a storm is brewing

This post is going to get a little sticky, folks. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t enjoy a vivid bodily-function-story, you may want to skip this one. For everyone else: strap yourselves in and keep your eyes on the road. It’s about to get all taboo up in here.(You’ve been warned)  Let’s jump right in. 

Have you ever been out somewhere and had the sudden urge to go to the bathroom? Now, I’m not talking about drinking too much of your beloved Starbucks vanilla latte and taking a stroll over to the ladies room to pee. I’m talking about standing in the middle of the grocery store and getting a sharp pain that alerts you that a storms-a-brewin’. You’re forced to abandon your shopping cart and propel into a sprint past the front registers.  Don’t worry about all the customers and employees thinking you are crazy, there is just one goal: Get. To. The. Car. You can make it home, right? It’s only five minutes.

familypooper

You’ve driven this route a million times. You’re 100% sure you’re going to make it. Your seat heater is cranked. Your music is pumping. There’s no doubt you’ll be able to make it home and enjoy the privacy of your own bathroom. Hallelujah. Then it hits you again, and this time it’s harder. Your toes curl, you begin to sweat profusely, and everyone else driving on the road has turned into a ‘motherfucker who won’t get the hell out of the way.’ 

Creepy & curious minds (mine) want to know: how do you handle this situation?

PS – Be careful when adding more broccoli to your diet.

 

tell me something funny

I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award. I see them floating around everywhere, and I truly have no idea what they are. What I haven’t seen around : who wins. anybody? what do I get if I win? who chooses the winner?! WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

So, I’ve decided I’m going to do a rebel-version of the award “rules” and just answer the questions. The only reason I’m doing gonna do it is because the person who nominated me is pretty awesome. She cracks me up. Go visit Sandra’s blog “what sandra thinks”  here.

Her questions were:

How many different places have you lived and which was your favorite?
I’ve lived in 7 different states  here in the US: Massachusetts, New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, Pennsylvania, Utah, and currently North Carolina. My favorite was Utah — friendly people and snow-capped mountains. Hello.
Describe yourself in 5 words or less.
My cat has her own room. (six words — but it says a lot)
Who is your hero or idol?
JK Rowling. A bit cliche, but growing up I always thought it was amazing how she could captivate an audience.
Where is your favorite place on earth?
Anywhere coffee, sweatpants, and fuzzy slippers are socially acceptable to wear all day.
What is your most-loved childhood memory?
Races with my sister to see who could poop the fastest. Kids.
What annoys you most?
When people are unwilling to see something from another’s perspective. Or anything foot related. Feet are disgusting.
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, health concerns aside, what would it be?
Pizza or Chinese food. Not real Chinese food — the bastardized American version.
Where would you go on your perfect vacation?
A margarita and a beach is all I need.

Rather than pass it along to other people, I thought it would be fun to just ask my own question to anyone who wants to answer. I’m going to base it off my favorite question of Sandra’s.
What is your funniest childhood memory? (kid stories always make me laugh)