tutus are not okay

Fun Fact: Americans spend more money on pets in a year than Germany spends on its entire defense budget.

Damn right we do! Let’s face it… animals are better catvshumansthan people. There’s no chance Fido is going to hit on your husband and tell your mutual friends that he plans to grab his ass and pretend it was an accident. I doubt Lady Meowington gives a shit if you roll out of bed with Cheeto dust in your hair because you haven’t bothered to shower for a few days. She’d probably like you even more.

People suck. So… go on friends. Go out and buy a heated pet bed. Some specialty food. Spend $200+ dollars on a tree your cat is going to rip to shreds. A pink tutu for your dog. Okay, don’t do that last one. Dogs shouldn’t be in tutus. Seriously… don’t. You copy?

(I have an off topic question – have any of you gone from wordpress.com to .org? Did you have issues? Did you lose your followers? Comments? Do you still have access to the WP Reader? Yes, I’m slow and terrible with computers. Help a girl out!)

i want to force hug you guys

Everyone who wished me a happy birthday: thank you. Seriously. You guys kick so. much. ass. A lot of you said amazingly kind things to me, and I was really touched. And I don’t mean the creepy touching that my pervy cousin subjects me to every time we have a reunion hug that lasts a little too long. He’s a lingerer. I enjoyed this touching. It was nice. 

I’ve learned a lot about you guys from your giveaway submissions:
– Some of you are kind enough to open your house to foster cats (and dogs) and are helping them transition to their new homes.
– Some of you have taken in 3,4,5+ strays as the weather takes its turn towards winter. (including two people who are currently housing pregnant cats, and are playing a significant role in the welfare of her kittens)
– A lot of you are animal rescuers and have given your cats an amazing and new chance at life.
– Some of you have recently had pets pass away, and want to donate the prize in their memory.
– I’ve had people ask me, if their name was drawn, to sell the prize and donate the money to the SPCA instead.
– People have asked me how they can purchase the crocheted toys I make because they want to help benefit the SPCA. (I’m actually in the process of setting up an Etsy shop where all profits will be donated to the SPCA. I’ve just been delayed a bit!)

I’m never serious on this blog, but I wanted to point out that there are some really awesome bloggers on here. People who have big hearts, and lots of love to share. Your generosity is a great reminder of what’s good in the world. I’ve read and loved all of your stories, and appreciate everything you guys have done. Thank you. I wish I could share some wine and a piece of my birthday cake with you guys. (Well, maybe a bite. Cake is important to a girl.)

If you haven’t entered yet, and want to do so, go here: Cat-Crazy Giveaway You can still enter through the end of Saturday (11:59 pm EST)

pixandziggy

i want to make your kitty purr (enter the giveaway!)

What does any mature and sophisticated newly 29-year-old adult want to do on her birthday? I’m pretty sure the right answer is hide under a comfy blanket with coffee in hand and spend the day with her cat. That’s what I want to do, at least. The only problem is Pix will barely put up with the audacity of me ‘being present’ for so long before she realizes that laying in the sun is a much more tempting offer. I don’t blame her, really.

Today is my birthday. The best thing about birthdays? Gifts. (And getting to do whatever the hell you want all day without anyone telling you you’re a lazy sack. Oh, and cake. Mmm) So, I thought it would be fun to give a present away. It contains the necessary items to attain my ideal ‘perfect day.’ A super soft blanket,  a mug for your coffee, and fun things to make your cat(s) want to spend the day with you.

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Included in the giveaway is:
– A plush red and brown new cat bed
– A plaid fleece blanket
– A cat-crazy coffee mug
– Kitty treats
– 3 crocheted balls that rattle
– 3 crocheted catnip-infused mice
– 2 crocheted sling bands (Pix’s favorite!)

All crocheted toys are done by yours truly. Normally, I  sell them to raise money for the SPCA and these are the colors I had on hand. If you want specific colors, just ask! I hoard yarn in every color imaginable.

To enter: Fill out the form below. In the ‘comment’ section of the form, please say what state you live in (US) or what country. You can enter from now through the end of Saturday (11:59pm EST). The winner will be drawn at random and announced here Sunday.

If you have a cat: enter
If you don’t, but know someone who does: enter (I’ll mail it out before Christmas)
If you don’t have a cat, or know any cat lovers: enter and donate it to your local humane society. I’m sure they would appreciate it.

Next time, I’ll do a more generic giveaway. Like money, or an Amazon gift card. But, it’s my birthday. As Cartman would say:  I do what I want! 

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(This giveaway is sponsored by my husband. Who happily supported me spending money in order to do this even though I don’t make money blogging. He’s pretty kickass)

hands off my fish taco, dog

Well, it’s finally happened. I lost my virginity last night. I have to say — it was pretty magical. We were outside, clutching each other close underneath the Christmas lights.  It was…. perfect.

I finally got to pick out my first-ever live Christmas tree. Woooo. (Come on, guys. I’m married. How sad would it be if I actually was a virgin?) When I was growing up, we always had a fake one. My parents are practical, stuffy neat-freaks. Why the hell would you cut a tree down and bring it inside when it will cause a mess of pine needles all over the floor? Blasphemous! Since our cat is allergic to everything and your mother. (Yes, even YOUR mother. I mean — have you ever heard of a cat allergic to dogs? She’s quite special) We have never had a real tree because we were afraid it would bother her.

christmastreelotSadly, the tree won’t be living in our house due to the cat, but my in-laws still invited us to dinner and to help them pick their two out. For a Christmas fanatic — it tickled my fancy quite a bit.

But, we had a debate last night that needs to be settled. I’m really curious about y’all’s opinions: At the restaurant where we had dinner there was a man with a service dog next to us. He was an emotional support dog. The man was eating alone and sharing all of his food with the begging pup. When the man ran out of fries to supply to him, the dog started begging at nearby tables for random people’s food. Our opinions were all different at the table. If you were sitting at the table with us, what would you be thinking? (I don’t think the poll can be seen on the Reader)

 

embrace your inner crazy

For the love of God!  I mean… Cats! For the love of cats!

pixykitty

I’ve been trying to stay on top of my Christmas shopping this year, and I’m happy to announce: I’ve been kicking some serious ass. I’m almost done.  So, I’m pretty sure that warrants a pat on the back or something as it’s not even December yet. And a cookie. Maybe a brownie. Okay…both. I want both, damn it.

Who’s getting the most gifts from us this year? The cat. Yep, you read that right. Our pet cat. I’m not sure how or when this happened, but I’ve become one of those strange cat ladies.  The kind that has conversations with a non-verbal cat more often than with other human beings. Sometimes we share pieces of cheese together and take turns licking the same ice cream cone. (Okay, I don’t actually do that. Have you ever smelled cat breath? Blech.)  Sadly, I’m not even 30 yet. I didn’t think crazy-cat-lady syndrome could happen so early.

cattalk

So far, she will have a new cat tree, water fountain, automatic feeder, litter box, bed, blanket, and a slew of toys under the tree. I can’t wait to see the look on her face on Christmas morning when she gets to open them all.

……. We really need to have kids or something. This is getting scary. Help

here piggy piggy (tuesday trivia)

Fun Fact: A pig’s orgasm can last up to 30 minutes.

Am I the only one that’s pissed about this? This seems pretty unfair. What the hell, God? Is this the price we are paying for eating pigs? If we give up bacon, can we have one last for 30 minutes too? pigmask

As I was searching for pig pictures, I came across Esther The Wonder Pig. Have any of y’all heard of her? She was supposedly a “mini-pig” but turned out to be massive. I wonder if you can house-train pigs. Holy shit, she is cute. I want a pig roaming around my house, as long as they aren’t leaving massive poops on my kitchen floor. I’ve been obsessing all morning looking at her Instagram photos. Go look.

esther

adopt a cat, save your eyelids

You know those assholes that are already decorating for Christmas even though Thanksgiving hasn’t even rolled around yet? What the hell, right? Can’t we take one holiday at a time? Stop trying to shove Christmas down our throats with your pretty lights, touching TV ads and joyful music. Enough is enough already.

Well… I am one of those assholes. I love all things Christmas. The earlier the better, I always say.

My love for the holidays took a horrific turn last night, though. When a 2 inch long roach crawled out of one of the decoration boxes that we had brought in from the garage. I almost had a heart palpitation. This bitch was so big I could literally hear him crawling on the floor from 5 feet away. I panicked. Fight or flight? What do I do? Am I actually able to approach and kill this thing without gagging and throwing up everywhere? If I don’t kill it, it will for sure eat my eyelids in my sleep.
pixonabox

Then, a 6 pound hero emerged. She raced over and chomped the roach right in half and stood guard on the box until Alex got home to take over. She just may have saved my eyelids from being eaten last night. Go adopt a homeless cat. Save your eyelids, people!

bugattack

(the panic was real)

(Okay, I know she doesn’t give a crap about guarding a box for me and just wanted a tasty snack. But still — go adopt a homeless cat, anyway)

please don’t hump me

When I was growing up I had an irrational fear of being humped by dogs. There were quite a few years  they scared the absolute shit out of me. Not because I thought they would attack and bite me… but, I thought they would cling onto my leg and make me their bitch. I used to wake up from nightmares of dogs chasing me just so they could knock me over and help themselves to my limbs.

It seems pretty weird, I know. I actually had no idea what humping was at that time. Guys, I grew up under a rock. I was one of those awkward, overly sheltered, strange kids that liked to sit in the corner and pick my nose. When we first met, it was highly likely you’d assume I was home-schooled. (My husband was home-schooled, so I can say that without it being offensive…right?) All I knew was that a dog had tried before, and my grandpa had smacked his butt and pushed him away, calling it gross. After that, I lived in fear of it happening again.

laytonblackwhite

(Layton. A dog Alex and I fostered for a few months last year)

Now, I love dogs. Hell, I love all animals for the most part. But the same fear still manifests itself now. I can’t watch a nature documentary without having the remote readily available. You bet your ass I’m changing the channel if any sort of animal mating comes on the screen. And, there is still part of me that gets a little nervous and sweaty when we are planning a trip to the zoo.I don’t want to see something that, you know… can’t be unseen. I know, I know. It’s the circle of life. It’s what animals do, they are just procreating. It’s nature. Grow up, Blair… you’re 28. That’s why it’s called an irrational fear, people.

Well, today is Veteran’s Day here in the US. Not only did my grandfather protect me from a hump-happy dog, he also kicked some Nazi ass in WWII. Thanks, Grandpa. Miss you. Please don’t roll over in your grave because I’ve included you in a post about humping.

And, thanks to all veterans for your service. I’d buy all of you lunch if I could afford to.

dear Petco (some tuesday trivia)

Fun Fact: Rats laugh when they are tickled.

I wonder how weird the Petco employees would think I am if I told them I wasn’t there to purchase anything. Only to tickle their rats. Think they’d let me, or call security? Maybe I just need to take a trip to NYC.

At least I found a new goal to accomplish in November.

cuterat

They are kinda cute, right? Maybe a little bit?