cops, dildos, and guest posters. oh my

Sometimes it’s nice to have a friend that’s a cop so you can ask them burning questions like: ‘would you take diarrhea as an excuse for speeding home?‘ I don’t know any cops in real life – I think they can sense the crazy and steer clear of me until they get the phone call that forces them to my doorstep. Because they know it’s coming someday. Lucky for me, I found a cop-friend here in blogland.(And yes, I asked him about the diarrhea & speeding question.) He runs a humor blog that chronicles the random and crazy shit that goes on during his shift. It’s like watching the crazies on the show Cops, but reading it instead. It’s hilarious and semi-alarming (because people are so dumb.) But… don’t laugh at people’s idiocy, guys. That would be wrong. So very wrong. (Says the chick that loves laughing at idiots)

So, without further ado –  here’s a post from my hilarious cop-friend, Badge415, about a fellow officer’s run in with a used dildo:


 

“One night I pulled up to a traffic collision scene in which a vehicle had collided into a wall. The suspect vehicle was an SUV and its rear door was open. I walked up to the vehicle and saw an officer frantically rubbing his hands with an alcohol wipe. In fact, he was rubbing his hands so fast I thought the friction was going to start a fire.

hammer-pic

He had a worried look on his face as he said, “Do you have any hand sanitizer.”

“No. Why?”

He then walked over to the suspect vehicle and showed me something that looked like a pink hammer. As I got closer, I saw it was a sex toy.

“What the heck is that?” I asked.

He said, “I was patting him down and I pulled that out of his pocket. The guy told me he used that on his girlfriend tonight.”

The officer wasn’t wearing gloves at the time and I busted up laughing. I laughed so loud someone would’ve wondered what was wrong with me. The poor officer didn’t think it was that funny though. He actually had a traumatized look on his face and I couldn’t blame him. I then took my phone out and snapped a picture of the thing.

Of course, the story was told over and over again after that. Everyone had the same look of shock and disgust when they saw the picture and heard the story.

download-1

A few days later, I was in Target when I saw this curling iron on one of the main aisles. I instantly thought of the cop when I saw it. I sent him a picture hoping he would think it was as funny as I did. Luckily he was cool about it.

This was just one of those stories that had to be told.”

Make sure you visit him. He has some great stories on his blog


 

Lately, I’ve been thinking about having guest posters here once in awhile. I don’t have the mental capacity to post every day (seriously, how do y’all do it? I can sit down after 2 days of not posting, and still draw a blank.) So, I thought it would be cool to share some funny stories from other people. Maybe you have a blog you don’t want to write inappropriate stories on, or it would be too off topic, or… you just want to share something hilarious with the kickass readers here. Well… I enjoy a good sex, poop, any embarrassing or funny personal story in general. I don’t run a classy joint, contrary to popular belief. Okay, I’m pretty sure nobody believes that. 

(I’ve never done this before, and I’m feeling very much like the new-kid. Are there protocols? Common courtesies? Secrets I should know about? Help a girl out.) If you have a story you want to share, you can email me @ theshamefulsheep@gmail.com