Every once in awhile I get deeply concerned about people and what the hell they are thinking. Not specific people… just people as a whole. Seriously, what are you guys doing? Are you okay? Do we need to have a talk? Frankly, a lot of you creep me out on a whole different level and make me want to run away to a deserted island with nothing but nachos and a pool filled with raspberry margaritas.Can it get any better than that? I highly doubt it.
It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at my search results, and it was instant regret once I did. So, naturally, I’m going to share them with you so you can be disturbed along with me. Misery loves company, right? (Fair warning: there are some strange people out there. Proceed with caution)
“i love shameful teens”
“elizabeth thatcher shows her pussy from when calls the heart”
“what does sheep pussy look like?”
“why do cats screech during sex?”
“you’re a bunglecunt”
“my sister was born in lame city”
When did this turn into a porn site? Have I ever talked about anything sex-related? WHAT IS GOING ON? Am I missing something? I’m scared.
What’s the strangest search term you’ve ever had? I can’t be the only one that gets such absurd things. I hope.
The Shameful Sheep 
“Demi Lovato asshole” comes up a whole hell of a lot!!!!
Hilarious. I remember reading your post about it haha
Yep. Same here. A few times a month, I get odd and sometimes pervy search terms – like folks are looking for fanfiction erotica for some epic fantasies I have reviewed. It’s fine with me that such fanfic exists out there somewhere, but I don’t have any links to such on my website.
Strange, eh? Whatever floats their boat I guess!
Love your searches. They are so much more random than anything I ever get!
It’s frightening, really 🙂
A trifle scary indeed.
Haha. Believe it or not, I’m grossed out and jealous. I’ve only seen Google search results for my blog and they don’t give me details about the search terms.
I don’t get them very often, usually just “unknown” … but when they come through, they are gloriously strange lol
I’ve had some strange ones, but nothing like yours. Sheep pussy! What is that all about? (I really don’t want to know … ) Truly weird.
Leave the poor sheep alone! I’ve had multiple strange sheep queries. It’s weird lol
I have one of the most vanilla sites around, so I figured I’d be safe checking my searches. Amazing how many of them are looking for porn! (“old mom pussy twitter” – really?). But the one I find a little unnerving is, “Hello, my name is Satan.”
Wow, that one is actually pretty freaky lol. I’d be a little weirded out by it, I won’t lie!
Can you delete my previous comment? Please?
I deleted it. It was pretty amazing though 🙂 If you were just kidding about deleting it I’ll put it back 🙂
I was serious about deleting it, but I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
Johnny Cash finger.
What’s so special about his finger? Lol
OMG yes. Yesterday, someone searched for me by typing “pantyless amanda.” I don’t know how to feel about that.
Haha that’s amazing. A little unnerving, but amazing
Ha ha ha … Mine is always so lovely because “hearts everywhere” imagine their surprise when they start reading “fuck this” every other sentence. Hearts Everywhere, bitches!
Love it haha. They’ve gotta be a bit surprised!
I never get anything but unknown search terms! The single exception? “Walt Longmire fan fiction” 😂
Very strange 😂
The majority of my search terms are “unknown”. I just figured out how to make my site searchable a few months ago. Most of them are normal (I just checked) but I do have a “south korean fatties” search. other than that nothing too exciting haha
That one was also probably sex-motivated! Haha
haha most likely!
“Christmas cardboard” ???????????????
What the hell is that? Haha. Strange!
These are the ones so far for this year.
myebay
crochet goodie bag pattern
john saul retired
my.ebay
granny square beanie hat crochet pattern
how to make crochet bag step by step
814 robin blue yarn
snappy tots summertime snack bag
butternut squash spiral ham
And they all make sense with what I have posted. 😀
Books, Ebay, Crocheting, and food.
I’m glad yours make sense! Nothing too crazy there 🙂 Phew
“did Justin bieber do a mans transplantation”
Hahaha what?!! So random
Once I innocently searched “poking disorder” because my nephew was going thru a phase of needing to poke holes in everything. I’m more careful choosing search terms now.
Oh god, haha. I can only imagine what came up 😏
I’ve been lucky so far.
Your day will come 😂
Existential dread. I did a post on that topic on Jan 28 and have gotten over 1525 hits with that search term since.
Wow, that’s a lot. Impressive!
Wait…where can I get my search terms people are using? What the hell with the other terms? I feel uncomfortable now.
It’s under the stats page. Theres a category called “search terms.” I’m not sure if it’s different for self hosted or not though!
Ok, I’m going to check.
Ironically, I found your blog from a link on a penis enlargement ad.
Dear god, I wish they were true lol
I don’t get it. I’ve never done search terms. Is that what people search that brings them to your page? Goddess only knows how people find me lol
Yes, that’s exactly what they are! I’m not sure why my page pulls up for some of them! That’s the scary part lol
lol well I guess I don’t get any crazy ones OR they’re SO crazy wordpress doesn’t want me to see them!
Sometimes you really have to worry about humanity. Now I know why Donald Trump is so close to winning the election.
Right? Mystery solved lol
My search history is something to be truly feared as well. I’m afraid to look now. But, I think it’s the human nature of curiosity that intrigues us to enter the vast majority of seemingly innocent search terms which later turn into a big spoon full of WTF!
A BIG spoon haha. Very big.
I think I my need a shovel
Yikes. I don’t recall any reference to any of those here EVER.
Right? I don’t get it. It’s disturbing. Poor sheep.
Poor you for having to read such nonsense. 🙂
It’s a tough life 😉
I am not even going to look! What are people thinking??
It’s a scary world out there lol
Near as i can tell, don’t have any. Kinda disappointing. LOL
Just wait! It will happen someday. Then you will be freaked out like me haha
I will have to check, I have no idea
Did you find anything?
Mine are pretty simple. “faerie art 2016”, “exclusively”, “Memphis in May 2016”, and new laws in Tennessee… not too many searches are leading to my blog.
No uncomfortable surprises! That’s nice
I adore uncomfortable surprises. I was sadly disappointed I may have to see what some red files will generate…
‘Women who like to get punched’… I don’t think you have a whole lot to worry about Blair. It’s hard to make out with Microsoft. Don’t think they have a program for that… I could be wrong! Does this mean we’ll be REAL chips off the old block? Hope my Mommy-Board doesn’t over heat! Your title busted me up right away… Yeah… I wonder what ‘Delirious’ would bring up?
Women who like to get punched?! Hahaha are there such a thing?! Curious minds want to know
‘Some of them want to use you! Some of them want to be used by you!
Some of them want to abuse you!
Some of them want to be abused!’ – The Eurythmics
If i even had the first clue how to check on what search terms brought people to my blog, I think it would take a lot of wine and many hours in therapy to bring me back, lol.
Righttt? Haha. Lots of wine needed. It’s on your stats page on the bottom right. Should be under “search terms”. I don’t get them that often, usually they just say ‘unknown.’ You might have to click on the month results to see. Look at your own risk 🙂
I don’t want to “like” this because it’ll make me look questionable.
So… I’ll just put a comment here and run away. Quickly.
Understood LOL
Can’t think of anything particularly strange, but from now on I’m going to be more cognizant of what they are. 😀
They get a little weird.Be prepared 🙂
Hilarious! The comments are almost as much fun as your actual post. Maybe I will be more creative with my tags to actually GET readers (even if they are icky) to my site. It’s not the quality of the readers but the quantity, RIGHT? Hahahaha! I suppose there will disappointment for not actually READING anything about bunglecunts and such, but whatever. Ha!
So funny:) Great read!!!
I agree – I love the people who comment here! It’s amazing. So funny. In this case, quality is better than quantity haha, but I totally see where you’re going 😀
Okay, I must be missing something. What the heck do you mean by checking your search results?
It should be on your stats page on the bottom right. It says “search terms”…. Normally mine just says ‘unknown search terms’ but on a rare occasion I get blessed with the actual terms lol
They are the words people type into a search engine that lead to your site
Hmm. I checked but don’t have anything like that. My guess is nobody’s searches ever lead to my site. Perhaps I’ll send up a flare.
If you don’t already have search results, you can get it by signing up for Google Analytics. That does require a phone number and other info, though. It also requires you to be on a ‘plan’ that allows you to put in your tracking ID… That’s for WordPress, anyway.
Seeing your search terms… I’m both curious about mine yet somewhat happy I can’t see them…
Exactly. They can get a little strange !
“Stepmom caught cleaning with no clothes on” is the weirdest I’ve gotten. The best was this week: “yoda fuck with him you do not.”
I like that its typed as yoda would say it. Perfect.
The internet does nothing to improve humanity’s PR, whether it’s any comment section or freaky search.
Agreed lol. The internet is a scary place
I didn’t know about the ‘search term’thingies at all.. I just checked and I want to go and bury myself under a ton of blankies. I got a terrible one ‘mom did the dog’. I am really concerned that somebody who searched for that read my blog. Freaking out right now. I ‘m debating whether I should take off all personal refernces and pictures. Jeez I’m weirded out..
Nooo. That’s not okay 😦 Poor dog. I hope that was a joke and not something that actually happened. I have a feeling I’m probably wrong though lol
I know.. Let’s just think of it as a joke. 😦
Bunglecunt, I really want to use that in a sentence. I can’t talk though, I’m pretty creepy.
At least you admit and embrace it 🙂
I do a yearly awards post for my best search terms… and in fact, named the The Sandys after the fact that my early blogging days saw a deluge of people looking for Spongebob and Sandy Squirrel porn (I have my own Sandy Squirrel). If those disturb you, you should be thankful Google tightened up its privacy a few years ago because so many of them now show up only as “unknown search terms” and only about 10% of the search terms people “find you” with are ever logged for your viewing pleasure. Pre-2013 search terms lists were a sight to behold!
I can only imagine! I kinda wish I could see them all. Curious mind over here. Spongebob and Sandy porn… WEIRD.
If you aren’t familiar with Rule 34, look it up. It is completely true, for better or for worse…
I’ll take a look!
Bunglecunt.
Thank you so much for adding that word to my vocabulary. I was scared to google it at first, but according to one site a bunglecunt is just another word to describe Donald Trump.
I hope it catches on.
I have a blog about sex without any actual sex, so a lot of my visitors probably land on my page with only one hand on the keyboard and the other one (well, you know), though I wonder whatever the person who googled ‘What is Gandalf sexually?’ was expecting…
Bunglecunt was used here in reference to Trump! I had NO idea what that word was beforehand lol. It’s pretty great actually.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bunglecunt (that’s what I found when I googled it;))
I’ve just checked my search terms for the last year. I didn’t think I’d have any interesting ones because it’s mostly book reviews. But then i found this “hard-core virgin sex .com”. I am very confused, there is no sex on my blog, I write book reviews.
Hahaha. So random! Isn’t it strange how it leads to your blog? It’s pretty concerning lol
Very concerning 🙂
For some reason I constantly get “Tobias Menzies naked.”
Interesting. I don’t even know who that is 🙂
Haha, he’s on HBO’s “Rome” and “Game of Thrones” and has a big role in “Outlander” so I guess he’s hot right now 🙂
I searched for him because I LOVE GoT. Was surprised I didn’t know who it was. I just searched his name on Google, and the first thing that came up was “Tobias Menzies goes full-frontal” lol. Must be a popular search!
Yes, I think he is naked in “Outlander” where he plays a villain. Though I wasn’t sure whether it was him or a body double.
Scary. Strange stuff does find itself into places you wouldn’t think should be there. Ew from this ewe.
Right? Ewww(e)
Well now I will have to check out the searches on my blog as soon as I have a chance but admit to being more than a littl scares after reading all these comments. In the meantime though thanks for the great belly laugh – a great way to start off my weekend 🙂
Glad you enjoyed it 😀 Let me know what gems you find lol
I had to look at my “since the start of time” stats to find anything remotely good. Here are some:
puddintame…ask me again, i\’ll tell you the same etc
cheapest places to get a cat scan and ekg in indianapolis
pvc \”inflatable coat\”
i am a pipefitter -find me a fucking job
“what’s the soup du jour?” “it’s the soup of the day.” “mm, that sounds good, i’ll have that.” (Yay for “Dumb and Dumber!!”)
raunchy sleazy pics of janet jackson
george washington’s rules of etiquette defacate on stairs (O.o)
badgirls softcore kiss photos
tin foil bondage
mouthsjob total
run not in the streets, neither go too slowly nor with mouth open go not shaking yr arms kick not the earth with yr feet, go not upon the toes, nor in a dancing fashion. what does it mean
yawn pee shit sigh breathe
repressed asshole (Great…someone searched for that and found ME. lol)
Repressed asshole… hahaha that made me laugh. Also.. tin foil bondage. Never knew that was a thing!
Really? Christ, now I’ll have to check mine. You are just funny, I love your stuff.
Thank you 🙂 Did you find anything fun in yours?
I’m not sure how to do it on my phone, I’ll check from my laptop tonight and let you know asap
I try not to look at the search terms, and thankfully, there are only a few. I tend to fly under the radar, and am much happier that way. Sometimes ignorance is a good thing.
That’s true lol. Ignorance is bliss!
I thought you were moving your blog? Hay I’m not a perv but I am a tid bit weird. Here is my trip to the Asian Market a while back
I’ve seen that video before 🙂 It’s amazing haha. I AM moving my blog this weekend. I’ve been really sick so, once again, it’s been delayed. I suck.
re-runs gotta hate them
You’re not the only one. WordPress lets you know the weirdest searches though, which I find hilarious!
It is pretty funny. Disturbing, but funny 🙂
Having read your post and everybody’s comments I am now actually too frightened to look…..
DO IT haha. Peer pressure!
I looked…I looked again…I got my son to check…and…NO SEARCH TERMS RECORDED!!! What does this mean?!! Perhaps I need to change my blog name…”Pussy Ponderings” since I write about cats a lot? Oh God no, that’s too open to misinterpretation…
Oh god, that would be terrible. Although, now I’m slightly curious how much more traffic you’d get haha