You know how parents are ultra embarrassing when you’re growing up? Maybe it’s their undying love of Birkenstocks, or when they try to say trendy things like “that’s cray” and “chillax” or even how they clip their toenails onto their plate after they finish eating. Well, at the ripe age of 28, I’ve come to the realization that this embarrassment never ends. It just evolves into something different.
(picture taken in Palm Springs, CA this past summer)
Mom: Blair, did you see this sign? Maybe you shouldn’t swim today.
Me: Uh… I’m fine, mom. No diarrhea here.
Mom: But, I saw you rush to the bathroom when I was getting water in the middle of the night. I just assumed it was urgent. Is everything working okay down there? Have you seen a doctor lately? Diarrhea can make you dehydrated. Make sure you drink more water today.
Me: Thanks, mom. I’m good. Just a routine visit in the night.
Mom: Do you remember that time you pooped in the bath tub when you were with your sister? I can think of a couple times you went in the water when you were little. I don’t know what it was… but, you liked to let loose once you hit water. I think it relaxed you. It was so weird.
What’s more humiliating: my mom deciding to loudly discuss my issues in public, or the woman who was frantically pulling her kids out of the water while they were crying, thinking there was actually a possibility I would crap in there? Thanks for the vote of confidence, lady. I’m almost 30.
The Shameful Sheep 
😂😂😂😂😂 I might just die!!!
GAH!! I just watched The Middle last night and the episode was about how embarrassing parents can be and it Never.Stops. No matter how old our parents are, they feel the need to parent. Loudly. My mom always reminds me to say “thank you”. Uh…I am 3-fucking-2, Ma. I think I know that I need to say my “pleases” and “thank you’s”. My mom is an “over-thanker” and thinks everyone else should be too. *sigh*
I love that show! I really thought it was something that would end as I got older…. But. Nope.
That’s a big NOPE.
I never, ever embarrassed any of my kids – neither then nor now. Of course, they might tell a different story …
I feel like this should be categorized under “shit storms” like it says in your tagline…
I really need to make that a category. I never even thought of it.. What the heck lol
LOL. Mothers!
Brilliant – I would never do anything like that to my kids – unless it seems a good idea!!! 👏
My mom and I would go to the movies together now and then when I was a teenager, and if I had to say something to her during the film I would lean over and whisper it as quietly as possible into her ear. She would unfailingly respond facing straight forward at full voice. Dying time, so embarrassed…
Haha, oh no. My father-in-law is a huge movie buff and always asks my husband to go with him to the theater. He hates going because of a similar situation to yours. It’s hilarious. Loud movie talkers are funny — especially when it suddenly gets super quiet and they are all you can hear. Mortifying!
Haha! FYI My mom is 80 now. It never stops.
oh no lol
hahaha! my mother “stage whispers” that stuff and she might as well be screaming. So funny!
When I got divorced, many years ago, my parents felt sorry for me. So they invited me on an endless round of visits to stately homes, old people’s tea parties – whatever they were doing I got included in. Which was nice, except my mother kept saying to every waitress, acquaintance or whatever, This is my daughter. She used to be married to an artist but now she’s DIVORCED.
Lol, why would she want to announce that to everyone?! Mothers, I tell ya
Hahahah, oh My!!! 😄😄 mothers have a way of remembering the embarrassing things at the wrongest times 😀
Yes, yes they do lol. She never learned that some things should remain private!
it doesn’t end. i’m 38. my mom still buys me clothes, which is nice. but when it doesn’t fit, it’s a ten-minute bask “of course i should’ve gotten a bigger size.” [insert more references to weight mismanagement here]. in other news, i enjoyed your post! thank you!
Oh, now that’s a low blow. That would bother me a lot more than my mom talking about my bathroom habits.
Absolutely hilarious! Have just got to reblog you! The pool sign made me bust a gut! I’m mean, how would they know if you had the runs 14 days ago anyway?
I know, right? I’ve never seen a sign like that. It was hilarious
I was wondering that too
I was at my local suppermarket looking for 12 grain bread. The sign below the bread read: ‘Regular: $329. Now on sale for: $329!’ LOL! Sounds to me like someone was hitting the crack pipe.
Bread…what in the world kind of bread is that. Someone has smoked something…..yikes.
Reblogged this on My Opinionsville and commented:
Absolutely hilarious! Have just got to reblog you! The pool sign made me bust a gut! I’m mean, how would they know if you had the runs 14 days ago anyway?
And now I get to do THAT to MY daughters! Woohoo!!! What fun!
I won’t deny: I’m kinda looking forward to doing it when I’m a parent, too. Lol. It’s gotta be fun
It’s the best… I absolutely love being a dad.
You just made my day. That’s hilarious. How are your bowels, dear?
Haha. They are pretty good right now. Thanks for asking 😉
I couldn’t resist. I’m still laughing about your experience.
Mums are awesome!
They is aweful worried about diarrhea but none of the other thousand things that could cause issues… many created from that same area of the body. Did I miss the medical alert that was issued stating that diarrhea has moved to the top of the medical concern list? (Very funny story!)
Bubba
http://www.redneckhunt.com
😂😂 This is way too amazing. Had me cracking up! What a conversation to have!! Lol
And people assume it’s always the kids having accidents in pools. 😀
On the positive side, public humiliation always makes for good writing material. Seriously, this is hysterical!
Pretty funny. Remember, this is the person who used to change your diaper.
I would’ve died!! I can’t believe she did that to you 🙂
Reblogged this on Contrafactual and commented:
Yeah, gotta reblog this
Wow, I think we might have the same mom.
Lol! I’m a mother now. It’s my job to be embarrassing ( that’s what I tell my 11 yr old son anyway!) don’t forget that as you get older your hearing and eyesight goes, sometimes you don’t even know you are talking loudly……..
Funny story, also funny is that I just got home from there last night, that looks like the same pool where I was staying in Palm Desert, at least the sign is identical!
Haha that’s a funny coincidence. I guess those signs are just the norm over there. I’ve never seen one anywhere else in the US before.
I’m pretty sure that I embarrass my kids every time I open my mouth and speak. At least the looks on their faces seem to indicate that. 🙂 But that certainly doesn’t stop me from talking!!
I think it’s a great idea for you mother to broadcast the history of your bowel movements to the nation. Then as a follow-up perhaps she can solicit the opinions of passers-by as to your possible diarrhea issues.
I am, of course, being ironic. The truth is I’d have been mortified in the same situation. I’m impressed you didn’t run off screaming. 🙂
I had to laugh! How do we all have the same moms?
This is good stuff but at the ripe age of 27 I’ve just realized I must be an embarrassing parent…
I think it is some kind of law… parents have to do this kind of things…
You’re probably right. Hey, I look forward to doing it when I’m a parent 🙂
It’s just cause we love you! 🙂 Being almost 60 and having THREE daughters (26, 25 and 22), I can assure you–daughters do plenty of embarassing things to mothers too…it’s merely revenge! 😉 ❤
Haha, I love my mom. It would be hilarious to see her write about a time I’ve embarrassed HER. I’m sure it’s happened!
I still enjoy embarrassing my kids in public. They are 31 and 34 now. I consider it payback for all the hell they put us through when they were teenagers. Unfortunately, as some point, I’m going to have to start being nice as they will be the ones who chose my nursing home. 🙂
Lol very true! You gotta start being careful 🙂
That’s funny ! I remember in college when anyone’s parents would visit the kids in dorms and the person asking the 20 neighbors on left and right not to talk loudly, no smoking, no drinking, no swearing for those couple of hours.
It never ends. I took my elderly mother to the doctor one time. While we were sitting in the waiting room, she loudly asks me, “You’re not really going to vote for Obama are you?”
Haha, I could see my mom asking that. Hilarious.
Hahahahaha oy my daily dose of amusement.
😀
That’s embarrassing…. lol..
It was extremely embarrassing 🙂