welcome, pervs

Every once in awhile I get deeply concerned about people and what the hell they are thinking. Not specific people… just people as a whole. Seriously, what are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do we need to have a talk? Frankly, a lot of you creep me out on a whole different level and make me want to run away to a deserted island with nothing but nachos and a pool filled with raspberry margaritas.Can it get any better than that? I highly doubt it. 

wtfman

It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at my search results, and it was instant regret once I did. So, naturally, I’m going to share them with you so you can be disturbed along with me. Misery loves company, right? (Fair warning: there are some strange people out there. Proceed with caution)

“i love shameful teens” 
“elizabeth thatcher shows her pussy from when calls the heart”
“what does sheep pussy look like?”
“why do cats screech during sex?”
“you’re a bunglecunt”
“my sister was born in lame city”

When did this turn into a porn site? Have I ever talked about anything sex-related? WHAT IS GOING ON? Am I missing something? I’m scared.

What’s the strangest search term you’ve ever had? I can’t be the only one that gets such absurd things. I hope. 

what the hell, guys?

I only started this blog at the end of September, so my ‘year in review’ is, well… pretty damn dismal. (Actually, WP never even sent me one. Screw those monkeys for leaving me out. It’s middle school all over again.) The best thing about my stats since I’ve started blogging is -by far- the search terms people have used and landed on my site.

Let’s take a look at a few of these gems:
“i married a man that farts all the time”
“woke up to my dog humping my head”
“sheep sex”
“my husband is mean when he takes cold medicine”
“will Petco neuter my rat?”

I’m speechless, guys. No words. What’s worse — the deranged things people search for, or the fact the results link to my blog. Either way, it’s insanity.

crazyandoffensive

Thanks for hanging out in 2015, friends. Thanks for sticking by when I talk about some pretty inappropriate things, drop too many swears, and get a little pun-heavy. Stay safe tonight, and don’t forget to wear your diaper.