a lemony-fresh shitstorm

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I hate that saying. Screw making lemonade. Why not do something actually enjoyable when something goes to shit – like hurling them at unsuspecting kids? You know, like Buddy the Elf does when he mows down a bunch of bullies with snowballs. Now that is fun. A sure-fire way to turn your day around.

buddytheelf

 

Have you ever spent all your energy making sure something was absolutely perfect? Then, something out of your control happens and everything you worked so hard to accomplish doesn’t matter anymore. Like buying expensive wine and spending all day cooking for a dinner party just to have your friend’s 2-year-old rip off his diaper and smear shit all over your curtains. Or planning the perfect day-trip to the beach. You’re laying there, soaking up the sun, beer in hand, thinking life couldn’t get any better right now. Until a minute later when you realize there’s a used condom crusted to the bottom of your foot. Lemons! Lemons everywhere, goddammit. 

Why does crap like that always happen? Why can’t things ever go as well as you imagined? Plan for perfection – experience a shit storm. A metaphor of my life.

shitstorm

Random-ass Update: Today begins the design of my self-hosted site. Hurray! Hopefully it goes as planned. If not, at least I’ll get the opportunity to pelt some lemons at people.

PS – Don’t throw shit at kids. It’s just a joke. Okay? That’s not cool. Not cool at all. 

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125 thoughts on “a lemony-fresh shitstorm

  1. elizabetcetera says:

    OK, just so you know on the “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” saying … you do know that your lemonade will taste like sh*t because real life lemonade requires water AND sugar! If you use only lemons you will lose and you will lose big! Just sayin’ 😉

  2. carolynswriting says:

    Just gotta say, Blair, when I see your blog titles I just HAVE to read them to find out what it will involve, & I’m never disappointed! So even if I’m slow to comment or ‘like’, be assured that at some point I’ll be laughing inappropriately at my desk because I’m taking advantage of a quiet day to catch up. Now need to go explain to my boss why my face was all red & I was snorting behind my hand 😉 Keep it up!

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