pro tip: keep your pants on

Saturday morning my niece thought it would be hilarious to pants me at our family brunch in the middle of talking to my father-in-law. Yep, there I was… standing, minding my own business and talking about how easy it was to make sloppy joes… and down came the pants. I wasn’t sure if I should be more embarrassed by the fact I hadn’t shaved above the knee in a few days, or that my underwear had cat whiskers on it. Either way – mortifying. You’re welcome for the show, Dad. Me-ow.

For some reason my nieces and nephews don’t look at me like I’m a 30-year-old adult, but rather a very large child. Which means any time they are around I’m usually limping around the house pretending to be a purple giraffe that got it’s leg run over by a rogue safari Jeep or something along those lines. It’s better than wine and cheese, really. It’s fun. It’s crazy. It’s a goddamn blessing. It saves me from a lot of awkwardly boring small talk. (Social anxiety’s mortal enemy.) Who the hell wants to spend family time talking about politics and car issues anyway? I’m good on that, thanks.

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Pro-tip to my fellow adult-sized children: wear a belt. Nobody want’s to see your kitty’s whiskers.

Hope y’all have a good weekend and are successful in keeping your pants on. Unless, well, you know

(PS- Sorry if you got the ‘new post’email twice. I posted it on accident yesterday when I wanted to post it today. Forgive me! I hate when people repost their same blogs over and over just to get more views, so I feel ya. It won’t happen again, folks)

 

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72 thoughts on “pro tip: keep your pants on

  1. toutparmoi says:

    Either you’ve got very slack elastic in your pants or your bum (butt) is smaller than your waist.

    OK, maybe we’ve got cross-cultural misunderstanding here.

    But, when a woman’s pants come down, what red-blooded male is going to say, “Ooooh, you haven’t shaved above the knee within a few days?”

  2. Tippy Gnu says:

    I’m with you. I’d rather play with kids than make small talk with adults. But as I grow older, I can’t handle the rough-housing as well as I used to, so now I keep more company with the grown-ups. Enjoy your youth. Perhaps one day you’ll be wishing like hell someone would pants you.

  3. TerriEloise says:

    Woo! I’m going to take this as a warning, haha. My niece will soon be old enough to do that… I may be in trouble.

  4. Just Joan says:

    I was perusing a blog for writers recently and it wanted to know if I’m a “planner” or a “pantser.” I thought I was a planner, now I know that for sure. Thanks for clearing that up. 🙂

  5. Keith says:

    Blair, you are likely known as the fun Aunt. I got tickled with your rationale, as I would sometimes play games with the kids to avoid confrontational politics. I did not have the shaved leg hair risk, though. My risk was stepping on a Lego in bare feet. Keith

  6. Susan says:

    Yes! Kids are so much more fun to hang with – no head games, no digging up old dirt, and if they are getting competitive with you, it’s a real competition, like who can eat the most donuts the fastest!

  7. circumstance227 says:

    I’m going to use my latest abbreviation which YOU taught me: lmao! (The first time you used it in a comment to me, I thought it meant “leave me alone, ok?”) That’s why I didn’t reply.
    As for the father-in-law situation – at least you didn’t get a yeast infection and have no health insurance and then have to go to your father-in-law (who was a gynecologist) to be treated. Yep – that happened to me once.

  8. laraann23 says:

    I am also still a “kid” at nearly 32 and that’s totally fine with me! The adults talk about taxes and politics, I play apples to apples or Wii. 😊

  9. susanbruck says:

    58 and still a kid, and lucky that I get to work with them, too. I’ve gotten pretty good at holding onto my pants! Thanks for the good advice and funny story, too.

  10. spartacus2030 says:

    Say! This gives me a blogging idea! I have downed pants too ya know! We’re so much alike… One time I walked into a beer store in my underwear, because I was in such a hurry to get more beer. It’s OK… They had cute little pictures of pot plants on them, so everyone acted as though it was all cool; made me feel right at home 😦

  11. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    Oh my 🙂
    How wonderful your kin are 😉
    I wear a belt all the time but must confess, it doesn’t tend to help keep anything up nowadays unless its so tight I can’t circulate blood and then small talk doesn’t really matter…. 😉

  12. xoxjenn says:

    Note to self: If unable to find belt, wear the spongebob boxers you accidentally bought… *thought they were fancy shorts until I saw the pocket-that-isn’t-a-pocket on the front…* I’d like me some comfortable coverage the day any de-pantsing occurs~

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