. 🙂
I try at least! 🙂
You sound like a fun aunt.
you got PANTSED? You must be the favorite aunt. 🙂
I try! 🙂
Yes! Kids are so much more fun to hang with – no head games, no digging up old dirt, and if they are getting competitive with you, it’s a real competition, like who can eat the most donuts the fastest!
Now that’s a competition I’d love to be a part of lol
This incident would be a fine excuse to give those kids massive wedgies.
True. I’ll remember that!
You’re both the pantagonist and auntagonist of this story. Good tip for the day–wear a belt or use the belt maybe? Nah, okay, too rough.
Damn! That’s pretty rough lol.
Just all in good fun– would never hurt those kiddos, although perhaps a good scare from a surprise ghost might make them think twice of pantsing their (ghostly) aunt again.
It’s always fun scaring kids. I totally get it haha
I’m going to use my latest abbreviation which YOU taught me: lmao! (The first time you used it in a comment to me, I thought it meant “leave me alone, ok?”) That’s why I didn’t reply.
As for the father-in-law situation – at least you didn’t get a yeast infection and have no health insurance and then have to go to your father-in-law (who was a gynecologist) to be treated. Yep – that happened to me once.
You thought I was telling you to leave me alone? Haha. That’d be very dramatic of me! How long until you realized what it meant? I’m curious! That sounds painfully embarrassing too. Eek
I’ll withhold any jokes about the “kitty whiskers”! Hahhahahahaha!
I am also still a “kid” at nearly 32 and that’s totally fine with me! The adults talk about taxes and politics, I play apples to apples or Wii. 😊
Oh, I’m always up for the wii. It never gets old! Politics… Blah
Apples to apples rocks.
100% agree. I love games
58 and still a kid, and lucky that I get to work with them, too. I’ve gotten pretty good at holding onto my pants! Thanks for the good advice and funny story, too.
I need to work on my pants holding skills 🙂
It takes practice and agility
It is a blessing!
Totally agree 🙂
Yup! I’m a fellow large child. Why talk serious shit with adults, when you could be off filling Aunt Susan’s purse with grapes? Duh.
Right? That sounds fun… I’ll make sure we have some grapes on hand for our next brunch lol
Say! This gives me a blogging idea! I have downed pants too ya know! We’re so much alike… One time I walked into a beer store in my underwear, because I was in such a hurry to get more beer. It’s OK… They had cute little pictures of pot plants on them, so everyone acted as though it was all cool; made me feel right at home 😦
So much alike yet so different 😀 I can’t say I’d ever choose to walk into a store in my undies for beer hahaha. That’s funny though. I hope it actually happened!
I give you my word as a thief and a liar, this account is the absolute truth! I’d swear on a stack of phoney Bibles! LOL! Yes! It actually happened…
Leave the adults gassing and go and play loopy games with the kids … works for me every time!
Oh my 🙂
How wonderful your kin are 😉
I wear a belt all the time but must confess, it doesn’t tend to help keep anything up nowadays unless its so tight I can’t circulate blood and then small talk doesn’t really matter…. 😉
I hate belts. I have the same issue as you. For them to work I have to make them so tight my stomach aches when sitting down. It sucks! Gah.
Ha Ha Ha!! But they are a necessary evil, we need to wear lest we be prey for our young joker families….
This might be a good time to start the conversation about building a culture of consent?
Oh, I agree. Her mother wasn’t happy with her and had that exact conversation 🙂
Very funny! I can relate too… my 8 year old niece actually asked me if I was an adult (I’m well over 30…). So, yeah. 🙂
That’s amazing haha
Note to self: If unable to find belt, wear the spongebob boxers you accidentally bought… *thought they were fancy shorts until I saw the pocket-that-isn’t-a-pocket on the front…* I’d like me some comfortable coverage the day any de-pantsing occurs~
Haha you thought you were buying fancy spongebob shorts. That’s… amazing. 😀
Yeah – that’s kinda embarrassing…. I do wear my top inside a lot. Not the same… I know…
You know what saves me from awkward small talk? Keeping my pants on haha 😦
Yeah, that usually helps quite a bit 😀 haha