when life gets hot and sticky

Has there ever been a period of time when you stop and think ‘hey, life is pretty perfect right now.’ You’re fitting into your favorite jeans, you just found out your arch enemy was arrested for public indecency, and, hell… for the first Christmas in years, money isn’t an issue. You’re shocked, grateful, and there’s no possible way to love life more than you do in this very moment. Then, not even a day later, a hot and sticky shit-storm rains all over your head and snaps you back into reality. Life is never that easy. Don’t ever think that. C’mon, now.


Things in my life were pretty damn awesome until I hit Saturday. I was deep into my final Christmas shopping trip in the mall, when I noticed I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe from an hour earlier. When it was time to leave, and I backed out of my parking spot, my entire front bumper got ripped off my car. (Yes, I’m the dumbass who pulled up too far over the curb.) Then, after I had a minor  major meltdown in the parking lot and finally made it home, Alex pointed out that there was white goop crusted above my lip from my beloved Starbucks drink. It wasn’t pretty, folks.

Sunday – I woke up sick.

Just remember — you are at the mercy of god/fate/karma/whatever you believe in. You’re their bitch, and they won’t be shy to knock you down a few pegs when needed. Never get too comfortable. It goes just as fast as it comes


85 thoughts on “when life gets hot and sticky

  1. pixieannie says:

    I apologise for finding this so funny. You never cease to make me laugh. I’ve experienced the toilet roll thingy.

    The other day when I was trying out beds in a well known department store. I was politely informed that my dress was no longing covering my behind. I was thankful for my woollen leggings and even more thankful that they were not opaque.

  2. Warrior Freya says:

    Bwahahahaha! I’ve never seen that e-card before buy oh my god is it perfect.

    Sorry to hear (read) that you had a crummy day, but just like you said, it goes as fast as it comes. Without the downs we wouldn’t ever notice when we have ups.

    Sending warm, fuzzy vibes your way. At cat pictures, because those make everything better. : D


    • Blair (The Shameful Sheep) says:

      You are 100% right. The downs make the ups even more enjoyable while they last. I mean, it’s not like something terrible happened to me that can’t be remedied. I’m just dramatic sometimes lol. Cats (and their pictures) always make things better! Thanks 🙂

  3. vsperry says:

    Yup, I sail through days thinking I look GOOD only to find out that my zipper was unzipped or I have spinach in my teeth or my shirt is on inside out. At least I can laugh about how pride goeth before a fall…

  4. bgddyjim says:

    On the other hand, if you can look at all of that shit, realize it too will pass, and the good times will be back again… well then you’ve really got something, no?

  5. Miriam says:

    Far out, I feel for you, I really do. Hope you’re starting to feel better. Things will pick up soon. I try not to get too complacent about anything cos you just never know what’s around the corner. Take care out there!

  6. Mann Kaundal says:

    Haha…Same pinch. few days back, I was planning for a vacation around new year but today, some totally unexpected expenditures visited me.
    all goody goody feelings said bye bye, I don’t know when they’ll come back and for how long?

  7. Worlds Biggest Fridge Magnet says:

    Life’s piece of shit, when you look at at so when you’re chewing on life’s grizzle don’t grumble give a whistle and this’ll help things turn out for the best…..
    Always look on the bright side of life…
    Unless of course you have toilet paper on your shoe, Starbuck’s around your mouth and have left your bumper on the curb….
    After this Blair, things can ONLY get better!!

  8. Vickie Ceccato says:

    Oh fuck. Well, it happens to the best of us I suppose. I was in a rush to pull out of my driveway in the middle of winter. I needed to let my husband get his car out, so I left my door open while I backed out of the driveway…This is winter…in Canada…the snowbanks aren’t made of snow, they’re made of ice! So I back up, the ice bank hits the door and pushes the door forward, bending it permanently open…the outside handle is now next to my front tire. That was a shitty day, and I felt like an utter douche bag.

  9. Jay says:

    You’re not alone in the minor/major meltdown experiences. The holidays bring it out in me also. Good luck keeping the coffee drink whip cream off your lips in the future…The struggle is real. : )

  10. cremedelauren says:

    Well said! At least you can laugh about it now. And entertain all of us and remind us of our shitty, sticky life experiences, too. It’s a crazy rollercoaster, eh?

  11. Otakraft says:

    Oh do I know this. I remember when I finally had a string of good luck with a promotion at work, some time off and I foolishly thought that I was on an uptick. Oh the Cosmic forces realigned real quick to remind me that my fate was their whim. I feel you.

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