thanks but no thanks

You know when you’re down on your luck, going through a terrible time, and all you want to do is drown yourself in a vat of melted chocolate? Then, you lean on your loved one for support and they say, “don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.” Really? Am I the only one who gets stabby over this saying? My dog got run over for a reason? How comforting.

itsucks

Now, obviously people say this because they think they are helping, so I can’t fault them too much. I’m equally bad at comforting people. I never know what to say, so I just try to smile and offer to buy them pizza. “Oh, you lost your job? Does that mean you want your pizza with extra cheese then?” I’m terrible at it. Once my friend was crying because her boyfriend suddenly broke up with her and I tried to make it better by doing a dance for her. I even made up a song to go with it. It made her cry harder. Oops.

Be careful who you say ‘things happen to a reason’ to. Things are more personal than that. Things are more traumatic than that. There is no good reason for many things to happen – rape, cancer, infertility, child abuse/molestation, the list goes on.

(PS – Nothing traumatic is happening to me, and I don’t even own a dog. No worries, friends)

i was outsmarted by a 15 year old

I love what the internet has become. Mainly because I don’t have to do jack to learn anything new except pull up Google or find a how-to video on YouTube. Lazy people, unite! You can seriously find YouTube videos on doing anything. I’ve watched them for car repairs, yoga sequences, and most recently for some better makeup tips. There are hundreds of them on there. After clicking through a bunch of them, I realized most of these girls are just that — girls. Some 15… some 17. Should I be impressed? Embarrassed? Angry that I suck that much at applying makeup? It was rough.

A 28 year old married woman… getting makeup advice from a 15 year old high school freshman. I’m pretty mortified. Even worse, I tried her tips today and got several compliments… It’s not every day you’re forced to admit a 15 year old is more knowledgeable than you at something. For shame.

Time to go back to the rock I’ve been living under.