welcome, pervs

Every once in awhile I get deeply concerned about people and what the hell they are thinking. Not specific people… just people as a whole. Seriously, what are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do we need to have a talk? Frankly, a lot of you creep me out on a whole different level and make me want to run away to a deserted island with nothing but nachos and a pool filled with raspberry margaritas.Can it get any better than that? I highly doubt it. 


It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at my search results, and it was instant regret once I did. So, naturally, I’m going to share them with you so you can be disturbed along with me. Misery loves company, right? (Fair warning: there are some strange people out there. Proceed with caution)

“i love shameful teens” 
“elizabeth thatcher shows her pussy from when calls the heart”
“what does sheep pussy look like?”
“why do cats screech during sex?”
“you’re a bunglecunt”
“my sister was born in lame city”

When did this turn into a porn site? Have I ever talked about anything sex-related? WHAT IS GOING ON? Am I missing something? I’m scared.

What’s the strangest search term you’ve ever had? I can’t be the only one that gets such absurd things. I hope. 

156 thoughts on “welcome, pervs

  1. nrlymrtl says:

    Yep. Same here. A few times a month, I get odd and sometimes pervy search terms – like folks are looking for fanfiction erotica for some epic fantasies I have reviewed. It’s fine with me that such fanfic exists out there somewhere, but I don’t have any links to such on my website.

  2. galby68 says:

    Haha. Believe it or not, I’m grossed out and jealous. I’ve only seen Google search results for my blog and they don’t give me details about the search terms.

  3. cordeliasmom2012 says:

    I have one of the most vanilla sites around, so I figured I’d be safe checking my searches. Amazing how many of them are looking for porn! (“old mom pussy twitter” – really?). But the one I find a little unnerving is, “Hello, my name is Satan.”

  4. gigglingfattie says:

    The majority of my search terms are “unknown”. I just figured out how to make my site searchable a few months ago. Most of them are normal (I just checked) but I do have a “south korean fatties” search. other than that nothing too exciting haha

  5. Arlene says:

    These are the ones so far for this year.
    crochet goodie bag pattern
    john saul retired
    granny square beanie hat crochet pattern
    how to make crochet bag step by step
    814 robin blue yarn
    snappy tots summertime snack bag
    butternut squash spiral ham
    And they all make sense with what I have posted. 😀
    Books, Ebay, Crocheting, and food.

  6. sadiro2015 says:

    Once I innocently searched “poking disorder” because my nephew was going thru a phase of needing to poke holes in everything. I’m more careful choosing search terms now.

  7. Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna) says:

    I don’t get it. I’ve never done search terms. Is that what people search that brings them to your page? Goddess only knows how people find me lol

  8. Randumstarr says:

    My search history is something to be truly feared as well. I’m afraid to look now. But, I think it’s the human nature of curiosity that intrigues us to enter the vast majority of seemingly innocent search terms which later turn into a big spoon full of WTF!

  9. spartacus2030 says:

    ‘Women who like to get punched’… I don’t think you have a whole lot to worry about Blair. It’s hard to make out with Microsoft. Don’t think they have a program for that… I could be wrong! Does this mean we’ll be REAL chips off the old block? Hope my Mommy-Board doesn’t over heat! Your title busted me up right away… Yeah… I wonder what ‘Delirious’ would bring up?

  10. Cookie says:

    If i even had the first clue how to check on what search terms brought people to my blog, I think it would take a lot of wine and many hours in therapy to bring me back, lol.

    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      Righttt? Haha. Lots of wine needed. It’s on your stats page on the bottom right. Should be under “search terms”. I don’t get them that often, usually they just say ‘unknown.’ You might have to click on the month results to see. Look at your own risk 🙂

  11. Megs says:

    I don’t want to “like” this because it’ll make me look questionable.
    So… I’ll just put a comment here and run away. Quickly.

  12. peaceof8 says:

    Hilarious! The comments are almost as much fun as your actual post. Maybe I will be more creative with my tags to actually GET readers (even if they are icky) to my site. It’s not the quality of the readers but the quantity, RIGHT? Hahahaha! I suppose there will disappointment for not actually READING anything about bunglecunts and such, but whatever. Ha!
    So funny:) Great read!!!

  13. Nyx says:

    If you don’t already have search results, you can get it by signing up for Google Analytics. That does require a phone number and other info, though. It also requires you to be on a ‘plan’ that allows you to put in your tracking ID… That’s for WordPress, anyway.

    Seeing your search terms… I’m both curious about mine yet somewhat happy I can’t see them…

  14. sassandsauce says:

    I didn’t know about the ‘search term’thingies at all.. I just checked and I want to go and bury myself under a ton of blankies. I got a terrible one ‘mom did the dog’. I am really concerned that somebody who searched for that read my blog. Freaking out right now. I ‘m debating whether I should take off all personal refernces and pictures. Jeez I’m weirded out..

  15. evilsquirrel13 says:

    I do a yearly awards post for my best search terms… and in fact, named the The Sandys after the fact that my early blogging days saw a deluge of people looking for Spongebob and Sandy Squirrel porn (I have my own Sandy Squirrel). If those disturb you, you should be thankful Google tightened up its privacy a few years ago because so many of them now show up only as “unknown search terms” and only about 10% of the search terms people “find you” with are ever logged for your viewing pleasure. Pre-2013 search terms lists were a sight to behold!

  16. L. van Ree says:

    Thank you so much for adding that word to my vocabulary. I was scared to google it at first, but according to one site a bunglecunt is just another word to describe Donald Trump.
    I hope it catches on.

    I have a blog about sex without any actual sex, so a lot of my visitors probably land on my page with only one hand on the keyboard and the other one (well, you know), though I wonder whatever the person who googled ‘What is Gandalf sexually?’ was expecting…

  17. R Cawkwell says:

    I’ve just checked my search terms for the last year. I didn’t think I’d have any interesting ones because it’s mostly book reviews. But then i found this “hard-core virgin sex .com”. I am very confused, there is no sex on my blog, I write book reviews.

  18. galeweithers says:

    Well now I will have to check out the searches on my blog as soon as I have a chance but admit to being more than a littl scares after reading all these comments. In the meantime though thanks for the great belly laugh – a great way to start off my weekend 🙂

  19. imsonot says:

    I had to look at my “since the start of time” stats to find anything remotely good. Here are some:

    puddintame…ask me again, i\’ll tell you the same etc

    cheapest places to get a cat scan and ekg in indianapolis

    pvc \”inflatable coat\”

    i am a pipefitter -find me a fucking job

    “what’s the soup du jour?” “it’s the soup of the day.” “mm, that sounds good, i’ll have that.” (Yay for “Dumb and Dumber!!”)

    raunchy sleazy pics of janet jackson

    george washington’s rules of etiquette defacate on stairs (O.o)

    badgirls softcore kiss photos

    tin foil bondage

    mouthsjob total

    run not in the streets, neither go too slowly nor with mouth open go not shaking yr arms kick not the earth with yr feet, go not upon the toes, nor in a dancing fashion. what does it mean

    yawn pee shit sigh breathe

    repressed asshole (Great…someone searched for that and found ME. lol)

  20. Ann Coleman says:

    I try not to look at the search terms, and thankfully, there are only a few. I tend to fly under the radar, and am much happier that way. Sometimes ignorance is a good thing.

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