i set fire to the bed last night

I know I’m not the only one around these parts that enjoys a good poem about bumpin’ uglies. So, I thought it would be fun to share a piece from one of my favorite people on WordPress. She’s one of the nicest people here and she is hilarious. If you don’t know who pixieannie is already, make sure you visit her blog. You’ll find an amazing person there – a fitness lover, animal lover, an amazing photographer, she’s got tattoos all over and has the best workout clothes. (Seriously… can we switch lives, please?)

bedfire

Here’s her short & hilarious poem:


I set fire to my bed last night
the first time I shagged Gary
my ma and pa came in the room
and said that we should marry

I remember from the science class
that friction made stuff hot
bugger me, I’d not have guessed
but blamed it on the pot

roll on three years later
and we have a kid name Boo
he’s a proper little ‘ooligan
filled the petrol tank with glue

I guess it’s safe to say now
that we shag at a slower pace
but just in case the spark ignites
there’s a water bed in case


 

there’s a whole lot of crazy going on

Today is Alex and my wedding anniversary. Can we give him a round of applause, please? Dealing with me on a daily basis is a whole roller-coaster of crazy. And not a fun one where you scream, throw your hands in the air, and make a plan with your friends to give a big thumbs-up and a cheesy grin to the camera as you zoom by on the rails. Keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times, folks, or you might lose one. 

toystoryhug

Even though I’m a bit crazy, our marriage is quite the opposite. We have an easy, respectful and loving relationship, and I couldn’t possibly be more grateful. I thought it would be fun to share a poem I wrote for Alex this year. Now, let me forewarn you: an 8-year-old has better poetry skills than I do. (I probably haven’t written one since then, anyway) This poem was meant to be a silly joke, and that’s all.

“Oh Alex, I really love you
And the way that you love me
Your butt, your smile, your sense of humor,
Jesus, you make me so crazy.

You’re sexy when you’re cleaning
Take charge of that litter box!
Hurry up, now. I can’t stand it
Strip down into your socks!

Thank you for accepting me,
Farts, hairiness, and all
Even when I shed like crazy,
And leave it on the shower wall

I’ll love you ’til you’re old and wrinkly,
I’m honored to be your wife
You’re stuck with me forever, babe
I’m yo bitch fo’ life”

I know, I know. I won’t quit my day job.