pro tip: keep your pants on

Saturday morning my niece thought it would be hilarious to pants me at our family brunch in the middle of talking to my father-in-law. Yep, there I was… standing, minding my own business and talking about how easy it was to make sloppy joes… and down came the pants. I wasn’t sure if I should be more embarrassed by the fact I hadn’t shaved above the knee in a few days, or that my underwear had cat whiskers on it. Either way – mortifying. You’re welcome for the show, Dad. Me-ow.

For some reason my nieces and nephews don’t look at me like I’m a 30-year-old adult, but rather a very large child. Which means any time they are around I’m usually limping around the house pretending to be a purple giraffe that got it’s leg run over by a rogue safari Jeep or something along those lines. It’s better than wine and cheese, really. It’s fun. It’s crazy. It’s a goddamn blessing. It saves me from a lot of awkwardly boring small talk. (Social anxiety’s mortal enemy.) Who the hell wants to spend family time talking about politics and car issues anyway? I’m good on that, thanks.


Pro-tip to my fellow adult-sized children: wear a belt. Nobody want’s to see your kitty’s whiskers.

Hope y’all have a good weekend and are successful in keeping your pants on. Unless, well, you know

(PS- Sorry if you got the ‘new post’email twice. I posted it on accident yesterday when I wanted to post it today. Forgive me! I hate when people repost their same blogs over and over just to get more views, so I feel ya. It won’t happen again, folks)


72 thoughts on “pro tip: keep your pants on

  1. toutparmoi says:

    Either you’ve got very slack elastic in your pants or your bum (butt) is smaller than your waist.

    OK, maybe we’ve got cross-cultural misunderstanding here.

    But, when a woman’s pants come down, what red-blooded male is going to say, “Ooooh, you haven’t shaved above the knee within a few days?”

  2. Tippy Gnu says:

    I’m with you. I’d rather play with kids than make small talk with adults. But as I grow older, I can’t handle the rough-housing as well as I used to, so now I keep more company with the grown-ups. Enjoy your youth. Perhaps one day you’ll be wishing like hell someone would pants you.

  3. TerriEloise says:

    Woo! I’m going to take this as a warning, haha. My niece will soon be old enough to do that… I may be in trouble.

  4. Just Joan says:

    I was perusing a blog for writers recently and it wanted to know if I’m a “planner” or a “pantser.” I thought I was a planner, now I know that for sure. Thanks for clearing that up. 🙂

  5. samanthamurdochblog says:

    Hahaha, I feel your pain! Ever thought of keeping baby photos of the child in question for retribution when they’re older? Play the long game…

  6. Keith says:

    Blair, you are likely known as the fun Aunt. I got tickled with your rationale, as I would sometimes play games with the kids to avoid confrontational politics. I did not have the shaved leg hair risk, though. My risk was stepping on a Lego in bare feet. Keith

  7. Susan says:

    Yes! Kids are so much more fun to hang with – no head games, no digging up old dirt, and if they are getting competitive with you, it’s a real competition, like who can eat the most donuts the fastest!

  8. circumstance227 says:

    I’m going to use my latest abbreviation which YOU taught me: lmao! (The first time you used it in a comment to me, I thought it meant “leave me alone, ok?”) That’s why I didn’t reply.
    As for the father-in-law situation – at least you didn’t get a yeast infection and have no health insurance and then have to go to your father-in-law (who was a gynecologist) to be treated. Yep – that happened to me once.

  9. laraann23 says:

    I am also still a “kid” at nearly 32 and that’s totally fine with me! The adults talk about taxes and politics, I play apples to apples or Wii. 😊

  10. susanbruck says:

    58 and still a kid, and lucky that I get to work with them, too. I’ve gotten pretty good at holding onto my pants! Thanks for the good advice and funny story, too.

  11. Midwestern Plant Girl says:

    Yup! I’m a fellow large child. Why talk serious shit with adults, when you could be off filling Aunt Susan’s purse with grapes? Duh.

  12. spartacus2030 says:

    Say! This gives me a blogging idea! I have downed pants too ya know! We’re so much alike… One time I walked into a beer store in my underwear, because I was in such a hurry to get more beer. It’s OK… They had cute little pictures of pot plants on them, so everyone acted as though it was all cool; made me feel right at home 😦

      • spartacus2030 says:

        I give you my word as a thief and a liar, this account is the absolute truth! I’d swear on a stack of phoney Bibles! LOL! Yes! It actually happened…

  13. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    Oh my 🙂
    How wonderful your kin are 😉
    I wear a belt all the time but must confess, it doesn’t tend to help keep anything up nowadays unless its so tight I can’t circulate blood and then small talk doesn’t really matter…. 😉

  14. xoxjenn says:

    Note to self: If unable to find belt, wear the spongebob boxers you accidentally bought… *thought they were fancy shorts until I saw the pocket-that-isn’t-a-pocket on the front…* I’d like me some comfortable coverage the day any de-pantsing occurs~

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