welcome, pervs

Every once in awhile I get deeply concerned about people and what the hell they are thinking. Not specific people… just people as a whole. Seriously, what are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do we need to have a talk? Frankly, a lot of you creep me out on a whole different level and make me want to run away to a deserted island with nothing but nachos and a pool filled with raspberry margaritas.Can it get any better than that? I highly doubt it. 

wtfman

It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at my search results, and it was instant regret once I did. So, naturally, I’m going to share them with you so you can be disturbed along with me. Misery loves company, right? (Fair warning: there are some strange people out there. Proceed with caution)

“i love shameful teens” 
“elizabeth thatcher shows her pussy from when calls the heart”
“what does sheep pussy look like?”
“why do cats screech during sex?”
“you’re a bunglecunt”
“my sister was born in lame city”

When did this turn into a porn site? Have I ever talked about anything sex-related? WHAT IS GOING ON? Am I missing something? I’m scared.

What’s the strangest search term you’ve ever had? I can’t be the only one that gets such absurd things. I hope. 

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155 thoughts on “welcome, pervs

  1. carolineturriff says:

    I love your weird search terms (you did another hilarious piece about this before) and no you never talk about sex in your blog so God knows why these crop up. I do talk about sex in my blog so I suppose X rated search terms are to be expected. I haven’t had any in the past few days but I’ve had multiple searches looking for sudan whores wiggle their asses in hotpants or jamaica teenage cocaine whore. But I just have to take this on the chin as some of my titles have been pretty salacious!

  2. snakesinthegrass2014 says:

    I definitely can relate. I never knew so many people had weird thoughts about snakes. One of my highest site hits is for one of my lamest posts called “Middle Age Peep Show.” I should have thought one through a bit before I named it. There are apparently lots of pervs interested in middle age sex. And so it goes.

  3. davekingsbury says:

    A big part of it, I reckon, is that people have trouble with the language. Reasons include that they’re foreign, uneducated, stupid, inarticulate, stoned, showing-off, conflicted, asleep, bored, immature, senile and mad. Two or more and they should be fitted with chips that disable computers …

  4. hazelhillboro says:

    Sometimes I think the Google people sit around and search the most random crap possible just to make people think, “WTF!?!?” And it works. Good job, Google.

    (Let me believe this so I’m not constantly looking around and suspecting everyone of being weirdo pervs)

  5. Candace says:

    Haha, I’ve never had such colorful ones that I’ve noticed but I know enough weirdos in real life that I don’t need to be attracting them here, too.

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